How to convince spouse home renovations make financial sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t know your college tuition situation. That’s the big one.

Renovations that you pay a contractor to do are not going to be a good investment, ever. They may be justified, for sure. It sounds like they are. But you are wrong if you think they’ll be a good financial investment.

Pay for them in cash as you go. Don’t borrow more money with all this tuition on the horizon.

Alternatively, since your youngest is almost out of the nest, just sell this place and move somewhere that’s turnkey in a couple years. Let a flipper, or someone who will will really need your old neighborhood and schools, take the financial hit changing the 1980s kitchen.

We have 7 years before the youngest goes to college, so we can’t move. We love the neighborhood. New construction in our area is well north of $1M. All the resales aren’t turnkey. They are other people’s renovations from a decade or so ago precisely because people renovate so they can enjoy it.

We will get good money for our home when we sell down the road because we have the largest model with bells and whistles that other homes don’t have. Plus our lot and Street are highly desirable.

Sigh. I guess I’ll continue to live in squalor.

Sounding a bit dramatic OP.
Regardless, I am guessing that with your husband is focused on the fact that you are already dealing with a college tuition and have TWO more to go. It does not sound like you have those tuitions fully funded or do you? If not, your husband is being way more financially responsible and I give him credit for putting your kids first. Giving your kids the incredible gift of no or little college debt vs. an updated house is a no brainer - invest in your kids.

This. If you're going to be dramatic and say it's "squalor", you won't win your DH over. Men can be *very* sensitive about money/provider type stuff, even in this day and age.


I know it sounds silly but you need to present the ideas to him in a different way. Don't say "DH, our house is a disaster and we are SO BROKE and we LIVE IN SQUAAAAALOR and it's EMBARRASSING and GROSS and it's YOUR FAULT for not letting me spend all the money I want to on a huge renovation project and all-new everything!!!!!".

Do it like this: "DH, I'd like to have the gutter repaired. It's becoming detatched and I'm concerned water will rot our trim. I'll get a few quotes, okay?" So then you do that project. Then you move on to the next. "DH, I'm going to sand and re-paint our shutters. The gutter guy took them down for me when he was here with the ladder. I'm going to Home Depot for some paint, text me if you need anything, see you later!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have roughly $200k left on our mortgage for a home in a desirable suburb where houses sell for $800k+.

HHI low $300k (mortgage just under $2k/month)

College tuition is admittedly ridiculous (with one currently in college and two more who will be over the course of the next decade).

Our house desperately needs renovations. This is a need, not a frivolous want.

-Original 1980s kitchen and bathrooms

-Original (horrible) 1980s windows, siding (which a contractor actually told us is better than what is made today and we should leave it), faded shutters, warped gutters, garage doors that are peeling and temperamental, framing around door is peeling, etc.

-Original tiles in foyer and kitchen are terrible.

-Original interior doors are awful (some sliders don’t function)

-Our 90s/early 2000s furniture is shabby.

I’d like to tap into home equity to update everything. Not high end, but middle of the road. My philosophy is to do it now so we can enjoy it. Surely we will recover some of this when we sell 15+ years from now.

How do I convince spouse?

What’s a ballpark amount to use as a guideline?

Admittedly we have been spending money on travel over the last decade rather than update the house.

We don’t have room to cut back since we live rather frugally (kids in public, old cars, no housekeeper or landscaper, etc.).

Hiring painters goes a long way. Sounds like exterior would do that for you. For your kitchen I’m guessing the cabinets need updating. Can you paint them white if they are not melamine? I actually peeled the melamine off of mine since it was already peeling. Again paint makes a huge difference. Good luck. I bet your counters will feel totally different with white cabinets.

You sound like my spouse.

Why paint cabinets when the drawers are broken/warping and doors have faulty hinges?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have roughly $200k left on our mortgage for a home in a desirable suburb where houses sell for $800k+.

HHI low $300k (mortgage just under $2k/month)

College tuition is admittedly ridiculous (with one currently in college and two more who will be over the course of the next decade).

Our house desperately needs renovations. This is a need, not a frivolous want.

-Original 1980s kitchen and bathrooms

-Original (horrible) 1980s windows, siding (which a contractor actually told us is better than what is made today and we should leave it), faded shutters, warped gutters, garage doors that are peeling and temperamental, framing around door is peeling, etc.

-Original tiles in foyer and kitchen are terrible.

-Original interior doors are awful (some sliders don’t function)

-Our 90s/early 2000s furniture is shabby.

I’d like to tap into home equity to update everything. Not high end, but middle of the road. My philosophy is to do it now so we can enjoy it. Surely we will recover some of this when we sell 15+ years from now.

How do I convince spouse?

What’s a ballpark amount to use as a guideline?

Admittedly we have been spending money on travel over the last decade rather than update the house.

We don’t have room to cut back since we live rather frugally (kids in public, old cars, no housekeeper or landscaper, etc.).

Hiring painters goes a long way. Sounds like exterior would do that for you. For your kitchen I’m guessing the cabinets need updating. Can you paint them white if they are not melamine? I actually peeled the melamine off of mine since it was already peeling. Again paint makes a huge difference. Good luck. I bet your counters will feel totally different with white cabinets.

You sound like my spouse.

Why paint cabinets when the drawers are broken/warping and doors have faulty hinges?

Because marriage is full of compromise, and this will make you feel somewhat better for a very small amount of money. Clearly you can't have what you actually want, so you need to get unstuck from that idea and move on to alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

Our hand me down antique furnishings are fine.

The furniture we bought in 2000 has served its purpose, but now the sofa is sagging and torn, and the coffee table, etc. isn’t a sturdy wood that can be refinished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Okay. But so what? You want to. Your DH doesn't. You're at an impasse. How can we be of assistance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

I'm not the PP, but what does it matter? Seriously, OP, enough with the pity party. Do we all have to prove to you that our houses are equally as dated before you'll listen to anything? You sound really full of grievance and self-pity and it's not surprising that your DH isn't responding well. Listen to yourself! Be grateful for what you have. DIY what you can. If your DH sees you making an effort instead of whining and blaming, maybe he'll come around.

The point is that it’s ridiculous to criticize me for being materialistic or wasteful for wanting to replace a 23 year couch that is sagging and torn.

Ok, your DH sucks! He's mean and he calls you names and he has no taste and no appreciation for the finer things in life. He's a stingy old weirdo in a hermit shack that is collapsing around him. You're a reasonable person who only wants your family to be happy and to protect your home value. But you're stymied by this awful DH who would rather let everything go all to mold than spend a dollar.

Feel better?

Yes.

Thank you for agreeing with me.

I am not crazy for wanting to invest in our home rather than watch it fall apart. It makes sense to update it and enjoy it while we can.

You're welcome. But you're still going to have to compromise. That's marriage for ya.

[Anonymous]

No, unless college is fully funded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not expect to get a lot of return on 15 year old renovations

Selling a house 15 years from now with original 1980s everything or with 2023 updates are the options.

Which is better?

I think we will need to heavily discount a home with 1980s fixtures. I think we can rather easily maintain a renovated house (particularly since we no longer have very young children). And we could enjoy our home rather than be embarrassed by it.

You'd be a lot happier in life if you could let go of the shame and guilt, because I'm assuming you think that way for everything: cars, clothes, vacations, college, what people do for a living, etc. Insecurity is poisoning your life.

I empathize if you bought a house with fixtures you don't like, but come on. The immense majority of people in this world live in houses that are not catalog worthy! I live in a very old and tiny house in Bethesda: we could only afford to redo the ground floor. None of the upstairs doors can close, even the bathroom door. The bathroom window frame is falling apart. The floor is uneven. We have the same gutter problem and the garage is so dilapidated it's a miracle it's still standing.

And yet I love my house. I bought it because it had good bones and lots of light coming from all sides. We have a fun garden with plants we took some effort to find online.

You can all the renovations you want, but it's your mind you've got to fix. Don't be embarrassed by old, worn things. Find value in at least some of them. Don't waste your time thinking for one second what the neighbors think.

I hear ya, but you are wrong when it comes to me. I’m not insecure and I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. As I said, we drive old cars. I still wear clothes I bought in college. I’m not materialistic at all.

The 1980s kitchen and bathrooms didn’t really bother me when we bought our home in the early 2000s, but 20 years later they are really starting to fall apart. I don’t think I’m being ridiculous by wanting to renovate. I mean, you renovated your first floor, so presumably you have a nice kitchen, etc.

OK. It’s just the way you phrased things made it sound cosmetic instead of functional.

Try living with 1980s bathrooms and kitchen and then you’ll realize it’s a functional need and not merely cosmetic.

My family room furniture was purchased in 2000. Anyone else have a sofa and coffee table from the year 2000? Ditto for my kitchen table.

Okay, but what's actually wrong with your furniture? Is it rickety, is it torn, is the fabric wearing holes? I bet if you sand, stain, and re-seal the kitchen table it will look way better.

Age alone is not a reason to replace things. Have you heard of antiques, it's a whole industry!

+1 sorry op much of our furniture is from our parents in the 80’s buying. I can’t imagine how much more throw away our society would be if we all bought new furniture every ten years. I get that ikea or wayfsir particle board might not make it but if you have a dark wood dining room table you sand it and re-stain it you don’t throw it in the dump!

Do you have a 23 year old sofa?

we have a 21 year old one - it is beat up but overall fine - probably better quality than what you can purchase today