Employee says manager is condescending. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both sides need coaching on EQ. The manager needs coaching to be less awkward and condescending. If you need to give them a list of how to function like a normal professional (e.g. greet your coworkers cordially) then do it. But driving off talented new hires can't be allowed. Especially if the field is sociable and the manager is not.

The new hire needs to recognize the manager's awkwardness for what it is and not take it personally. Not everyone she comes across is going to be friendly and socially adept. She needs to learn to read people and understand how to meet them halfway. Sometimes 3/4 of the way. I say this as a woman has has worked with several "strong personalities" over the years.

Ideally, you would find a way to move the new hire under someone else - at least temporarily - to put the fire out and keep her. I doubt the manager is going to be able to flip a switch and do a 180.

Move her if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both sides need coaching on EQ. The manager needs coaching to be less awkward and condescending. If you need to give them a list of how to function like a normal professional (e.g. greet your coworkers cordially) then do it. But driving off talented new hires can't be allowed. Especially if the field is sociable and the manager is not.

The new hire needs to recognize the manager's awkwardness for what it is and not take it personally. Not everyone she comes across is going to be friendly and socially adept. She needs to learn to read people and understand how to meet them halfway. Sometimes 3/4 of the way. I say this as a woman has has worked with several "strong personalities" over the years.

Ideally, you would find a way to move the new hire under someone else - at least temporarily - to put the fire out and keep her. I doubt the manager is going to be able to flip a switch and do a 180.

Move her if possible.

OP here. I really need her on the days and times she works. It's very hard to find weekend hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both sides need coaching on EQ. The manager needs coaching to be less awkward and condescending. If you need to give them a list of how to function like a normal professional (e.g. greet your coworkers cordially) then do it. But driving off talented new hires can't be allowed. Especially if the field is sociable and the manager is not.

The new hire needs to recognize the manager's awkwardness for what it is and not take it personally. Not everyone she comes across is going to be friendly and socially adept. She needs to learn to read people and understand how to meet them halfway. Sometimes 3/4 of the way. I say this as a woman has has worked with several "strong personalities" over the years.

Ideally, you would find a way to move the new hire under someone else - at least temporarily - to put the fire out and keep her. I doubt the manager is going to be able to flip a switch and do a 180.

Move her if possible.

OP here. I really need her on the days and times she works. It's very hard to find weekend hours.

There is a virtually unlimited market for clinical staff of all kinds. Move her or she will move herself...elsewhere. How hard is this to understand?

[Anonymous]

I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you want the manager to know?

A good manager will take feedback to heart and try to improve.

I want to respect the employee's wishes. She feels he doesn't like her. He doesn't greet her unless she greets him first. She has an overall feeling he's condescending and ignores her. The manager is close to the other team members, so she probably feels left out. She didn't say this, but it's obvious. She IS social and does talk to many people, even other teams. It's impressive how many friends she made in such little time. The manager she is complaining about is awkward.

The manager is not there to be her friend. She is looking for friends. He also isn't her equal and she lacks boundaries. Maybe he doesn't say hi as he's preoccupied with something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you want the manager to know?

A good manager will take feedback to heart and try to improve.

I want to respect the employee's wishes. She feels he doesn't like her. He doesn't greet her unless she greets him first. She has an overall feeling he's condescending and ignores her. The manager is close to the other team members, so she probably feels left out. She didn't say this, but it's obvious. She IS social and does talk to many people, even other teams. It's impressive how many friends she made in such little time. The manager she is complaining about is awkward.

The manager is not there to be her friend. She is looking for friends. He also isn't her equal and she lacks boundaries. Maybe he doesn't say hi as he's preoccupied with something else.

Stop making excuses. The manager has NEVER greeted her according to the OP. That's very, very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the greeting thing is part of his awkwardness. Maybe explain that to her, however, him being condescending and you saying her examples were valid is a concern. Move her ASAP before you lose her. It takes courage to speak up about these issues. She knows she can find another job otherwise she never would have brought it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

It sounds like he responds and greets her but isn't quick enough for her standard of greeting her and she expects him to greet her first from the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

It sounds like he responds and greets her but isn't quick enough for her standard of greeting her and she expects him to greet her first from the post.

OP. So no it's not exactly that. There have been times and I think this happened over the weekend where he's ignoring her completely with a blank stare. He also is expected to comment more and will just say "okay" to her when the answer calls for something more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

It sounds like he responds and greets her but isn't quick enough for her standard of greeting her and she expects him to greet her first from the post.

OP. So no it's not exactly that. There have been times and I think this happened over the weekend where he's ignoring her completely with a blank stare. He also is expected to comment more and will just say "okay" to her when the answer calls for something more.

What does he say about her and the situation? Maybe he just says okay as she'll argue till he agrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

It sounds like he responds and greets her but isn't quick enough for her standard of greeting her and she expects him to greet her first from the post.

OP. So no it's not exactly that. There have been times and I think this happened over the weekend where he's ignoring her completely with a blank stare. He also is expected to comment more and will just say "okay" to her when the answer calls for something more.

What does he say about her and the situation? Maybe he just says okay as she'll argue till he agrees.

It's a situation where she's asking him a question that needs to be answered. Okay isn't a valid response. She's still in training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the new employee in this situation and my manager was my direct report. He didn't like me from the get to and was condescending too (to everybody frankly). Unfortunately he had power over my work and I was sidelined from important team meetings. Being kept out of the loop affected my performance of course.

I realized it was because I had more certifications than he had and he probably felt insecure.

I should have said something to the manager above both of us but I didn't want to ruffle any feathers as the new person. It seemed nobody liked this guy but they put up with him so I did too. But I really should have said something about being sidelined.

A year later I was laid off due to not meeting expectations.

OP's situation is a little different because the manager in her case sounds more administrative and his lack of social skills doesn't affect the employee's performance.
In either case, unpleasant colleagues isn't something management can do much about I think. No matter how many parties and happy hours my company held, it couldn't break the ice of Machiavellian competitiveness.

She sounds pretty immature as the manager is not her friend and she seems to lack boundaries.

Oh God. So when a nurse is walking down the hall or to the meeting at the beginning of the shift she lacks boundaries for saying hi to her manager and he's allowed to ignore her? I have heard it all. Only on this forum is this behavior okay. It's plain rude.

It sounds like he responds and greets her but isn't quick enough for her standard of greeting her and she expects him to greet her first from the post.

OP. So no it's not exactly that. There have been times and I think this happened over the weekend where he's ignoring her completely with a blank stare. He also is expected to comment more and will just say "okay" to her when the answer calls for something more.

What does he say about her and the situation? Maybe he just says okay as she'll argue till he agrees.

It's a situation where she's asking him a question that needs to be answered. Okay isn't a valid response. She's still in training.

I wonder if he's being a dick on purpose?

[Anonymous]

Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.