Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has an agenda and is anti adoption. Don’t feed the troll.

Sorry you can’t handle viewpoints that differ from yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH was adopted. early 70s. His older sister, also adopted and then a younger brother - unexpected birth child. So the adoptive mother who was mentally average couldn't cope with or fathom a highly intellectual child and ultimately failed him. He talks to her, sends her birthday / Mother's Day gifts.

What do you mean she ultimately failed him?

She failed him on a lot of levels. When he was a newborn she shut him in a room alone because the 2 yr old she'd adopted used to "dance on his head" and later she'd find he ate his own diaper. The only other instances of this happening I've read about have been neglectful, heroin addict parents.

She also wasn't capable of releasing his intellect. She also was someone who suffered from such high anxiety that she raised three, biologically unrelated kids to suffer extreme anxiety well into their middle age.

Is that enough for you?

It doesn't sound like the high intellect was the precipitating factor in the failure but that the adoptive mom suffered extreme anxiety and lacked parental instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take up your issues with your therapist, birthparent, adoptive parents and the agency/attorney/courts who placed you.

OP, I'm grateful that you are sharing these insights and this history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

+1000
Exactly

So, for those who were adopted in this time period, how do you look at your life now?

I was adopted in the mid 1970s. Very happy with my life and my family, and very close relationship with my parents (one of whom is now deceased). I have not reached out to identify or try to have contact with my birth family. But honestly given what a great childhood and life and family I have (only child in a close knit family, attended private schools and highly ranked college/grad school), I am glad that my birth family placed me for adoption. I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for but it’s my reality.

I am not looking for any answer. However, the narrative around adoption has changed since the 1970s, and there is a lot of education and activism around this.

Since you haven't looked for your birth family, and might have limited information, or no information. Some of that information might offer a new perspective.

I am also happy I had the life I had, but I can also accept what happened here and all over the world as wrong. I can also examine my life and the choices I made, and the experiences I had as things that happened because of my adoption. The circumstances surrounding my adoption were seriously egregious, looking at it by today's lens, but that doesn't mean I am not happy with the life I had. Two things can be true at the same time. There is no agenda here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly has an agenda and is anti adoption. Don’t feed the troll.

And frankly one doesn't have to be a troll to highlight the issues around adoption. You sound like you are the exact kind of troll.
Regardless, the question was poised to adoptees. Not to you. So, your commentary is irrelevant and unnecessary.

You don't get to relegate who can have an opinion about adoption, an adoptee's experience, or anything. This isn't about you. You are the troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are millions of babies literally stolen from families, mothers in other countries and sold to white married middle class parents here. Millions.

It's not just a white issue. Families of all different races adopted. Not all babies were stolen, just some.

Families of color, Jewish families, etc., were prohibited for a very long time ri being able to adopt any child. They had to go through agencies that would adopt specified children out to those ethnicities. So, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too movement. Right?

Anyone woman involved in a job situation and was dependent upon that to survive was at the mercy of men.

Is that mental illness?

A teenage pregnancy which resulted in being banned from her fanily home. Was that mental illness?
2 17 year olds have sex and neither can support a baby while in high school, or college. Is that mental illness?
A relationship where the father refuses accountability leaving the mother on her own. Is that mental illness?
Women in the military, overpowered as a subordinate. Is she mentally ill?

You realize that these situations are not the norm anymore. And, very few women were in the military way back when. Often father's were not told about the child or adoption.

Yes, that is why we are talking about Baby Scoop era babies. And going forward, there were many women in the military. There were women in the military even in the 1950s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are millions of babies literally stolen from families, mothers in other countries and sold to white married middle class parents here. Millions.

It's not just a white issue. Families of all different races adopted. Not all babies were stolen, just some.

Looking into South America adoptions- mostly stolen, yes. Read up on it. Ireland? Read up on it.

[Anonymous]

I suspect most people are living within an societal adoption framework that still dictates what this new adoptee movement is trying to highlight and dispel long held notions surrounding adoption. It's called " coming out of the fog."

Here's some literature, of so much more, of course, but:
https://academic.oup.com/mj/article/38/2/131/4938602

https://babyscoopera.com/adoption-articles/adoption-history-setting-the-record-straight/

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a42097413/native-americans-scotus-adoption/

https://ojin.nursingworld.org/table-of-contents/volume-27-2022/number-1-january-2022/racial-identity-and-transcultural-adoption-/

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/sixties-scoop-americans-paid-thousands-indigenous-children-1.3781622

https://pages.uoregon.edu/adoption/topics/AfricanAmerican.htm#:~:text=By%20the%20late%201960s%2C%20these,religion%2C%20race%2C%20or%20both.

https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2021/01/26/us-adoption-history-book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?

I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.

OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s

You're painting with a very broad brush there.

And you know what? I WAS chosen. My parents chose me. My adopted family IS my family, and I have a good relationship with my parents, an okay relationship with my brother, and a good relationship with my extended family. And I don't think any of the issues we've had over the years had anything to do with adoption -- pretty normal teen/parent stuff, really. I don't dispute that for some people, it was a traumatic or negative experience, and I don't disagree that many biological mothers were pressured to put their babies up for adoption, but your negative narrative isn't true for everyone, either. "The adoption community" doesn't speak for everyone. There are as many adoption experiences as there are adopted children. I think you're trying to start drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

+1000
Exactly

So, for those who were adopted in this time period, how do you look at your life now?

I was adopted in the mid 1970s. Very happy with my life and my family, and very close relationship with my parents (one of whom is now deceased). I have not reached out to identify or try to have contact with my birth family. But honestly given what a great childhood and life and family I have (only child in a close knit family, attended private schools and highly ranked college/grad school), I am glad that my birth family placed me for adoption. I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for but it’s my reality.

I am not looking for any answer. However, the narrative around adoption has changed since the 1970s, and there is a lot of education and activism around this.

Since you haven't looked for your birth family, and might have limited information, or no information. Some of that information might offer a new perspective.

I am also happy I had the life I had, but I can also accept what happened here and all over the world as wrong. I can also examine my life and the choices I made, and the experiences I had as things that happened because of my adoption. The circumstances surrounding my adoption were seriously egregious, looking at it by today's lens, but that doesn't mean I am not happy with the life I had. Two things can be true at the same time. There is no agenda here.

I was born/adopted in the mid-1970s, as well, and had a similar experience (I have one sibling, also adopted, and am close to my parents and think they were excellent parents). I don't have much information about my biological mother, but I'm okay with that. Sometimes I feel mild curiosity, but I have a mother and am not really on the lookout for another one. I truly don't need anyone to tell me how I should feel. I can recognize that there were problems with the system without it changing my perspective on my own life.

[Anonymous]

My mom was adopted in the 1940s. She has (still) a very loving family (3 siblings). I have a lot of cousins! I don’t know if she ever contacted her birth mom who was 16 when she was born.
I am so grateful for my grandparents who adopted her when it wasn’t really acceptable. My mom is truly a great person. My grandfather especially was an awesome man and grandfather.
Just to let people know your decision to adopt reverberates through generations.
Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

+1000
Exactly

So, for those who were adopted in this time period, how do you look at your life now?

I look at my life the same as I always did. That doesn't mean I think that it's okay to ban abortion because women can "just" put their babies up for adoption, or that it wouldn't be better to invest more so that women can (1) avoid unwanted pregnancy and (2) keep their babies if they want to, but it doesn't change how I feel about my own experience. I was raised by loving, stable, good parents, and feel really lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I feel compassion for my biological mother and the difficult situation she found herself in. The fact that the system in the past had deep flaws doesn't alter anything about what happened to me and how I feel about it.

[Anonymous]

I am adopted (born early 80s) due to my parents' mental illness. I knew them growing up and I am very happy I was adopted. My birth mother was/is a paranoid schizophrenic and my birth father was an alcoholic and possibly schizotypal personality; he died when I was a kid. That being said, they are/were genuinely nice, caring, and loving people, but I am still happy I was adopted.

I grew up with two adopted siblings from different families/backgrounds. My adoptive brother (late 70s) came from a family with a history of domestic abuse. He knows his family now, but has said they are difficult.

My adoptive sister (adopted early 70s) was abandoned due to a heart defect that they thought would make her unable to live. I don't know her story beyond that. However, I do know it was repaired through cardiac surgery as a child then she lived till her 40s, then died of other issues.

Our adoptive family was far from perfect. Far from it. Yet we were also all glad to have been adopted from the situation in our birth family.

Not all adoption is bad, though living with it isn't ideal either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?

I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.

OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s

You're painting with a very broad brush there.

And you know what? I WAS chosen. My parents chose me. My adopted family IS my family, and I have a good relationship with my parents, an okay relationship with my brother, and a good relationship with my extended family. And I don't think any of the issues we've had over the years had anything to do with adoption -- pretty normal teen/parent stuff, really. I don't dispute that for some people, it was a traumatic or negative experience, and I don't disagree that many biological mothers were pressured to put their babies up for adoption, but your negative narrative isn't true for everyone, either. "The adoption community" doesn't speak for everyone. There are as many adoption experiences as there are adopted children. I think you're trying to start drama.

I think you are quite defensive for someone who hasn't been accused of anything. This isn't a personal issue about you, it is an academic issue. And yes, adoptees, and the adoption industry all over the world are reevaluating a lot of practice. Sorry to disappoint you, but it isn't me doing this any more than women who question working conditions when they were younger and dismiss all negativity about it because they were never harrassed, or a person of color who didn't feel any prejudice at some time in their life, or an altar boy who wasn't molested. What's your point? You love your parents, you went to private school. That doesn't dismiss the whole issue or other people's perceptions.
I also love my parents. I also had a good life. But the truth of what happened, how it happened, the social and transactional parameters that caused it to happen, and the generational/ societal result is something definitely worth thinking about and bringing up in dialogue. You aren't appropriate when you decide to shut that down- because you went to what, private school?



Very sorry, but DNA testing, and the uncovering of the adoptio. Industry has caused all of us to reexamine what happened.