I want a divorce (Virginia)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men remarry and have more kids. Most women do not because men marry younger women. Your kids will spend slot of time with their step family and you will have some solo holidays. Just be prepared for that outcome. You will gain a lot of independence. Your kids will gain a stepmom. You think your dh can’t possibly attract someone but it’s precisely these guys that do.

Not in their mid to late 40s they don't.

I'm mid-50s and gf is 30+ years younger. It's not that hard to do.

Yeah, you've just got to give her her consolation baby and that way she'll be set up when she divorces you right when you need long term care.

I bet you consider yourself a kind and compassionate person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a child of parents who divorced when I was in my 20s I will say it sucks. I understand intellectually why they divorced but it is still very hard to try and split time with my parents now that I am married and have kids. Someone always get the short end of the stick. My parents are even pretty amicable now and live in the same town. That makes it exponentially easier. But its hard and I do wish that they were still together (and happy!). I am glad I didn't have to split time between two houses as a kid. That would have been horrible. Its bad enough now having to go to one house, visit and then pack everything up and move houses for another few days. Anybody with young kids knows how much crap you have to pack even for one overnight! Then having to repack it just to move houses is such a pain. Then you have to decide who gets Christmas? Who gets Thanksgiving, etc.

I sympathize with your situation, but truly, it's not all about you. You can also stay put and ask them to visit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to want to be dad to her kids even part time. She can divorce but don't expect someone else to be their father.

Why would she expect that? Her kids have a father and she said he's wonderful at being one. Not every woman who is divorced is looking for a daddy replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you even thinking about your kids in this? How it will affect them? All I hear from your post is me me me

\

My whole relationship has been focused on him and my children. People roll their eyes and talk about all I do and how much he doesn't. I have begged him to go to counseling WITH me and he won't. I want the best for the kids but should it be at the scarafice of having a mom who is not happy and a husband who drinks 6 nights a week silently getting drunk which they will come to know as they age? We manage a family we don't have a partnership.

You didn’t say he was an alcoholic. You would have gotten completely different advice if you had stated this from the start. How is this not your main concern?

Typical DCUM troll move. Dripping out vital information to see how it changes responses.

[Anonymous]

Troll. People who got married when they were 20 years old don’t use DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to want to be dad to her kids even part time. She can divorce but don't expect someone else to be their father.

Why would she expect that? Her kids have a father and she said he's wonderful at being one. Not every woman who is divorced is looking for a daddy replacement.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men remarry and have more kids. Most women do not because men marry younger women. Your kids will spend slot of time with their step family and you will have some solo holidays. Just be prepared for that outcome. You will gain a lot of independence. Your kids will gain a stepmom. You think your dh can’t possibly attract someone but it’s precisely these guys that do.

Not in their mid to late 40s they don't.

I'm mid-50s and gf is 30+ years younger. It's not that hard to do.

I did not say it was "hard"; I said most men in their late 40s do not want to get married and have more kids. My ex is 50 and won't date 30s for this reason. I have also met several others. The comment was "the kids will gain a step mom." Smart men don't want to do it all over again. Apparently, you are one of the dumb ones.

I am 45. I date men in their 30s. Again, not hard. I would not date a man in his 50s. There is no need and they have nothing to offer. Unlike 30s, I don't need your money. I have my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men remarry and have more kids. Most women do not because men marry younger women. Your kids will spend slot of time with their step family and you will have some solo holidays. Just be prepared for that outcome. You will gain a lot of independence. Your kids will gain a stepmom. You think your dh can’t possibly attract someone but it’s precisely these guys that do.

Not in their mid to late 40s they don't.

I'm mid-50s and gf is 30+ years younger. It's not that hard to do.

I did not say it was "hard"; I said most men in their late 40s do not want to get married and have more kids. My ex is 50 and won't date 30s for this reason. I have also met several others. The comment was "the kids will gain a step mom." Smart men don't want to do it all over again. Apparently, you are one of the dumb ones.

I am 45. I date men in their 30s. Again, not hard. I would not date a man in his 50s. There is no need and they have nothing to offer. Unlike 30s, I don't need your money. I have my own.

So what do 30 something year old men have to offer that a 50 year old does not?

I am just curious. I am a woman if that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hostile. We've been together 22 years and I've totally fallen out of love with him. I've tried for two solid years to make things better between us, including going to marriage counseling by myself, getting on anxiety medicine, losing 40 pounds, and becoming really attentive to my body and general physical health, getting a new job and making a very good salary to contribute even more so to the family. He is not willing to do any extra work and typically just tells me I'm the problem. We live a relatively "good" life with our three kids but it's passionless and lonely. I'm tired. I am 42 and I do not want to wait until I'm 52 to have the courage to leave and maybe have a second chance at love. My kids have been my world, and I have lost myself in that world. I'm coming alive again and realizing that I need to be more than just my children's mother, especially as they grow and become more independent. I know certainly that once they are off to college, we will have very little left between us. We both adore our children. I am a wonderful mother and he is an absolutely wonderful father

What do I need to truly consider or plan for if I initiate a divorce? I do believe I can find happiness on the other side of this.

Hello?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hostile. We've been together 22 years and I've totally fallen out of love with him. I've tried for two solid years to make things better between us, including going to marriage counseling by myself, getting on anxiety medicine, losing 40 pounds, and becoming really attentive to my body and general physical health, getting a new job and making a very good salary to contribute even more so to the family. He is not willing to do any extra work and typically just tells me I'm the problem. We live a relatively "good" life with our three kids but it's passionless and lonely. I'm tired. I am 42 and I do not want to wait until I'm 52 to have the courage to leave and maybe have a second chance at love. My kids have been my world, and I have lost myself in that world. I'm coming alive again and realizing that I need to be more than just my children's mother, especially as they grow and become more independent. I know certainly that once they are off to college, we will have very little left between us. We both adore our children. I am a wonderful mother and he is an absolutely wonderful father

What do I need to truly consider or plan for if I initiate a divorce? I do believe I can find happiness on the other side of this.

You are selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men remarry and have more kids. Most women do not because men marry younger women. Your kids will spend slot of time with their step family and you will have some solo holidays. Just be prepared for that outcome. You will gain a lot of independence. Your kids will gain a stepmom. You think your dh can’t possibly attract someone but it’s precisely these guys that do.

Not in their mid to late 40s they don't.

I'm mid-50s and gf is 30+ years younger. It's not that hard to do.

I did not say it was "hard"; I said most men in their late 40s do not want to get married and have more kids. My ex is 50 and won't date 30s for this reason. I have also met several others. The comment was "the kids will gain a step mom." Smart men don't want to do it all over again. Apparently, you are one of the dumb ones.

I am 45. I date men in their 30s. Again, not hard. I would not date a man in his 50s. There is no need and they have nothing to offer. Unlike 30s, I don't need your money. I have my own.

Good for you. this is one advantage that women put age have (I am 45 as well). Namely you can date men in their 30s because they know you are most likely not interested in having kids. So it's a win win
Men in their 40s on the other hand if they date women in their 30s not only they would want kids if childless but marriage as well if never married..I tried it once post divorce. Never again. The women I dated was 37 she wasn't really into me but somehow she was hoping we would married one day and have kids..she desperately wanted children. I dodged a bullet for sure...

[Anonymous]

Why did this thread from Feb of last year get resurrected?

[Anonymous]

OP - I was divorced at 44; sent my only child to college at 46. I am realistic that finding a new love is outside my control. The dating is very difficult for both men and women at this age. Too many factors need to click to make it work for both.

You should think if you are better off forever single than married to your husband. It was my case so I divorced and I’m indeed happier single.

Your motives are all wrong. You should prioritize motherhood and interests of your kids.. It is in their interests ti have intact household and good colleges accounts/fully paid.

My exH and I are still arguing who pays for college. Our son is doing well now but divorce cost him a prestigious college and a sport he enjoyed playing.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked how many people say stay unhappy. I can tell you as someone that is 47 and stayed just for the kids. It will never get better. You will never be ok with a marriage that you are the only one willing to put the work in. My vote is - if you can do it, leave. I would start paying off all debt that you both have. Make sure you have the amounts of what you both have in retirement. Figure out how much the house is worth. Look to see how much apartments are near your kids school. Get your ducks in a row. Spilt while you’re still on good terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did this thread from Feb of last year get resurrected?

Same troll as earlier today