Invited 35 people for my 12 year old’s B-Day. Only 6 came

[Anonymous]

It feels weird to say this I’d try to outwardly put the blame on yourself for bad planning so that he does not blame his perceived lack of popularity.

He is at the age when it would be more appropriate to invite 1-3 friends to do something they want to do together. Whether that is staying home with computer games and pizza, going to a fun restaurant together, or something like Zava Zone would be up to them. Most important is having those 1-3 friends. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

This is why my 12 yo had a sleepover party with just a hand full of kids. They had a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry about your niece. My 13 year old has ADHD and some trouble making friends, so for the past few years, we have only invited 2-3 friends for cake and pizza, and scheduled it when they were available.

This is key, OP. You have to be flexible on date/time. For instance, one of DD's good friends' birthdays was last Sunday. However, DD was not available due to some prior commitments, so her friend changed the birthday party to the following weekend, when she IS free. DD has done the same, where if her two BFs are not available, she'll move it to when they are. Everyone else is gravy. This friend's party is going to be 7 girls (including the birthday girl), and that's a really large number of kids for a 13 year old's party. Everyone is paying on their own for the activity, BTW; the parents are only paying for dinner, and I totally understand, with the size of the group.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. It’s so hard to see them sad and feeling uncool. But come on. Your parents, sibling and neighbor with toddlers never “counted”. You knew you had 0 people. Why set him up like that? If he has a school friend, next year I’d work with that parent to figure something out and just do a special movie/dinner type thing with a confirmed kid or 2.

[Anonymous]

Usually the older you get, the fewer people who actually come to the party. Don't hype the birthday parties so much, so he is ok with the people who do show up.

[Anonymous]

My kid has a few friends over. I do a breakfast party to minimize schedule issues. Invite four kids and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old didn't have a birthday party last summer because there was not a date when everyone could come. This year for her 13th birthday she said she'll just do it once school starts.

[Anonymous]

I've found the older the kids get, the more other commitments pop up. In elementary school, no big deal to miss a game for a party but middle school and up the commitment was more expected.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. Does your DS have any actual friends? I ask because mine didn’t until high school. We hired a social skills coach. I’m not sure what your DS struggles with but he definitely needs therapy and maybe some additional support.

By 12, there are no longer huge party lists. If he has one or two friends you plan around those kids. If he doesn’t have friends then get him support so he can learn to develop friendships.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. We feel our kids' pain.

Can you help him build just a couple more meaningful friendships with similar kids. Search out kids with similar disabilities or interests. Maybe a quirky club in middle school is a good place to start.

My kids narrowed down their friends to just a couple during middle school and their birthday parties were just dinner and a movie with a couple friends.

Middle school is hard to begin with and made worse if you are different in any way.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is coming to a 12 yo party unless they are actually friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels weird to say this I’d try to outwardly put the blame on yourself for bad planning so that he does not blame his perceived lack of popularity.

He is at the age when it would be more appropriate to invite 1-3 friends to do something they want to do together. Whether that is staying home with computer games and pizza, going to a fun restaurant together, or something like Zava Zone would be up to them. Most important is having those 1-3 friends. Work on that.

No friends came. It's one think to have a few friends for a more intimate party, but this age really sucks for kids who are social at school, but don't have those few close friends. The previous large party invites dry up and the kid realizes where they stand. DD was invited to zero parties in 6th and didn't want a party because she was worried about no one coming.

[Anonymous]

That’s heart wrenching. We would have come! Can you get him in an activity that’s more inclusive, like a church youth group? Does he speak of one buddy at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think you should seek some professional guidance for his suicide ideation.

That said, my DD's birthday party has been a small affair since she was 10 or so. For her 12th and 13th, she had 3 or 4 other girls over, her closest friends. And at this age, they handle the 'who to invite' part anyway. My nephew only invites his best friend over, so they can go to Hibachi (his favorite food activity).

Seek help. This is in tweens/teens not the SN board, but that board might be better for this post.

I hope you have a therapist or medical team that can help you address the suicidal ideation. I'm so sorry about your niece - that's got to be really hard for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.