Invited 35 people for my 12 year old’s B-Day. Only 6 came

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

At that age, kids don’t randomly go to parties. You should know before sending out invites, and if you can’t come up with at least a couple of sure yes, you need to find an excuse not to have the party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

[Anonymous]

Wondering if this is a troll post. What name the aunt? And who is still having huge birthday parties at 12?

[Anonymous]

Where is OP now?

[Anonymous]

Now you know who his friends are. Invite them over more regularly so he can foster some better relationships with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why you don't do birthday parties after what like 1st grade?

+1 You know your kid isn't popular and you are setting him up for this. For a 12 year old, you should already know who will come and who won't before you send out invitations. If that means a birthday party is an evening out with mom and dad, then that's what it is.

I tend to agree with this. OR if you must do it, don't TELL him how many or who you invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

Right, but when you invite that many people, no one person thinks their presence is important. They figure with such a big guest list, it will be fine and they don't have to prioritize it. I understand OP's intent to cast a wide net, but it's mistaken strategy.

[Anonymous]

I read your other post on the special needs forum and I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. Yes, look into therapy and keep looking if someone isn’t a good fit.

As for the party, I see he is homeschooled. Does he go to any social activities or classes? At this age, kids go to parties if they are friends. I have one child who’s in virtual school for many reasons so I get it. It’s really hard. Try to find ways to get them to connect with others their age through common interests.

[Anonymous]

The way to make him feel better is to tell him you understand he wants more friends, and talk together about strategies to make friends. You meet with his teacher to get that input, and try to identify which social skills are lagging. Sign him up for an activity where you think he will do reasonably well, like an art class or scouting. Then try to support him making friends by lingering after to chat, and eventually inviting kids over. No big events

[Anonymous]

So he is homeschooled now but you invited kids from the school he no longer goes to? I don't think it was realistic to think they would come. It sounds like you need a strategy to make other friends. Ensuring enough social practice is part of the job, especially with a kid who really needs to develop these skills.

[Anonymous]

This isn't his fault. I had a 14th bday party that was supposed to be a big shindig but turned out to only be like 25 people. I was devastated but I moved on in time.

He should see a therapist for his feelings and obviously you're there to remind him that he is loved. It's just hard seeing others have these big parties and then no one come to yours. I get it. Hugs

[Anonymous]

Take him to a birthday experience. Something that is guaranteed to make him feel joy not sadness. I'd personally do it now to make up for the party. Also, stop having parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

OP does not need a lecture about how unpopular her child is right now or how her strategy did not work. She knows this. Inviting all those people was a desperate attempt. OP I do think a better strategy next time would be to confirm individually with a few friends or classmates.

To the PP who said kids don't randomly just show up it sounds like you are raising an unkind child. My child is 12 and was invited to several parties thrown by people they were not particularly close with. They saw it as an opportunity to get to know the other child better and they were glad they went as they were one of only a handful who attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

OP does not need a lecture about how unpopular her child is right now or how her strategy did not work. She knows this. Inviting all those people was a desperate attempt. OP I do think a better strategy next time would be to confirm individually with a few friends or classmates.

To the PP who said kids don't randomly just show up it sounds like you are raising an unkind child. My child is 12 and was invited to several parties thrown by people they were not particularly close with. They saw it as an opportunity to get to know the other child better and they were glad they went as they were one of only a handful who attended.

Most kids would not show up. You can say everyone is raising unkind children but that doesn’t change the reality. Most teenagers are figuring out who they are and yes tend to be unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

OP does not need a lecture about how unpopular her child is right now or how her strategy did not work. She knows this. Inviting all those people was a desperate attempt. OP I do think a better strategy next time would be to confirm individually with a few friends or classmates.

To the PP who said kids don't randomly just show up it sounds like you are raising an unkind child. My child is 12 and was invited to several parties thrown by people they were not particularly close with. They saw it as an opportunity to get to know the other child better and they were glad they went as they were one of only a handful who attended.

My DD has been invited to many birthday parties she has not attended. Usually, the reasons are twofold. While she may know the birthday kid, she doesn’t know anyone else who is invited. These are extremely awkward, and for that reason, she doesn’t invite to her own birthday, anyone that doesn’t know at least one other person that is going to be there.

The second is a matter of logistics. She has activities both Saturday and Sunday, so the timing might not work out. For close friends, she’ll try to rearrange her schedule if she has adequate notice, but it isn’t always possible. But then, close friends also try to talk to everyone to get an idea of when they can all make it, and then schedule the day/time.