Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was adopted in the 1940s. She has (still) a very loving family (3 siblings). I have a lot of cousins! I don’t know if she ever contacted her birth mom who was 16 when she was born.
I am so grateful for my grandparents who adopted her when it wasn’t really acceptable. My mom is truly a great person. My grandfather especially was an awesome man and grandfather.
Just to let people know your decision to adopt reverberates through generations.
Thank you.

When it really wasn't acceptable.
Please evaluate that comment.

[Anonymous]

Birth mother here - TY for many of the links to articles; I found them very interesting. I'm from well after the Baby Scoop era & had an open-ish adoption situation & am in touch with the child I placed for adoption & their family. We all are very pro-choice & resent the invocation of adoption by ACB and others who minimize the very real trauma experienced by many in the adoption triad. Like many PPs, my experience was very positive - great adoptive parents; we are in touch & have kinship; but the relinquishment of a child, & that child's loss of their biological family, are not inconsequential & per many of the articles cited by PPs, may be the source of as-yet-unknown trauma. Which, as many PPs have also noted, can coexist with my deep gratitude for the adoptive parents I chose, and my deep gratitude for our ongoing relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to note that the knowledge, power, and privilege were given in a transactional way to the adults in their decision of what would become of the child, with the child having zero privilege of knowing who they were and the circumstances of their birth, or any information at all. Not even an actual birth certificate. Additionally, people think it stops there, but the generational and genetic line and privilege of knowing these things is important to not only the child involved but the child's siblings (present at birth and beyond) who know nothing of this, as well as continuing generations of children who do not know their ancestral history, such as grandchildren.

Adopted children almost all have siblings and neither know of each other's existence. All these people have rights to know who they are related to.

There isn't even a specifically bred dog that doesn't come with this information. Dogs have more information than adopted people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

First mother? That makes no sense except if a child is placed older and the mom patented them. Genetic relatives. Oh my.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?

I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.

OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s

You have encapsulated the truth really well, OP. My mom was a victim of the Baby Scoop era, forced to go into hiding in secrecy and having a baby taken from her when she was just a teenager, and another a few years later when she became a “repay offender” after reeling from the trauma of the loss
Of her baby and unable to talk t anyone about it…she fell pregnant again after developing a bad drinking habit.

She never got over the trauma of losing this babies. It’s not complicated due to some very specific cruelty in the Catholic home where she was kept, but overall the increased public understanding of the systematic evil of the Baby Scoop adoption industry has opens my eyes and resulted in much more compassion toward my mom than I ever had (and I already had a lot). I only wish she had lived longer to hear these voices and feel less shame than she carried all those decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

First mother? That makes no sense except if a child is placed older and the mom patented them. Genetic relatives. Oh my.

I believe this poster meant the biological mother and biological siblings, but I'm sure you realize that, no?

[Anonymous]

My aunt was adopted. She was very different from her siblings (bio kids of adoptive parents), but extremely close to her adoptive mother. When she died, she went looking for her bio parents for the first time and discovered they were 15 & 14 when they had her… but eventually got married, had 6 more children (full bio siblings) and emigrated to the other side of the world. I think she had the dream experience, because she got to meet them all, had a fabulous trip, now stays in touch, has had them to visit, etc, but they emphasized that there totally respectable, middle class, ultimately satisfying life would never have been possible if she hadn’t been adopted.

[Anonymous]

On that topic, the book Before We Were Yours was beautiful and heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

No, there's NOT "lots of government assistance." I've seen this myth posted on DCUM before. And it's not true. A pregnant woman is eligible for Medicaid. That's it. Maybe there's a private charity who will help with maternity clothes, maybe a women's shelter will house a person if she's a domestic violence victim. But no other government assistance that I can think of. If you are sure you're correct, post the links.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better

Do you have any contact with your first mother or any genetic relatives?

First mother? That makes no sense except if a child is placed older and the mom patented them. Genetic relatives. Oh my.

What part do you not understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

No, there's NOT "lots of government assistance." I've seen this myth posted on DCUM before. And it's not true. A pregnant woman is eligible for Medicaid. That's it. Maybe there's a private charity who will help with maternity clothes, maybe a women's shelter will house a person if she's a domestic violence victim. But no other government assistance that I can think of. If you are sure you're correct, post the links.

Food stamps, cash assistance, homeless shelter housing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.

Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.

Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.

No, there's NOT "lots of government assistance." I've seen this myth posted on DCUM before. And it's not true. A pregnant woman is eligible for Medicaid. That's it. Maybe there's a private charity who will help with maternity clothes, maybe a women's shelter will house a person if she's a domestic violence victim. But no other government assistance that I can think of. If you are sure you're correct, post the links.

Food stamps, cash assistance, homeless shelter housing, etc.

Where is there homeless shelters for a mother and children? Mother and infant? You know they can be there only at night most places? Where is food, formula, diapers ?

What and where is "cash assistance?"
Can you feed yourself snd children on food stamps? Do you understand how they work? How will mother work? Where is daycare?

[Anonymous]

What is this forum for? I am a 1960’s “Baby Scoop” baby

[Anonymous]

TIL Baby Scoop https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Scoop_Era

I doubt you'll find many Boomer Canadians hanging out in DCUM.