Finding an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7k/month is on the high end, but it sounds like he wanted to meet every other day, and had other requirements (NDA, etc). In my experience, going rate is $1,500-2k/month, meeting 1-2x a week. No NDAs or things like that. This is also with younger women (20s, 30s) where I guess you could say it takes less money to make it worthwhile to them.

Back to OP's question: I think you best option is to travel or find a reason to travel. Then, do sugar dating and line up a regular in each place you regularly visit. There's no "sneaking around" as you're not in your home town, and psychologically you'll feel more free to enjoy yourself also. It also helps if you can detach emotionally or at least compartmentalize. Don't be texting her every day. Just give her your full attention when you're there in person.

In your experience? What experience is that, pray tell? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

Sorry your wife doesn’t fulfill your porn fantasies.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, don't do this. Have you talked to your wife - really talked to her? Let her know what you need and ask her what she needs? You are probably not floating her boat at this time either. Get counseling before you do anything. Getting into an affair may seem like a good idea right now, but I promise you it could potentially ruin your life. Your wife and kids could find out (happens more than you may think) and they will completely lose respect for you, and if they don't cut you off completely, they will carry it around for the rest of their lives. Is it worth it? Do the honorable thing and work on yourself and the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

That wasn’t the question you asked. You asked if people are still attracted to people 50lbs heavier.

I’m sorry you’re not attracted to your spouse but it sounds like she’s not especially attracted to you either, though you don’t mention your own weight. Consequently in addition to the hindrance of being married/women not wanting to waste your time, you clearly don’t have a very attractive personality. Work on that and you might not need to seek an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Then leave.

Why stay and lie to the children? You don't want to crush them now but crush them later when they realize you are a toxic, shallow liar?

It's better to just be shallow and human to them. Don't add being a toxic liar to that. It's going to mess them up even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Then leave.

Why stay and lie to the children? You don't want to crush them now but crush them later when they realize you are a toxic, shallow liar?

It's better to just be shallow and human to them. Don't add being a toxic liar to that. It's going to mess them up even more.

The thing is many marriages survive though crisis period. These men who look for an affair in their 50s may end up not that interested in sex in their 60s and 70s, and just get by somehow. If he loves his wife and kids otherwise, why divorce and split assets over sex alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

Your wife gained 50 pounds because she is unhappy.

She knows your wandering eye and for some reason has not left your sorry butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Then leave.

Why stay and lie to the children? You don't want to crush them now but crush them later when they realize you are a toxic, shallow liar?

It's better to just be shallow and human to them. Don't add being a toxic liar to that. It's going to mess them up even more.

The thing is many marriages survive though crisis period. These men who look for an affair in their 50s may end up not that interested in sex in their 60s and 70s, and just get by somehow. If he loves his wife and kids otherwise, why divorce and split assets over sex alone?

How could he love his wife otherwise and not be attracted to her because she gained 50 pounds? She is probably going to gain more as she ages.

And if she discovers the affair, it won't matter how much he loves her. He'd be a monster and the kids will take her side

An amicable divorce is better especially when you can afford it like OP can.

[Anonymous]

The OP is looking for the easy way out. He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce. Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair. That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

In the afternoon every other day means she either can't be working regular hours or needs a very flexible job near the apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

In the afternoon every other day means she either can't be working regular hours or needs a very flexible job near the apartment.

I am working from home at a project based job. The part of the arrangement would be adjusting my schedule to his business schedule and basically be available “on call”.

[Anonymous]

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

This guy sounds do unbelievably shallow - he wants a robot, not a relationship. OP, find your integrity and either fix your marriage or get a divorce. These other kinds of arrangements , once discovered, will do so much more damage to your kids (and others, including yourself) than a respectful divorce would.