DD got in trouble for "stealing food" and the entire grade has a punishment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems ridiculous. Why would the girl whose lunch box it was not just say no, they didn’t steal it we were playing a game. This kind of “game” also doesn’t make sense for 5th graders (I have 5th grade DDs). I would guess they were being mean to the girl and passing around her lunch box to be a-holes, but didn’t steal her food.

Yep, my guess is op’s daughter is a bully and they made up the story that the girl started the game.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD came back and reported that at lunch the teachers stood up and explained to the grade that the silent lunch was occurring because there were kids getting up and just generally being loud and obnoxious yesterday. The lunchbox episode wasn't mentioned to the grade and my daughter never got questioned or sent to the principal's office. I haven't received an email or phone call, so I am not going to discipline her at home. I think that my kid was told not to play the game again right before they announced the silent lunch, so my kid thought it was her fault when in reality it was a small event at the end of a long lunch period of behaviors.

She did not want to go to school today. She's never refused to go to school before, but she was very worried she was going to get in trouble or dress-coded again.

[Anonymous]

OP, the usual number of times that typical kids “get in trouble” at school to the point where you’re hearing about it is 0-1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here. DD came back and reported that at lunch the teachers stood up and explained to the grade that the silent lunch was occurring because there were kids getting up and just generally being loud and obnoxious yesterday. The lunchbox episode wasn't mentioned to the grade and my daughter never got questioned or sent to the principal's office. I haven't received an email or phone call, so I am not going to discipline her at home. I think that my kid was told not to play the game again right before they announced the silent lunch, so my kid thought it was her fault when in reality it was a small event at the end of a long lunch period of behaviors.

She did not want to go to school today. She's never refused to go to school before, but she was very worried she was going to get in trouble or dress-coded again.

She worried about getting in trouble because she’s a troublemaker. You are enabling her behavior. How do you know DD didn’t eat her ice cream and then steal the friend’s? How do you know the other girls weren’t passing around the lunchbox and taking what they wanted? You assume the adults misinterpreted what happened because the victim didn’t complain? Any kid knows that you rat out your friend, you are no longer welcome in the group. To get the real story, you need to talk to the adults involved and stop taking your DD’s word as fact.

[Anonymous]

Unless a child has something going on, a difficult case etc - they can understand a talking to and do better next time. Punishments are cruel and don’t really help - they are either unnecessary or the child needs professional help and not some punishment.
With that in mind, try to defend your daughter. I am sure she is a good kid and doesn’t deserve the cruelty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless a child has something going on, a difficult case etc - they can understand a talking to and do better next time. Punishments are cruel and don’t really help - they are either unnecessary or the child needs professional help and not some punishment.
With that in mind, try to defend your daughter. I am sure she is a good kid and doesn’t deserve the cruelty.

OP would rather wait until her DD is expelled before getting to the bottom of this.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you might want to reconsider that private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems ridiculous. Why would the girl whose lunch box it was not just say no, they didn’t steal it we were playing a game. This kind of “game” also doesn’t make sense for 5th graders (I have 5th grade DDs). I would guess they were being mean to the girl and passing around her lunch box to be a-holes, but didn’t steal her food.

Yep, my guess is op’s daughter is a bully and they made up the story that the girl started the game.

+1. Sounds like a version of “keep away”. Sucks for the person whose stuff was taken away but fun for the bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP here. DD came back and reported that at lunch the teachers stood up and explained to the grade that the silent lunch was occurring because there were kids getting up and just generally being loud and obnoxious yesterday. The lunchbox episode wasn't mentioned to the grade and my daughter never got questioned or sent to the principal's office. I haven't received an email or phone call, so I am not going to discipline her at home. I think that my kid was told not to play the game again right before they announced the silent lunch, so my kid thought it was her fault when in reality it was a small event at the end of a long lunch period of behaviors.

She did not want to go to school today. She's never refused to go to school before, but she was very worried she was going to get in trouble or dress-coded again.

She worried about getting in trouble because she’s a troublemaker. You are enabling her behavior. How do you know DD didn’t eat her ice cream and then steal the friend’s? How do you know the other girls weren’t passing around the lunchbox and taking what they wanted? You assume the adults misinterpreted what happened because the victim didn’t complain? Any kid knows that you rat out your friend, you are no longer welcome in the group. To get the real story, you need to talk to the adults involved and stop taking your DD’s word as fact.

I know that my daughter didn't steal the ice cream because that girl and my daughter are still friends five years later. The only reason I even remember the ice cream thing is because the girl and my daughter had a playdate a few days ago. The girl was joking with my daughter about it-"Hey remember when Miss Larla thought you stole my ice cream?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

Says the mom of toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

You have been contacted 0 times by the school that your kid got in trouble. Not the same thing. Any teacher would laugh at parents like you who are so naive to believe your little cherub has never gotten in trouble. Teachers shut down problem behavior all the time at school without telling parents about it. How many emails/phone calls do you think teachers would have to make if they had to notify a parent every single time a kid got in trouble? Thanks, your post gave me a good laugh today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

haha. How do you know your kids just didn't tell you? My kids are sensitive so they get very upset at any little thing that happens at school, and I hear all about it. Getting in trouble can mean something as simple as the teacher yelled at them for skipping in the hallway. My one child got in trouble for not coming inside from the playground immediately when called at aftercare, but she said she didn't hear the teacher calling her. Stuff happens; it doesn't mean the child is poorly behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

Says the mom of toddlers.

They are in 3rd and 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

Your daughter has been a trouble "about" 5 times. That's a lot. My kids have been in trouble 0 times. Also, she actually IS a trouble maker. They were obviously being mean to another girl and - maybe - took her food away. She wasn't even singled out for the behavior. Yet she comes up with a story of persecution and you believe her.

You have been contacted 0 times by the school that your kid got in trouble. Not the same thing. Any teacher would laugh at parents like you who are so naive to believe your little cherub has never gotten in trouble. Teachers shut down problem behavior all the time at school without telling parents about it. How many emails/phone calls do you think teachers would have to make if they had to notify a parent every single time a kid got in trouble? Thanks, your post gave me a good laugh today.

"Getting in trouble at school" doesn't just mean the teacher has to repeat something or the kid was distracted for a second. Let's hear OP on what happened the 5 other times she got in trouble.