Employee says manager is condescending. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

these examples seem odd. what does it mean that someone doesn't greet you unless you greet them first - is this walking around the office, in a meeting? What is the manager doing when he is "failing to initiate the greeting" - working on something, on the phone, etc.. Seems like a weird focus on the order of greeting. Maybe the manager is giving employees space to work and doesn't want to interrupt them w/ random greetings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way you can figure this out is by doing a 365 review. The “never greeting” thing sounds more like the employee being touchy than anything else. There are certain people who have rigid ideas of “politeness” and get fixated on perceived violations of that. Manager has been there longer than employee, so you should try to sort out what is really going on.

I had a manager who was very rude. Everyone knew it. It’s not something that can be hidden.

This sounds pretty black and white to me. Either they guy says hi/ greets or doesn't. He's missing a human element, it sounds like.

It’d not black and white at all. The employee could be overly sensitive - like the manager was in the middle of something important and was distracted, one time, and now she’s on a crusade. It happens. In general I am suspicious of people fixated on the “rudeness” of others. If this manager is truly off-putting then OP should be able to find evidence of that.

If this is always happening then the problem is the manager. People matter. You need to greet them. We teach this to small kids.

I mean yes, everyone should be treated in a respectful manner. But some people have idiosyncratic ideas about what “respect” is. Something about a brand new employee threatening to quit because her boss didn’t greet her appropriately just rings alarm bells to me. Either this manager is REALLY a d*ck or the employee is one of those people who gets off on drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way you can figure this out is by doing a 365 review. The “never greeting” thing sounds more like the employee being touchy than anything else. There are certain people who have rigid ideas of “politeness” and get fixated on perceived violations of that. Manager has been there longer than employee, so you should try to sort out what is really going on.

I had a manager who was very rude. Everyone knew it. It’s not something that can be hidden.

This sounds pretty black and white to me. Either they guy says hi/ greets or doesn't. He's missing a human element, it sounds like.

It’d not black and white at all. The employee could be overly sensitive - like the manager was in the middle of something important and was distracted, one time, and now she’s on a crusade. It happens. In general I am suspicious of people fixated on the “rudeness” of others. If this manager is truly off-putting then OP should be able to find evidence of that.

If this is always happening then the problem is the manager. People matter. You need to greet them. We teach this to small kids.

I mean yes, everyone should be treated in a respectful manner. But some people have idiosyncratic ideas about what “respect” is. Something about a brand new employee threatening to quit because her boss didn’t greet her appropriately just rings alarm bells to me. Either this manager is REALLY a d*ck or the employee is one of those people who gets off on drama.

That's not the only reason. OP said she gave examples of him being harsh in the beginning and it's obviously not condescending to not greet someone so there are other things going on. I do find it strange she's saying he has never greeted her. That is very odd. She's new, so he should be trying to connect.

[Anonymous]

Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:these examples seem odd. what does it mean that someone doesn't greet you unless you greet them first - is this walking around the office, in a meeting? What is the manager doing when he is "failing to initiate the greeting" - working on something, on the phone, etc.. Seems like a weird focus on the order of greeting. Maybe the manager is giving employees space to work and doesn't want to interrupt them w/ random greetings

Op here. In our line of work, it is odd behavior. I think it goes beyond failing to greet. She says he ignores her in other ways. She's a nurse practitioner. At the beginning of a shift we typically all greet each other. The manager isn't normally on the phone or busy with computer work. I am not working when they are together so it's hard to know what's happening. They can't ignore each other the entire shift. That wouldn't work. I need them to work together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

She's requesting to change shifts and managers. She gave me an ultimatum. I asked her if we could sit down and talk more about it, and she said find a way for me to work without x, and I will reconsider. There was also an incident with another employee being aggressive and I know she wasn't making that up, as we have had an issue with this employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

She's requesting to change shifts and managers. She gave me an ultimatum. I asked her if we could sit down and talk more about it, and she said find a way for me to work without x, and I will reconsider. There was also an incident with another employee being aggressive and I know she wasn't making that up, as we have had an issue with this employee.

It sounds like too much crazy for her to handle. She can find a different job tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

She's requesting to change shifts and managers. She gave me an ultimatum. I asked her if we could sit down and talk more about it, and she said find a way for me to work without x, and I will reconsider. There was also an incident with another employee being aggressive and I know she wasn't making that up, as we have had an issue with this employee.

She created a solution. Change her schedule. In most jobs you can't change managers easily.

[Anonymous]

So she is scared of this ar*e?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

What does this mean? I am not the OP. If she's a nurse at a hospital then it seems like the easiest option is to change her schedule.

[Anonymous]

360s for the whole division. GO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you move her to another manager on a "detail". And then the detail works out so well she stays there permanently.

She's requesting to change shifts and managers. She gave me an ultimatum. I asked her if we could sit down and talk more about it, and she said find a way for me to work without x, and I will reconsider. There was also an incident with another employee being aggressive and I know she wasn't making that up, as we have had an issue with this employee.

Well, could you find her another shift and manager? If it's at all possible, I'd do that.

[Anonymous]

Both sides need coaching on EQ. The manager needs coaching to be less awkward and condescending. If you need to give them a list of how to function like a normal professional (e.g. greet your coworkers cordially) then do it. But driving off talented new hires can't be allowed. Especially if the field is sociable and the manager is not.

The new hire needs to recognize the manager's awkwardness for what it is and not take it personally. Not everyone she comes across is going to be friendly and socially adept. She needs to learn to read people and understand how to meet them halfway. Sometimes 3/4 of the way. I say this as a woman has has worked with several "strong personalities" over the years.

Ideally, you would find a way to move the new hire under someone else - at least temporarily - to put the fire out and keep her. I doubt the manager is going to be able to flip a switch and do a 180.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you posted before Op .

Are you the "should I quit retail job bc my boss is condescending "?

Or "I just started, but want to quit?" or "trying to fit in" poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you posted before Op.

Are you the "should I quit retail job bc my boss is condescending "?

Or "I just started, but want to quit?" or "trying to fit in" poster?

Op here. I never posted before. There is a lot of drama among the nurses and this job is stressful. I don't have issues in my role.