How to convince spouse home renovations make financial sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

OP just wants what she wants (stomps foot)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, unless college is fully funded

This x100
I have a feeling that OP's husband is keeping his eye on the 3 college tuitions. Good for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

[Anonymous]

I would start with the outside appearance. Have shutters and front door painted, the garage door repainted or replaced and fix the gutter. Use your Equity to upgrade the inside. Pay off one project before you start another. You should not let your house continue to deteriorate when it’s worth what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

I would love it if he simply went ahead with any of the projects I’ve flagged—starting with the exterior of the house (gutters, door frame, shutters, garage doors, etc.). No need to even consult me on what I consider basic maintenance.

And I honestly wouldn’t be upset if I came home from work to find our kitchen or bathrooms had been demoed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would start with the outside appearance. Have shutters and front door painted, the garage door repainted or replaced and fix the gutter. Use your Equity to upgrade the inside. Pay off one project before you start another. You should not let your house continue to deteriorate when it’s worth what it is.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

I would love it if he simply went ahead with any of the projects I’ve flagged—starting with the exterior of the house (gutters, door frame, shutters, garage doors, etc.). No need to even consult me on what I consider basic maintenance.

And I honestly wouldn’t be upset if I came home from work to find our kitchen or bathrooms had been demoed.

Oh please. Would you be happy if he went ahead with a large and disruptive project that you had expressly not agreed to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

I agree. Just make sure to pay off each project before you start a new one. It’s your house and money too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Agree. Would it help if you told him my SIL refurnishes her house every five years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

It’s impossible to persuade anyone who is *cheap* which is different than *frugal.*

I am frugal. Spouse is cheap.

Example: they’ve recently decided paper towels are “ridiculously expensive” so they ordered some stupid Swedish kitchen towels that will supposedly save tons of money and help the environment.

Anyone else with a HHI of $300+ and a low mortgage of $1700 fixate on how expensive paper towels are? We don’t live paycheck to paycheck by any means. I think they just have a mentality that we will never have enough money to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Agree. Would it help if you told him my SIL refurnishes her house every five years.

Lol

I think I have the same SIL ;0)

My SIL told me you must repaint your entire house every 5 years in order to keep it clean. Ditto for replacing rugs and mattresses. She blames everything on dust, mold, allergies, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

I would love it if he simply went ahead with any of the projects I’ve flagged—starting with the exterior of the house (gutters, door frame, shutters, garage doors, etc.). No need to even consult me on what I consider basic maintenance.

And I honestly wouldn’t be upset if I came home from work to find our kitchen or bathrooms had been demoed.

Oh please. Would you be happy if he went ahead with a large and disruptive project that you had expressly not agreed to?

I would be thrilled. Truly.

[Anonymous]

I think you really missed the boat on taking out a home equity loan, OP. Why weren't you thinking about all this when rates were under 3%???

Use your savings, do a little bit at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

Gee, I hadn’t realized compromise was a key part of marriage.

Shocking how we’ve managed to make it 30 years without ever realizing that.

Actually, I’m leaning towards pulling the trigger and just tackling some projects. It’s my money, too.

FFS. Now you're really acting childish and I can see why you aren't able to persuade him of anything. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did this to you.

I would love it if he simply went ahead with any of the projects I’ve flagged—starting with the exterior of the house (gutters, door frame, shutters, garage doors, etc.). No need to even consult me on what I consider basic maintenance.

And I honestly wouldn’t be upset if I came home from work to find our kitchen or bathrooms had been demoed.

Oh please. Would you be happy if he went ahead with a large and disruptive project that you had expressly not agreed to?

I would be thrilled. Truly.

Really? Something you didn't want, didn't think you needed, thought was irresponsible? You'd be thrilled?