If it felt like you married your soulmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years together, love at first sight. Some minor ups and downs until 2021 when some drift and an emotional affair. Hard time for about a year but things are looking good again and we’re gonna be fine.

How did you turn it around? What cause the EA?

EA wasn’t intended, just a friendship that got a little intense, that situation is deeply regretted and lost forever. Friend was hurt by my actions and that guilt hasn’t gone away.
Self improvement, therapy, accountability and space have allowed love to come back, ebbs and flows but things are better and clean between us.

When I was in my 30's I was the friend in this scenario to someone who was married and told me I was his soul mate. I was never married, child of divorced parents with infidelity in their marriage. I was stupid and thought this was sometimes how people met. I take full responsibiity for my role in getting involved with this person. But man did he lure me in with the whole I'm so unhappy in my marriage/you're my soul mate nonsense.

To this PP: I was also the catalyst for this person's "repair" of his marriage, or at least that's what he told me. It truly damaged me, maybe for life. FYI I ended it when I realized what he was doing.

Leave single women alone. You don't get to take from them what you don't intend to give. If you don't recognize your actions as predatory, you learned nothing.

+1 ruined my life

[Anonymous]

Married 20 years with two teenagers and we're doing well now. We hit a rough patch when they were little (including an emotional affair) but setting aside time to work on our marriage and attend counseling helped us.

Regarding the concept of a "soulmate" with the millions of people out there I don't believe there exists a single perfect match for anybody...but the two of us considered each other compatible when we first met and still feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully happy for 16 years. Then he got a promotion that required him to travel one week a month. Things felt off and distant pretty quickly, but he blamed it on work stress and being tired. A few months later I discovered he was having an affair with his admin assistant, who traveled with him on those trips. When I confronted him, it was like someone flipped a switch overnight and my husband was gone, replaced with a look-alike that just looked at me with empty dead eyes. He was there, but I couldn’t reach him, didn’t recognize the man he seemed to be, and realized that I didn’t even like this person.

Divorced a year later.

My “soul mate” also had a lobotomy around years 16-18. It really is looking at someone you knew and loved for 20-some years and not even recognizing them anymore.

So sorry you went through this too. It’s devastating and hurts your brain.

That's pretty much my XW after she started having an EA. But I had seen it before - every woman who ever broke up with me, it was boom, switch flipped, I wasn't even a person to her anymore. Very disappointing in someone I'd known and loved for 18 years. I knew from past experience there's no coming back from that, but I had to try for the sake of the kids. Didn't work.

[Anonymous]

We are great.

But I think that's because the notion of a soulmate might lead some into thinking they don't need to do anything to keep the relationship healthy. After all, if you're soulmates, it was meant to be, and everything will always be perfect.

The "downs" in our marriage have been very small, nothing big. But we both work on maintaining a healthy relationship. For us that means making sure we're both getting what we need, that we feel supported, and that we always give each other grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully happy for 16 years. Then he got a promotion that required him to travel one week a month. Things felt off and distant pretty quickly, but he blamed it on work stress and being tired. A few months later I discovered he was having an affair with his admin assistant, who traveled with him on those trips. When I confronted him, it was like someone flipped a switch overnight and my husband was gone, replaced with a look-alike that just looked at me with empty dead eyes. He was there, but I couldn’t reach him, didn’t recognize the man he seemed to be, and realized that I didn’t even like this person.

Divorced a year later.

My “soul mate” also had a lobotomy around years 16-18. It really is looking at someone you knew and loved for 20-some years and not even recognizing them anymore.

So sorry you went through this too. It’s devastating and hurts your brain.

This happened to my marriage too. At year 17 it’s like my best friend and the person I’d shared the last 20 years of my life disappeared. We got along great and it was so out of the blue. We were still having regular sex too. Divorced a year later. Gone and replaced by someone I don’t recognize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years together, love at first sight. Some minor ups and downs until 2021 when some drift and an emotional affair. Hard time for about a year but things are looking good again and we’re gonna be fine.

How did you turn it around? What cause the EA?

EA wasn’t intended, just a friendship that got a little intense, that situation is deeply regretted and lost forever. Friend was hurt by my actions and that guilt hasn’t gone away.
Self improvement, therapy, accountability and space have allowed love to come back, ebbs and flows but things are better and clean between us.

When I was in my 30's I was the friend in this scenario to someone who was married and told me I was his soul mate. I was never married, child of divorced parents with infidelity in their marriage. I was stupid and thought this was sometimes how people met. I take full responsibiity for my role in getting involved with this person. But man did he lure me in with the whole I'm so unhappy in my marriage/you're my soul mate nonsense.

To this PP: I was also the catalyst for this person's "repair" of his marriage, or at least that's what he told me. It truly damaged me, maybe for life. FYI I ended it when I realized what he was doing.

Leave single women alone. You don't get to take from them what you don't intend to give. If you don't recognize your actions as predatory, you learned nothing.

Nope, both married and there was never anything remotely physical. State of my marriage may have led to my own feelings developing but the friend had them too but never expressed any dissatisfaction in their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years together, love at first sight. Some minor ups and downs until 2021 when some drift and an emotional affair. Hard time for about a year but things are looking good again and we’re gonna be fine.

How did you turn it around? What cause the EA?

EA wasn’t intended, just a friendship that got a little intense, that situation is deeply regretted and lost forever. Friend was hurt by my actions and that guilt hasn’t gone away.
Self improvement, therapy, accountability and space have allowed love to come back, ebbs and flows but things are better and clean between us.

When I was in my 30's I was the friend in this scenario to someone who was married and told me I was his soul mate. I was never married, child of divorced parents with infidelity in their marriage. I was stupid and thought this was sometimes how people met. I take full responsibiity for my role in getting involved with this person. But man did he lure me in with the whole I'm so unhappy in my marriage/you're my soul mate nonsense.

To this PP: I was also the catalyst for this person's "repair" of his marriage, or at least that's what he told me. It truly damaged me, maybe for life. FYI I ended it when I realized what he was doing.

Leave single women alone. You don't get to take from them what you don't intend to give. If you don't recognize your actions as predatory, you learned nothing.

Nope, both married and there was never anything remotely physical. State of my marriage may have led to my own feelings developing but the friend had them too but never expressed any dissatisfaction in their home.

Forgot to add, I am sorry you were deceived, and you’re right with that person that is pure theft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully happy for 16 years. Then he got a promotion that required him to travel one week a month. Things felt off and distant pretty quickly, but he blamed it on work stress and being tired. A few months later I discovered he was having an affair with his admin assistant, who traveled with him on those trips. When I confronted him, it was like someone flipped a switch overnight and my husband was gone, replaced with a look-alike that just looked at me with empty dead eyes. He was there, but I couldn’t reach him, didn’t recognize the man he seemed to be, and realized that I didn’t even like this person.

Divorced a year later.

My “soul mate” also had a lobotomy around years 16-18. It really is looking at someone you knew and loved for 20-some years and not even recognizing them anymore.

So sorry you went through this too. It’s devastating and hurts your brain.

This happened to my marriage too. At year 17 it’s like my best friend and the person I’d shared the last 20 years of my life disappeared. We got along great and it was so out of the blue. We were still having regular sex too. Divorced a year later. Gone and replaced by someone I don’t recognize.

Did you still do stuff together like vacation or go on dates? Kid stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully happy for 16 years. Then he got a promotion that required him to travel one week a month. Things felt off and distant pretty quickly, but he blamed it on work stress and being tired. A few months later I discovered he was having an affair with his admin assistant, who traveled with him on those trips. When I confronted him, it was like someone flipped a switch overnight and my husband was gone, replaced with a look-alike that just looked at me with empty dead eyes. He was there, but I couldn’t reach him, didn’t recognize the man he seemed to be, and realized that I didn’t even like this person.

Divorced a year later.

My “soul mate” also had a lobotomy around years 16-18. It really is looking at someone you knew and loved for 20-some years and not even recognizing them anymore.

So sorry you went through this too. It’s devastating and hurts your brain.

This happened to my marriage too. At year 17 it’s like my best friend and the person I’d shared the last 20 years of my life disappeared. We got along great and it was so out of the blue. We were still having regular sex too. Divorced a year later. Gone and replaced by someone I don’t recognize.

Did you still do stuff together like vacation or go on dates? Kid stuff?

Not that PP but yes we did go on dates and vacations after she went into "you're dead to me" mode but it was no fun at all. She behaved so poorly that if I hadn't already known it was over, that would have told me for sure.

[Anonymous]

married 45 years
we are closer now than we were when we were young and stupid
I am his weakness. He is my strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years together, love at first sight. Some minor ups and downs until 2021 when some drift and an emotional affair. Hard time for about a year but things are looking good again and we’re gonna be fine.

How did you turn it around? What cause the EA?

EA wasn’t intended, just a friendship that got a little intense, that situation is deeply regretted and lost forever. Friend was hurt by my actions and that guilt hasn’t gone away.
Self improvement, therapy, accountability and space have allowed love to come back, ebbs and flows but things are better and clean between us.

When I was in my 30's I was the friend in this scenario to someone who was married and told me I was his soul mate. I was never married, child of divorced parents with infidelity in their marriage. I was stupid and thought this was sometimes how people met. I take full responsibiity for my role in getting involved with this person. But man did he lure me in with the whole I'm so unhappy in my marriage/you're my soul mate nonsense.

To this PP: I was also the catalyst for this person's "repair" of his marriage, or at least that's what he told me. It truly damaged me, maybe for life. FYI I ended it when I realized what he was doing.

Leave single women alone. You don't get to take from them what you don't intend to give. If you don't recognize your actions as predatory, you learned nothing.

Nope, both married and there was never anything remotely physical. State of my marriage may have led to my own feelings developing but the friend had them too but never expressed any dissatisfaction in their home.

I went through this too. Still working through the feelings though and I can't say why this part has lasted so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had a passionate relationship complete with shared values, a solid friendship and strong sexual compatibility…. How are you doing 10,20,30 years later?

DH. I think we're doing really well 19 years later. We can get sex in 2-3 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had a passionate relationship complete with shared values, a solid friendship and strong sexual compatibility…. How are you doing 10,20,30 years later?

DH. I think we're doing really well 19 years later. We can get sex in 2-3 times a week.

22 years in and so did we —sex 2-3 times per week—but alas turns out he was having it 1-2 times a month with someone else too.