I think I offended my boss
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Anonymous
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I started at a new job about 6 months ago. At my 3 mark review she gave me an “exceptional” review saying I’m a great culture fit and I am so organized and have great communication skills. I was thrilled and promised to work harder and better. At our next project, I was setting up the project plan. I went ahead and reached out to people to ask questions about how various parts of the project would come together. I noticed that my boss was being distant. Rescheduling our check-ins at short notice and not responding to questions I asked via chat. At one point she sent me an annoyed chat saying “ I can’t handle this right now please contact X to get the info”. I said ok and went ahead and reached out to others to get my answers as I wanted to move forward with my project as she seemed busy.
Well she finally met with me and was cold and angry. She said I can come across as snobby and give vibes of the manager from Office Space and if I’d ever seen that movie? And that people have complained about me being “aggressive” to her. Since our chat she has continued to be cold and distant. I was dumb struck. I have not been aggressive in any of my interactions with anyone I reached out to. I have been polite and kind. I also have been reaching out to others as she suddenly seems busy and doesn’t respond yo my questions or specifically told me yo reach out to others and handle it on my own. When does she want me to wait for her to answer vs when should I be working independently?what is going on? I am confused and she is confusing me. And her feedback seems untrue and unfair. |
Anonymous
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It sounds to me like you are micromanaging without including others in the planning. Did you have a meeting to discuss the project, decide requirements, and issue a reasonable timetable?
We had an employee like you that constantly demanded immediate things with quick turnaround expectations and she drove us all insane. We have other things to do besides serve her wishes! She also created a lot of busy work that really wasn’t necessary. Wasted our time. Thank God she left and can go harass some other team. Her replacement is much more laid back and reasonable. |
Anonymous
| Other people have their own work to do. Not just serve you all day. You shouldn’t be bothering people every day. |
Anonymous
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Maybe you're not as polite and kind as you think. And are you sure your 3 month review didn't go to your head? A bit over zealous and, in being so, you're coming across as generally an annoying coworker?
Sounds like the honeymoon period is over and you're getting comfortable so your true (larger than life) personality is coming through. And not many people like it. Maybe tone it it down a bit. Even reading your post you come across as |
Anonymous
How do you recommend I behave like? |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry that happened OP, it sounds confusing and upsetting.
Can you think back to what you were doing at months 0-3 and do that again? Possibly you were not being as proactive because you knew less; maybe that is the right level of interaction in your organization. Is it possible your project is not very important in the larger scheme of things, and people do not have time to spend on it in the way you do? (The boss in Office Space needs minor things done on a tight timeline for no good reason.) However, a good boss would just tell you that, not lash out, so maybe start looking for something new where your energy is appreciated. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you are asking people a lot of questions and needing a lot of hand holding and not picking up their social cues that they are busy with their own work and don’t have time to sit and answer your queries. It also sounds like maybe you are coming across as condescending to people at or even above your level and not respectful.
That being said her communication is appalling and unbefitting a manager. You should go to hr and they will work with her to better handle the situation. |
Anonymous
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Ask your boss to sit down with you, detail the issues, and brainstorm on ways you can fix them. If they are a decent boss, and there is a real problem, they will be glad to do this.
If they decline to do this, then I would suggest they are not a great boss and/or they are dealing with something that has nothing to do with you and just taking it out on you. Also, if you have any co-workers that you trust, you could ask them if they have any feedback for you or have heard any grumblings from others about your performance. |
Anonymous
Is it possible your project is not very important in the larger scheme of things, and people do not have time to spend on it in the way you do? -- I THINK THIS IS THE ANSWER |
Anonymous
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agree with PPs, in summary, try to make your boss' job easier - constantly asking for guidance is not that.
figure out on your own and only come to her when you've tried other avenues first |
Anonymous
| Start looking for a new job. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| Shocking she said you come across as snobby. She doesn't sound like a smart manager—no class to say something like that. |
Anonymous
| My theory: boss is in hot water and trying to blame it on you. No bueno. |
Anonymous
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We need more info:
How old are you? Is this your first job? if not, what was your last job and what was the feedback there? |
Anonymous
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OP can you redact details and post one of your typical emails here for tone context?
Agree that you should ask your boss to sit down and clarify. Be really nice about this. "Mary, I'm so sorry I've caused these problems. I'm at a total loss to understand what I've been doing wrong. If I could see myself as others do, I might be able to change. Do you think we could go through some situations where I made mistakes? " Maybe you'll be able to stay, or her insights could help you in your next job. |