I think I offended my boss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't like your vibe. You are ordering her around but she is your boss and she doesn't think she needs to be racing to answer you. You are fed up with her not snapping to attention and retaliate by seeking someone else to do her job on your time line. Just chill

a boss who would undermine a subordinate like that is just … wow.

The subordinate undermined the boss by racing to ask another employee (at presumably the bosses level or higher). That guy was annoyed at having to do boss lady's job and told boss "Hey, why is underling asking me this stuff? What's going on over there?" Op reached out because she has tunnel vision that her work needs to be completed asap and got frustrated too quickly by boss. Boss sees this makes her look bad and snaps at op.

Op here. I feel like this is how my boss perceived it which makes me sad as until recently I really liked her and would never do anything intentionally to undermine or upset her. In this instance, she told me to go to xyz and I did and it appears xyz did not appreciate it.

My boss instead of sticking up for me doing my job, clearly somehow made this into my fault. And now she’s avoiding me and being cold to me.

Generally this place is a slower paced organization and I do need to relax. I get anxious close to deadlines as things are left very last minute. By my boss and her supervisors and I fear if something falls through it will be my fault.

I just cant seem yo win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there?

Why haven’t you answered this? It’s important to know whether this interaction is a one-off or if you have a pattern of struggling or if you’ve ever worked with others in an office setting like this.

Op here. I’ve never received the feedback that I am too aggressive or too organized. In fact, I have been complimented on those virtues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there?

Why haven’t you answered this? It’s important to know whether this interaction is a one-off or if you have a pattern of struggling or if you’ve ever worked with others in an office setting like this.

It always says more about the PP demanding answers from OP like this (and implying OP is obfuscating) than it does about OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there?

Why haven’t you answered this? It’s important to know whether this interaction is a one-off or if you have a pattern of struggling or if you’ve ever worked with others in an office setting like this.

Op here. I’ve never received the feedback that I am too aggressive or too organized. In fact, I have been complimented on those virtues.

OP there is a boss out there who will appreciate you. Go find them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't like your vibe. You are ordering her around but she is your boss and she doesn't think she needs to be racing to answer you. You are fed up with her not snapping to attention and retaliate by seeking someone else to do her job on your time line. Just chill

a boss who would undermine a subordinate like that is just … wow.

The subordinate undermined the boss by racing to ask another employee (at presumably the bosses level or higher). That guy was annoyed at having to do boss lady's job and told boss "Hey, why is underling asking me this stuff? What's going on over there?" Op reached out because she has tunnel vision that her work needs to be completed asap and got frustrated too quickly by boss. Boss sees this makes her look bad and snaps at op.

Op here. I feel like this is how my boss perceived it which makes me sad as until recently I really liked her and would never do anything intentionally to undermine or upset her. In this instance, she told me to go to xyz and I did and it appears xyz did not appreciate it.

My boss instead of sticking up for me doing my job, clearly somehow made this into my fault. And now she’s avoiding me and being cold to me.

Generally this place is a slower paced organization and I do need to relax. I get anxious close to deadlines as things are left very last minute. By my boss and her supervisors and I fear if something falls through it will be my fault.

I just cant seem yo win.

My advice is to not get worked up or anxious about the deadlines. It sucks to have to ballet dance your way into everyone's graces but for now relax and apologize to boss (even if she made more blunders with her communication and feedback)

[Anonymous]

Are you pretty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't like your vibe. You are ordering her around but she is your boss and she doesn't think she needs to be racing to answer you. You are fed up with her not snapping to attention and retaliate by seeking someone else to do her job on your time line. Just chill

a boss who would undermine a subordinate like that is just … wow.

The subordinate undermined the boss by racing to ask another employee (at presumably the bosses level or higher). That guy was annoyed at having to do boss lady's job and told boss "Hey, why is underling asking me this stuff? What's going on over there?" Op reached out because she has tunnel vision that her work needs to be completed asap and got frustrated too quickly by boss. Boss sees this makes her look bad and snaps at op.

Op here. I feel like this is how my boss perceived it which makes me sad as until recently I really liked her and would never do anything intentionally to undermine or upset her. In this instance, she told me to go to xyz and I did and it appears xyz did not appreciate it.

My boss instead of sticking up for me doing my job, clearly somehow made this into my fault. And now she’s avoiding me and being cold to me.

Generally this place is a slower paced organization and I do need to relax. I get anxious close to deadlines as things are left very last minute. By my boss and her supervisors and I fear if something falls through it will be my fault.

I just cant seem yo win.

My advice is to not get worked up or anxious about the deadlines. It sucks to have to ballet dance your way into everyone's graces but for now relax and apologize to boss (even if she made more blunders with her communication and feedback)

yes. smooth things out while you look for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't like your vibe. You are ordering her around but she is your boss and she doesn't think she needs to be racing to answer you. You are fed up with her not snapping to attention and retaliate by seeking someone else to do her job on your time line. Just chill

a boss who would undermine a subordinate like that is just … wow.

The subordinate undermined the boss by racing to ask another employee (at presumably the bosses level or higher). That guy was annoyed at having to do boss lady's job and told boss "Hey, why is underling asking me this stuff? What's going on over there?" Op reached out because she has tunnel vision that her work needs to be completed asap and got frustrated too quickly by boss. Boss sees this makes her look bad and snaps at op.

Op here. I feel like this is how my boss perceived it which makes me sad as until recently I really liked her and would never do anything intentionally to undermine or upset her. In this instance, she told me to go to xyz and I did and it appears xyz did not appreciate it.

My boss instead of sticking up for me doing my job, clearly somehow made this into my fault. And now she’s avoiding me and being cold to me.

Generally this place is a slower paced organization and I do need to relax. I get anxious close to deadlines as things are left very last minute. By my boss and her supervisors and I fear if something falls through it will be my fault.

I just cant seem yo win.

My advice is to not get worked up or anxious about the deadlines. It sucks to have to ballet dance your way into everyone's graces but for now relax and apologize to boss (even if she made more blunders with her communication and feedback)

yes. smooth things out while you look for a new job.

Op here. In my feedback session, I did say I feel awful that I am being perceived that way and I hear her. I am used to a more fast paced work place and I will definitely try to fit the slower paced culture here.

I am offended however that she had to be mean and compare me to that office space boss. How about a “ thanks for making sure everything is going well” I’m getting a slap back for… being proactive and working?

[Anonymous]

Managers perspective: Sometimes overly type-A achievers miss the nuance in project management. You are given a target - and you set out to conquer that goal, right now, faster than required, and checking every box with zero variation.

In school this was a good thing, study for the test and get an A. The higher you go up the ladder in business, the less this attribute is seen as a positive. Showing that you can achieve is good; knowing the boundaries, priority, or how to adjust tone/pace/projects/influence stakeholders are more important.

I was this person in my early 20s. I managed this person a few times in my career. Now I mentor.

You are thinking “look at me! I’m so proactive. I’m crushing it ! Look I’m talking to execs to get my project done early!” And your boss is thinking “why don’t they understand this is my 15th priority on the list. And you are threatening my credibility with leadership by making it appear that I don’t understand priorities and am giving bad direction.”

Your manager should have pulled you aside and been more constructive in feedback. Best way to handle it next time is to say “I’m interested in understanding how project fits into companies objectives. How would you prioritize this?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there?

Why haven’t you answered this? It’s important to know whether this interaction is a one-off or if you have a pattern of struggling or if you’ve ever worked with others in an office setting like this.

It always says more about the PP demanding answers from OP like this (and implying OP is obfuscating) than it does about OP.

We have one data point and subjective interpretation from OP. Some context matters if OP really wants help.

Tell me you don’t have critical thinking skills without saying you don’t have critical thinking skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Managers perspective: Sometimes overly type-A achievers miss the nuance in project management. You are given a target - and you set out to conquer that goal, right now, faster than required, and checking every box with zero variation.

In school this was a good thing, study for the test and get an A. The higher you go up the ladder in business, the less this attribute is seen as a positive. Showing that you can achieve is good; knowing the boundaries, priority, or how to adjust tone/pace/projects/influence stakeholders are more important.

I was this person in my early 20s. I managed this person a few times in my career. Now I mentor.

You are thinking “look at me! I’m so proactive. I’m crushing it ! Look I’m talking to execs to get my project done early!” And your boss is thinking “why don’t they understand this is my 15th priority on the list. And you are threatening my credibility with leadership by making it appear that I don’t understand priorities and am giving bad direction.”

Your manager should have pulled you aside and been more constructive in feedback. Best way to handle it next time is to say “I’m interested in understanding how project fits into companies objectives. How would you prioritize this?”

I mean, she was assigned this project. If you want her to slow it down then you’ll also need to assign her something else to do. I’m sure the Type As will be happy to go elsewhere where people actually want to get sh*t done and are not so faux-busy or bad time managers that they can’t respond in a timely manner and collaborate as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there?

Why haven’t you answered this? It’s important to know whether this interaction is a one-off or if you have a pattern of struggling or if you’ve ever worked with others in an office setting like this.

It always says more about the PP demanding answers from OP like this (and implying OP is obfuscating) than it does about OP.

We have one data point and subjective interpretation from OP. Some context matters if OP really wants help.

Tell me you don’t have critical thinking skills without saying you don’t have critical thinking skills.

[Anonymous]

I would not appreciate being told, as a manager, that my pace is slow and you were not used to working in such a slow office culture. WTF!
For the record my pace is brutal and I don't think it is the right way, but telling other people, my boss no less, that their pace is leisurely or relaxed or slow is not a great way to make friends and get a good reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate being told, as a manager, that my pace is slow and you were not used to working in such a slow office culture. WTF!
For the record my pace is brutal and I don't think it is the right way, but telling other people, my boss no less, that their pace is leisurely or relaxed or slow is not a great way to make friends and get a good reputation.

If you as a manager were playing games like that, then even more reason to leave. “You’re being too pushy! Slow down and give them time to respond … what, you dare call us ‘slow paced’?? How insulting!!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not appreciate being told, as a manager, that my pace is slow and you were not used to working in such a slow office culture. WTF!
For the record my pace is brutal and I don't think it is the right way, but telling other people, my boss no less, that their pace is leisurely or relaxed or slow is not a great way to make friends and get a good reputation.

If you as a manager were playing games like that, then even more reason to leave. “You’re being too pushy! Slow down and give them time to respond … what, you dare call us ‘slow paced’?? How insulting!!!”

Op here. I’m actually surprised she seemed to imply I can come across as condescending especially since I apparently say, “ that’s great” or “that would be great”

I had never seen office space so I never made the connection until I watched it. God so embarrassing