Employee says manager is condescending. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both sides need coaching on EQ. The manager needs coaching to be less awkward and condescending. If you need to give them a list of how to function like a normal professional (e.g. greet your coworkers cordially) then do it. But driving off talented new hires can't be allowed. Especially if the field is sociable and the manager is not.

The new hire needs to recognize the manager's awkwardness for what it is and not take it personally. Not everyone she comes across is going to be friendly and socially adept. She needs to learn to read people and understand how to meet them halfway. Sometimes 3/4 of the way. I say this as a woman has has worked with several "strong personalities" over the years.

Ideally, you would find a way to move the new hire under someone else - at least temporarily - to put the fire out and keep her. I doubt the manager is going to be able to flip a switch and do a 180.

Move her if possible.

OP here. I really need her on the days and times she works. It's very hard to find weekend hours.

Well you're going to lose her anyway. Move her, fix the manager, bring her back. Or move the manager. But you're not getting your cake and eating it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

I don't know if he knows her age. I am going to bring this up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

I don't know if he knows her age. I am going to bring this up with him.

You can't call him on the reason, but you have to call him on his behavior. Ask him how's she doing and he won't be able to hide his contempt. Find a reason to casually observe first and when he acts a certain way about her tell him she's great and he has to treat her civilly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

This is a very weird reason not to like someone. Surely there are other homeowners around, to whom this guy is pleasant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

This is a very weird reason not to like someone. Surely there are other homeowners around, to whom this guy is pleasant?

I asked the question and this is what I was getting at. It's the stranger who comes waltzing in who has lived all over and just easy peasy with her husband’s income owns a house. He's stuck in a high school mentality and she's the captain of the cheer squad but he's got a little control now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

This is a very weird reason not to like someone. Surely there are other homeowners around, to whom this guy is pleasant?

Not on the team he's with. They are all young. I'm unsure if he knows, but her husband is a doctor. The only reason I know is during the interview, she mentioned it to explain why they have moved so much. I found out through someone else he's a surgeon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

This is a very weird reason not to like someone. Surely there are other homeowners around, to whom this guy is pleasant?

I asked the question and this is what I was getting at. It's the stranger who comes waltzing in who has lived all over and just easy peasy with her husband’s income owns a house. He's stuck in a high school mentality and she's the captain of the cheer squad but he's got a little control now

Op here. I have no idea if he knows her husband's job. She wears scrubs to work. She doesn't wear flashy purses or even wear a wedding ring. She's attractive, but it's not distracting. Doesn't wear makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she higher SES? Or more educated? Or educated in a more "prestigious" way? I have seen this shake out in this exact way when a new person is perceived to be higher status outside of the work environment and the person with a little bit of control exercises it inside of work because they are jealous or bitter about the other stuff. More than once.

Op here. I think this is it. I think it's more about household income. She's a home owner who recently moved to the area and mentioned they bought a home. He's single, balding, and rents or lives with his parents. She said it to signal they are finally settling down, as she's lived all over the country. He had a shocked look when she mentioned that. Another thing about her is she looks young for her age. She could pass for the 20s, but she is 34. He's the opposite, as he's losing his hair. The young nurses like her. She looks similar to Emma Watson. She's older than her manager, only by a year or two. When I looked at her resume and her face, I was second-guessing. She has two kids as well. She's very petite and doesn't wear makeup.

This is a very weird reason not to like someone. Surely there are other homeowners around, to whom this guy is pleasant?

Not on the team he's with. They are all young. I'm unsure if he knows, but her husband is a doctor. The only reason I know is during the interview, she mentioned it to explain why they have moved so much. I found out through someone else he's a surgeon.

Why is it about his income? They both earn money. A nurse practitioner is paid well!