8 student deaths so far this year at NC State

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 9th grade and had one B+ on her report card first semester. Reading DCUM it appears she is no longer in the running for our state flagship, UVA. Why are we expecting kids to excel in every way at such a young age? Is there no room for error or mistakes? The pressure to be perfect academically, beautiful, popular, etc. at age 14, which is only compounded by social media, is leading to a lot of depression and anxiety.

YOU the one creating that pressure, if you act like she has to get into UVA. VIrginia has an incredible set of colleges that are all great schools, beautiful and unique.

[Anonymous]

All of the 8 deaths at NC State were not suicides.

Teen & young adults are victims of social media & gaming--both of which slow maturation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So what's changed in the past 20, 30, 40 years that makes suicide more common?

just in the last 15 years. Internet, social media, and cell phones.

I have a 17yo, and she is a complete mental mess. for no reason at all, except having her nose in her phone 6 hours per day. I, and many parents try to fight against it with sports, structure, rules, love, support, guidance, etc, but we are powerless. Schools require computers and cellphones for activities, so they unknowingly set them up for mental failure.

They don’t require them, you allow it. You can request all work be done without a computer unless it’s absolutely necessary. You also gave them the device they have their nose in 6 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Social Media and Parental Pressure to Excel at ridiculous levels

When I was a kid, if a kid was being bullied, it ended when you got off the school bus. It was not 24/7. Now it's 24/7 and EVERYONE at the MS/HS knows about it because of Social Media.

Just look at this group as well. "my kid got a 1550, should I put them thru another 20+ hours of SAT test prep to get them to 1600?" Smart kids are made to feel like they are not successful if they don't get into a T20 school---they spend all of HS striving for this, rather than enjoying learning and picking courses and ECs that interest them. Life is curated for them since MS/HS---they don't get to pick which courses to take as Advanced. Parents make them take 5-6 APs in one year---and unless they are a true genius, that means 5-6 hours of Homework daily for that, plus whatever ECs/Test prep/etc they are forced to do.
So even if they get into a good school, they may eventually break under this pressure as it is NOT healthy.

It doesn't have to be this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So what's changed in the past 20, 30, 40 years that makes suicide more common?

just in the last 15 years. Internet, social media, and cell phones.

I have a 17yo, and she is a complete mental mess. for no reason at all, except having her nose in her phone 6 hours per day. I, and many parents try to fight against it with sports, structure, rules, love, support, guidance, etc, but we are powerless. Schools require computers and cellphones for activities, so they unknowingly set them up for mental failure.

We can not "ground" our child and take away the phone becasue they can not complete assignments without tools that are a part of the phone. Teachers only accept assignments if they are scanned and loaded - no paper assignmments accepted for some of my children's classes.

You can’t sit with them for an hour while they do the assignment then take the phone after? What a crock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents allow electronics, teachers, daycare workers, Nannie’s, and coaches to raise their children, then expect them to be able to handle the stress and changes that come with college. They give them cell phones at 8 or 10 and that device quickly shuts out the parenting capabilities even more. They send them to schools that don’t even use textbooks and expect them to handle college life with note taking, writing, studying and reading from actual books and professional publications is often a requirement. They coddle them and cater to their every whim, claiming little Suzy doesn’t have time for learning how to cook, clean, do chores, plan a menu, learn finances because she has sooooo many activities. They don’t prepare them for the real world, too much coddling and not enough actual parenting. Then they get out on their own and lack basic skills and now college seems so much more difficult because someone missed how to adult 101 during the first 18 years of life.

I see this from the opposite side. With school standards that are developmentally unreasonable for many kids beginning at a young age and schools focused on "college and career readiness," the role of grades and testing looms large over kids. Their adult monitored activities consume their lives, leaving little time for free play. There's little time, inside and out of school, for free play - barely any recess. Teachers have increasingly been held to impossible standards and not given sufficient autonomy, which causes them to push back on students and their parents when adequate progress isn't being made. We also shifted to an ideal of intensive parenting, where parents are expected to cultivate their kids' lives, monitoring and supervising every minute. You can't blame parents for doing exactly what society tells them to do.

Look at this forum and the contradictory messages.

DCUM: You need to stop coddling your children and let them fail.

Also DCUM: If your children fail, it is evidence that you are a terrible parent.

Also DCUM: I'm a hiring manager, and I only hire students from top schools students with GPAs above 3.0.

We didn't coddle kids too much; we collectively deprived them of the unstructured experience of childhood where they could socialize without adult interference, make low-stakes mistakes, and learn how to problem-solve on their own. With college and career readiness school standards, we pushed adult ideas on them when they weren't ready, while we (both parents, teachers, coaches, etc.) modeled a stressed-out adult existence that no one would voluntarily choose. Many kids haven't had the experience to figure out who they are, which is exacerbated by the pandemic. They have been taught to focus too much on achieving goals, often by winning the approval of adults, and not enough on developing human connections. Social media exacerbates this problem.

Resilience isn't developed through failure and adversity alone. Resilient kids need support to try and fail and the strength to get up and try again. In this fractured world, many of them are terrified of making even a minor mistake because we taught them that their entire future depends on adhering to a particular path that doesn't include missteps or failure of any kind. Fear and anxiety are controlling their lives, which is why they have trouble forming the relationships that would help them become more resilient.

+1000

We need to let kids be kids in MS/HS. AP/IB courses are college level courses. Your kid does NOT need to be taking 5-6 each year. Too much pressure, and not enough time to just be kids and grown from unforced social interactions, not letting kids pick their path/interests (take advanced courses in what interests them, not the entire checklist)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.insidehighered.com/quicktakes/2023/02/13/8-students-have-died-nc-state-academic-year#.Y-uGmf9zTU0.link

What is happening? Our kids are hurting and this pressure is just too much!

So what's changed in the past 20, 30, 40 years that makes suicide more common?

Smartphones/social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in 9th grade and had one B+ on her report card first semester. Reading DCUM it appears she is no longer in the running for our state flagship, UVA. Why are we expecting kids to excel in every way at such a young age? Is there no room for error or mistakes? The pressure to be perfect academically, beautiful, popular, etc. at age 14, which is only compounded by social media, is leading to a lot of depression and anxiety.

So take her off social media.

It's hit the point that if you are not on Social media at 13/14 your kid will be a "weirdo" and left out of many social groups. So it's a catch 22 navigating this as a parent. So it can actually make the issues worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide is to some extent contagious, so you see clusters like this at universities. We had this happen at W&M when I was a student.

I think this is key. I also think there's less and less stigma attached to suicide. Go read the comments on social media account of a kid who kills him/herself. Peers are saying things like "be w/ the angels," "fly away," "peace," etc. I'm not saying that's bad, but there's some idealization of suicide going on w/ this generation. Finally, I don't think anyone has mentioned the decline of religion/faith, which undoubtedly is playing some role in this phenomenon.

religion/faith is NOT needed. What is needed is the presence of family and friends. Parents need to be involved and aware of what their kid is doing in life and social media. Talk to your kids. Drive your kid and their friends somewhere that's at least 20-30 mins away and just sit back and LISTEN to the discussion. Get to know your kid's friends so you can be aware of when there might be issues. My kid's friends moms are like 2nd moms to my kids. We all know that if we hear something concerning to alert the other parents---be it social issues, what might be depression/anxiety, BF/GF issues, etc. While our kids say they don't want us involved (it's not cool), they actually do and will open up if you make the effort to routinely talk with them---I know it's hard, I had a teen girl who preferred 1 word answers---"yah" or "nope" are the routine answers, so you sometimes have to work hard to pull out the real answer. Personally most of us get more info about our kids from the other parents as the kids happily chat while in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So what's changed in the past 20, 30, 40 years that makes suicide more common?

just in the last 15 years. Internet, social media, and cell phones.

I have a 17yo, and she is a complete mental mess. for no reason at all, except having her nose in her phone 6 hours per day. I, and many parents try to fight against it with sports, structure, rules, love, support, guidance, etc, but we are powerless. Schools require computers and cellphones for activities, so they unknowingly set them up for mental failure.

They don’t require them, you allow it. You can request all work be done without a computer unless it’s absolutely necessary. You also gave them the device they have their nose in 6 hours a day.

LOL. You are oblivioius, and obviously not a parent (likely a troll)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide is to some extent contagious, so you see clusters like this at universities. We had this happen at W&M when I was a student.

I think this is key. I also think there's less and less stigma attached to suicide. Go read the comments on social media account of a kid who kills him/herself. Peers are saying things like "be w/ the angels," "fly away," "peace," etc. I'm not saying that's bad, but there's some idealization of suicide going on w/ this generation. Finally, I don't think anyone has mentioned the decline of religion/faith, which undoubtedly is playing some role in this phenomenon.

religion/faith is NOT needed. What is needed is the presence of family and friends. Parents need to be involved and aware of what their kid is doing in life and social media. Talk to your kids. Drive your kid and their friends somewhere that's at least 20-30 mins away and just sit back and LISTEN to the discussion. Get to know your kid's friends so you can be aware of when there might be issues. My kid's friends moms are like 2nd moms to my kids. We all know that if we hear something concerning to alert the other parents---be it social issues, what might be depression/anxiety, BF/GF issues, etc. While our kids say they don't want us involved (it's not cool), they actually do and will open up if you make the effort to routinely talk with them---I know it's hard, I had a teen girl who preferred 1 word answers---"yah" or "nope" are the routine answers, so you sometimes have to work hard to pull out the real answer. Personally most of us get more info about our kids from the other parents as the kids happily chat while in the car.

Maybe your life has been too easy if you believe that religion or, more appropriately, faith is not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.insidehighered.com/quicktakes/2023/02/13/8-students-have-died-nc-state-academic-year#.Y-uGmf9zTU0.link

What is happening? Our kids are hurting and this pressure is just too much!

So what's changed in the past 20, 30, 40 years that makes suicide more common?

Nothing new. Read Cornell gorge suicides. The only thing different is that we now get shock media stories 24/7

[Anonymous]

Is there any proof that suicide rate is increasing among students in college?

[Anonymous]

Most of those deaths were natural causes please be careful when talking about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of those deaths were natural causes please be careful when talking about this

Are you referring to the 8 deaths at NC State ?