Finding an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is looking for the easy way out. He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce. Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair. That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.

Let's see, his choices are:
A. Work on relationship and hope it recovers.
B. Divorce and ruin family
C. Cheat, and move to Option B only if found out.

C doesn't seem that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

My DH had a lot of success finding his (single) APs at a bar/restaurant his buddy/“business partner” owned. He’d go over most nights after family dinner, or stop by after work and decide to just stay there or take his barfly AP to expensive dinners instead of coming home. The other APs before this were women he’d met through networking (he’s in communications so lots of teaming up on campaign pitches, making referrals for business, etc). So you might try those approaches. It has worked for DH for the last 7 of our 20-yr marriage.

PS I weigh 5lbs less than when we got married (128 lbs), three teenagers, $300K base corporate job, and I’m a cancer survivor with the unfortunate result that the massive radiation led to extensive nerve damage and made sex painful for me and less pleasurable for him. Hence his quest for 20something pussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

My DH had a lot of success finding his (single) APs at a bar/restaurant his buddy/“business partner” owned. He’d go over most nights after family dinner, or stop by after work and decide to just stay there or take his barfly AP to expensive dinners instead of coming home. The other APs before this were women he’d met through networking (he’s in communications so lots of teaming up on campaign pitches, making referrals for business, etc). So you might try those approaches. It has worked for DH for the last 7 of our 20-yr marriage.

PS I weigh 5lbs less than when we got married (128 lbs), three teenagers, $300K base corporate job, and I’m a cancer survivor with the unfortunate result that the massive radiation led to extensive nerve damage and made sex painful for me and less pleasurable for him. Hence his quest for 20something pussy.

OH and to clarify - NOT an open marriage whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

My DH had a lot of success finding his (single) APs at a bar/restaurant his buddy/“business partner” owned. He’d go over most nights after family dinner, or stop by after work and decide to just stay there or take his barfly AP to expensive dinners instead of coming home. The other APs before this were women he’d met through networking (he’s in communications so lots of teaming up on campaign pitches, making referrals for business, etc). So you might try those approaches. It has worked for DH for the last 7 of our 20-yr marriage.

PS I weigh 5lbs less than when we got married (128 lbs), three teenagers, $300K base corporate job, and I’m a cancer survivor with the unfortunate result that the massive radiation led to extensive nerve damage and made sex painful for me and less pleasurable for him. Hence his quest for 20something pussy.

I feel like this board overestimates the ability of the typical middle aged man to get 20 something year old women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

Sorry your wife doesn’t fulfill your porn fantasies.

+1

Porn kills marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

My DH had a lot of success finding his (single) APs at a bar/restaurant his buddy/“business partner” owned. He’d go over most nights after family dinner, or stop by after work and decide to just stay there or take his barfly AP to expensive dinners instead of coming home. The other APs before this were women he’d met through networking (he’s in communications so lots of teaming up on campaign pitches, making referrals for business, etc). So you might try those approaches. It has worked for DH for the last 7 of our 20-yr marriage.

PS I weigh 5lbs less than when we got married (128 lbs), three teenagers, $300K base corporate job, and I’m a cancer survivor with the unfortunate result that the massive radiation led to extensive nerve damage and made sex painful for me and less pleasurable for him. Hence his quest for 20something pussy.

I feel like this board overestimates the ability of the typical middle aged man to get 20 something year old women.

Exactly. And not all men need a continuous stream of 20 smth women potentially exposing themselves to STDs or being discovered. Thus they seek a more solid arrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Travel for work conferences.

International is better-- some countries have legal sex clubs - no strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel for work conferences.

International is better-- some countries have legal sex clubs - no strings attached.

It won’t work for someone dmv based and in a demanding job. These men need stability - someone easily available on call to help him release stress and sexual energy. A female neighbor on NDA with her financial interest in it, that’s what the previous situation described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

My DH had a lot of success finding his (single) APs at a bar/restaurant his buddy/“business partner” owned. He’d go over most nights after family dinner, or stop by after work and decide to just stay there or take his barfly AP to expensive dinners instead of coming home. The other APs before this were women he’d met through networking (he’s in communications so lots of teaming up on campaign pitches, making referrals for business, etc). So you might try those approaches. It has worked for DH for the last 7 of our 20-yr marriage.

PS I weigh 5lbs less than when we got married (128 lbs), three teenagers, $300K base corporate job, and I’m a cancer survivor with the unfortunate result that the massive radiation led to extensive nerve damage and made sex painful for me and less pleasurable for him. Hence his quest for 20something pussy.

Please say you meant to write, "my EX DH." I hope you got a hefty chunk of his big bucks income. He wanted you as genitals, not as a human being. No love, only lust. I'm sorry. And most of all, I hope your health is better, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is looking for the easy way out. He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce. Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair. That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.

Let's see, his choices are:
A. Work on relationship and hope it recovers.
B. Divorce and ruin family
C. Cheat, and move to Option B only if found out.

C doesn't seem that bad.

What is bad about C, it that you lose all integrity, if that is something you care about. And yes, divorce is hard on kids. But to find out you dad was screwing around on their mom? That is something they will hold against him forever. And possibly take into their own future relationships in terms of trusting others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel for work conferences.

International is better-- some countries have legal sex clubs - no strings attached.

It won’t work for someone dmv based and in a demanding job. These men need stability - someone easily available on call to help him release stress and sexual energy. A female neighbor on NDA with her financial interest in it, that’s what the previous situation described.

The bold...poor, poor man, who simply must have a side piece (and more side pieces, since he'll tire of just one) to "help him release stress and sexual energy."

I guess that man forgot he has two friends "easily available on call" as you put it, 24/7, completely for free! They're right there at the ends of his arms. They've been helping men release stress since the beginning of time. But darn! He can't get a big ol' ego boost from them when he talks about how he's so very frustrated at home and his wife doesn't understand him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is looking for the easy way out. He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce. Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair. That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.

Let's see, his choices are:
A. Work on relationship and hope it recovers.
B. Divorce and ruin family
C. Cheat, and move to Option B only if found out.

C doesn't seem that bad.

What is bad about C, it that you lose all integrity, if that is something you care about. And yes, divorce is hard on kids. But to find out you dad was screwing around on their mom? That is something they will hold against him forever. And possibly take into their own future relationships in terms of trusting others.

C also seems to destroy relationships with the kids. Even if the exwife says nothing to the kids they tend to find out somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP is looking for the easy way out. He needs to man up and address the problem by either fixing himself and the marriage, or file for divorce. Both are hard and he doesn't want to do the work. He just thinks he can put a band aid on the problem by having an affair. That is definitely not the solution and is the least honorable thing he could do.

Let's see, his choices are:
A. Work on relationship and hope it recovers.
B. Divorce and ruin family
C. Cheat, and move to Option B only if found out.

C doesn't seem that bad.

What is bad about C, it that you lose all integrity, if that is something you care about. And yes, divorce is hard on kids. But to find out you dad was screwing around on their mom? That is something they will hold against him forever. And possibly take into their own future relationships in terms of trusting others.

C also seems to destroy relationships with the kids. Even if the exwife says nothing to the kids they tend to find out somehow.

It can for sure. Depends on the kids, especially their ages, and the situation. I have a friend with an AP in another city he visits often for work. When I've met up with their family and kids for play dates, he's super dad and running circles around me in terms of engagement with the kids and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

I feel your pain....DW lost any interest in sex years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

I feel your pain....DW lost any interest in sex years ago.

This is most likely a you problem OP, too.