DD got in trouble for "stealing food" and the entire grade has a punishment

[Anonymous]

DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.

[Anonymous]

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

[Anonymous]

Fifth grade teachers seem to be really into harsh discipline that seems to magnify peer issues. Obviously punishing the whole class makes little sense.

[Anonymous]

Is this a public school? Most local districts don’t allow collective punishment. Also if your daughters side was never heard, tell the principle that you want to see the basis for the discipline and that you plan to appeal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a public school? Most local districts don’t allow collective punishment. Also if your daughters side was never heard, tell the principle that you want to see the basis for the discipline and that you plan to appeal

Private school

[Anonymous]

How didn't your daughter steal ice cream from her friend in kindergarten?

Also, would just say that she and her friends need to reassess their games. There is likely some dynamics going on that you're not aware of.

[Anonymous]

I'd be done with that private school now.

[Anonymous]

I'm not saying your dd is lying, but please remember you are only hearing one side of the story. While her friends may have accused her of stealing food, the class probably received a silent lunch for being rowdy and noisy, even though your dd perceives that she was the sole reason for the class punishment.

You seem to be overly involved in the daily drama of children. The ice cream situation was many years ago and you are still upset about it. And you continue to hold on to a 5-year-old's version of events which is probably inaccurate. Please view these sagas from the teacher's point of view so you can understand that there is no specific persecution of your dd even though she sees it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

Five times over the course of her education. She has been attending school since preschool so in a sevenyear period she has only gotten in trouble about five times.

In first a boy stole the bathroom pass from her so she wrote him a note saying "Give me back my bathroom pass!" which got her in trouble for passing notes. There was the time she got accused of stealing ice cream and she's gotten in trouble twice for talking. And then there was this incident so yeah, I do think five times is a small number of times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How didn't your daughter steal ice cream from her friend in kindergarten?

Also, would just say that she and her friends need to reassess their games. There is likely some dynamics going on that you're not aware of.

Both girls got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream before going to the bathroom. When the friend left my daughter unwrapped my daughter's ice cream. The lunch monitor didn't realize both girls had gotten ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying your dd is lying, but please remember you are only hearing one side of the story. While her friends may have accused her of stealing food, the class probably received a silent lunch for being rowdy and noisy, even though your dd perceives that she was the sole reason for the class punishment.

You seem to be overly involved in the daily drama of children. The ice cream situation was many years ago and you are still upset about it. And you continue to hold on to a 5-year-old's version of events which is probably inaccurate. Please view these sagas from the teacher's point of view so you can understand that there is no specific persecution of your dd even though she sees it that way.

My daughter's friend didn't accuse her of stealing food. The lunch monitor saw the empty lunch box and came to the conclusion that it was empty because the food was stolen. The entire group was punished, not just my daughter.

But yes, I did tell my daughter to stop playing that game and to tell her friends never to play that game again. I believe my kid-she was sobbing and was just so upset. I've never caught her lying to me or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems reasonable to have silent lunch for the whole class because the class got totally out of hand during lunch.

They need to cool it. Summer isn't here yet. The rules still apply, even to the big kids, even in April.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

Five times over the course of her education. She has been attending school since preschool so in a sevenyear period she has only gotten in trouble about five times.

In first a boy stole the bathroom pass from her so she wrote him a note saying "Give me back my bathroom pass!" which got her in trouble for passing notes. There was the time she got accused of stealing ice cream and she's gotten in trouble twice for talking. And then there was this incident so yeah, I do think five times is a small number of times.

Please note that in the next seven years of her k-12 schooling, there are going to be a dozens of incidents where you daughter tells you something that she describes as her being misunderstood or unfairly punished. This is completely normal and part of developing social skills among her peers. When you go on to believe every word she tells you without hearing the other side of the story and then fret and seethe over it for years afterward, you may be harming her social development in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with that private school now.

Students at privates will complain about collective punishments! The kids will hang on to that feeling of unfairness for a long time even if the school is amazing in every other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

Five times over the course of her education. She has been attending school since preschool so in a sevenyear period she has only gotten in trouble about five times.

In first a boy stole the bathroom pass from her so she wrote him a note saying "Give me back my bathroom pass!" which got her in trouble for passing notes. There was the time she got accused of stealing ice cream and she's gotten in trouble twice for talking. And then there was this incident so yeah, I do think five times is a small number of times.

Please note that in the next seven years of her k-12 schooling, there are going to be a dozens of incidents where you daughter tells you something that she describes as her being misunderstood or unfairly punished. This is completely normal and part of developing social skills among her peers. When you go on to believe every word she tells you without hearing the other side of the story and then fret and seethe over it for years afterward, you may be harming her social development in the long run.

I don't think my daughter was lying to me. This is not my first-time parenting-she has older siblings and I know when my kids are lying. I don't think believing her will "ruin her social development."