Invited 35 people for my 12 year old’s B-Day. Only 6 came

[Anonymous]

How do I make my learning disabled 12 year old son feel better? He knows I invited a lot of people to his birthday. I invited some people from his school and I invited a lot of my family. One by one I either didn’t hear back from the people or some got in touch with me and said they couldn’t make it. Only one sent birthday wishes anyway and that was in Aunt with a card from her and her two kids.

Only six people came and that was his grandparents, and Aunt, and the woman on our street came by with her two kids were toddlers which almost didn’t even count. I could tell he was sad all day long and he admitted later that he feels like a loser and wishes he could die so he’d be missed and everyone would love him like they do Sarah (my troubled niece who died of an overdose in October at 21 years old). I assured him that next year I will take them on a trip instead of trying to do a birthday party.

How do I make him feel better? I also worry about his Fascination with death ever since his cousin Sarah died last fall. Keep saying when we’re dead everyone loves us even if they don’t like us when we’re leaving. Sarah was a sweet girl but very troubled and people were frustrated with her because of the drugs. Ever since her death she’s been made to be the greatest thing that ever lived. This is perfectly understandable and it’s nothing against her or her parents, I just don’t want my son thinking that he should therefore die and of course while 12 is pretty young for suicide it’s always a risk.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. Talk to a psychiatrist and psychologist asap. Those are big feelings and professional guidance could help you navigate this.

Does he have at least one friend? He doesn't need 35, but one could make a difference.

[Anonymous]

I am really sorry. It is hard to watch our kids suffer. No advice. Just good thoughts.

[Anonymous]

That's why you don't do birthday parties after what like 1st grade?

[Anonymous]

It's more common at that age to have a small party. You invite a few friends and do something special. If not, you just do something special with him yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's why you don't do birthday parties after what like 1st grade?

+1

It happens to all kids, don't think the disability is the issue OP.

A party of 6 people sounds very appropriate. My boys are very outgoing teens and still, we all preferred immediate family and grandparents for b-days. You know, the people that really matter and are part of your daily life...

[Anonymous]

I do think you should seek some professional guidance for his suicide ideation.

That said, my DD's birthday party has been a small affair since she was 10 or so. For her 12th and 13th, she had 3 or 4 other girls over, her closest friends. And at this age, they handle the 'who to invite' part anyway. My nephew only invites his best friend over, so they can go to Hibachi (his favorite food activity).

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry about your niece. My 13 year old has ADHD and some trouble making friends, so for the past few years, we have only invited 2-3 friends for cake and pizza, and scheduled it when they were available.

[Anonymous]

This is why we only do family dinners for bd. Bd person gets to choose the location. I don’t set my kids up for failure on their special days. We have great memories of these dinners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's why you don't do birthday parties after what like 1st grade?

+1 You know your kid isn't popular and you are setting him up for this. For a 12 year old, you should already know who will come and who won't before you send out invitations. If that means a birthday party is an evening out with mom and dad, then that's what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think you should seek some professional guidance for his suicide ideation.

That said, my DD's birthday party has been a small affair since she was 10 or so. For her 12th and 13th, she had 3 or 4 other girls over, her closest friends. And at this age, they handle the 'who to invite' part anyway. My nephew only invites his best friend over, so they can go to Hibachi (his favorite food activity).

+1 I completely agree.

For my kids, there were only a handful of kids at their parties starting from fourth or fifth grade on. If it makes you feel any better six is a standard an average number of kids at a birthday party for that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I make my learning disabled 12 year old son feel better? He knows I invited a lot of people to his birthday. I invited some people from his school and I invited a lot of my family. One by one I either didn’t hear back from the people or some got in touch with me and said they couldn’t make it. Only one sent birthday wishes anyway and that was in Aunt with a card from her and her two kids.

Only six people came and that was his grandparents, and Aunt, and the woman on our street came by with her two kids were toddlers which almost didn’t even count. I could tell he was sad all day long and he admitted later that he feels like a loser and wishes he could die so he’d be missed and everyone would love him like they do Sarah (my troubled niece who died of an overdose in October at 21 years old). I assured him that next year I will take them on a trip instead of trying to do a birthday party.

How do I make him feel better? I also worry about his Fascination with death ever since his cousin Sarah died last fall. Keep saying when we’re dead everyone loves us even if they don’t like us when we’re leaving. Sarah was a sweet girl but very troubled and people were frustrated with her because of the drugs. Ever since her death she’s been made to be the greatest thing that ever lived. This is perfectly understandable and it’s nothing against her or her parents, I just don’t want my son thinking that he should therefore die and of course while 12 is pretty young for suicide it’s always a risk.

OP, my comments on this (bolded) have nothing to do with your post, but this is a common thing I see and it frustrates me as well. It is the wrong message to send to people, especially kids like your son, but parents usually can't see out of their grief to talk about anything except how wonderful the person was.

I'm sorry about your son's situation. Agree with posters who say focus on finding 1-2 friends, ideally at school but other activities as well. Also, stress to him that kids his age are outgrowing birthday parties, which is true. My boys had their last one at about age 10. After that it was small activities/ dinners/ sporting games with 1-2 friends.

[Anonymous]

So sorry. I have a 12 year old. He hasn't wanted a party in years probably because he doesn't have a lot of kids to invite. Why did you try to make it a huge thing? Is this normally the case with his parties?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, that is tough. What I've done is find people who you really really want there and try to find times that work for them. Then everyone else who can come is gravy.

Also agree on the smaller party for older kids, with sports attendance can be dicey for anything. Some weekends are just bad bets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, that is tough. What I've done is find people who you really really want there and try to find times that work for them. Then everyone else who can come is gravy.

Also agree on the smaller party for older kids, with sports attendance can be dicey for anything. Some weekends are just bad bets.

Honestly, getting 35 12yos on the same date would be impossible regardless of the situation.

Way better to pick just 1-2 and do something more "special" even if its bowling & arcade or something like that