Finding an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

Nah.

Intellectual ppwerhouses can sometimes end up in low and moderately paying professions e.g. research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

You do realize there are cash transactions, right ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

You do realize there are cash transactions, right ?

I do, but a good forensic accountant will find them and her NDA specifies a number. If her ex finds out about the new man, that document is discoverable.

[Anonymous]

To quote that youtube sassy gay friend video, "Look at your life, look at your choices!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

Tempting, right?

If I were single and not a lawyer (I am not potentially blowing up my career/ reputation for 7k a month - these circles are small and insular), I'd be tempted.

However, the wife would 100% have to be on board. I am not participating in doing that behind another woman's back.

If I were a single nurse/ doctor/ pharmacist ( it's easier to just quit in these professions and move to another state if you are shamed. Lol) and the wife said to my face: I am tired of f## cking this man, please help for 7k a month, I'd say sure!

That was absolutely his wife’s back. And I was not a lawyer (he asked many detailed questions about my background, as if someone looking for marriage material partner, which is why I provided him info). Yes he was looking for someone outside dc big law circle. My job is in international development

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

You do realize there are cash transactions, right ?

I do, but a good forensic accountant will find them and her NDA specifies a number. If her ex finds out about the new man, that document is discoverable.

Good luck paying $25k for your thorough investigation. Cut the crap it’s pretty much not discoverable

[Anonymous]

7k/month is on the high end, but it sounds like he wanted to meet every other day, and had other requirements (NDA, etc). In my experience, going rate is $1,500-2k/month, meeting 1-2x a week. No NDAs or things like that. This is also with younger women (20s, 30s) where I guess you could say it takes less money to make it worthwhile to them.

Back to OP's question: I think you best option is to travel or find a reason to travel. Then, do sugar dating and line up a regular in each place you regularly visit. There's no "sneaking around" as you're not in your home town, and psychologically you'll feel more free to enjoy yourself also. It also helps if you can detach emotionally or at least compartmentalize. Don't be texting her every day. Just give her your full attention when you're there in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

You do realize there are cash transactions, right ?

I do, but a good forensic accountant will find them and her NDA specifies a number. If her ex finds out about the new man, that document is discoverable.

Good luck paying $25k for your thorough investigation. Cut the crap it’s pretty much not discoverable

Plenty of angry exes out there have paid a lot more than that to save a lot less money. A deposition doesn’t cost $25,000– you’re going to lie under oath to protect the cheater?

If you’re going to go into criminal enterprise to get more money, you should be getting a lot more than $7k a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

Tempting, right?

If I were single and not a lawyer (I am not potentially blowing up my career/ reputation for 7k a month - these circles are small and insular), I'd be tempted.

However, the wife would 100% have to be on board. I am not participating in doing that behind another woman's back.

If I were a single nurse/ doctor/ pharmacist ( it's easier to just quit in these professions and move to another state if you are shamed. Lol) and the wife said to my face: I am tired of f## cking this man, please help for 7k a month, I'd say sure!

That was absolutely his wife’s back. And I was not a lawyer (he asked many detailed questions about my background, as if someone looking for marriage material partner, which is why I provided him info). Yes he was looking for someone outside dc big law circle. My job is in international development

See, I don't get this.

Are people really married to spouses who don't have sex with them and would not give them passes? Why am I finding this hard to believe?

It will be easier to find someone if your wife was ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

She’d be taking a risk with her child support payments with a material change in income, and then not disclosing its source (per NDA) and not paying taxes on it. She could lose her kids and be held in contempt— no thanks!

You do realize there are cash transactions, right ?

I do, but a good forensic accountant will find them and her NDA specifies a number. If her ex finds out about the new man, that document is discoverable.

Good luck paying $25k for your thorough investigation. Cut the crap it’s pretty much not discoverable

Plenty of angry exes out there have paid a lot more than that to save a lot less money. A deposition doesn’t cost $25,000– you’re going to lie under oath to protect the cheater?

If you’re going to go into criminal enterprise to get more money, you should be getting a lot more than $7k a month.

Again, that’s not what would be of any interest to me, primarily because I wouldn’t want to waste time in my 40s on a dead end arrangements. But I am sure there are plenty of divorced women whose exes don’t pay them a dime and don’t even communicate with, or care at all who does what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

Tempting, right?

If I were single and not a lawyer (I am not potentially blowing up my career/ reputation for 7k a month - these circles are small and insular), I'd be tempted.

However, the wife would 100% have to be on board. I am not participating in doing that behind another woman's back.

If I were a single nurse/ doctor/ pharmacist ( it's easier to just quit in these professions and move to another state if you are shamed. Lol) and the wife said to my face: I am tired of f## cking this man, please help for 7k a month, I'd say sure!

That was absolutely his wife’s back. And I was not a lawyer (he asked many detailed questions about my background, as if someone looking for marriage material partner, which is why I provided him info). Yes he was looking for someone outside dc big law circle. My job is in international development

See, I don't get this.

Are people really married to spouses who don't have sex with them and would not give them passes? Why am I finding this hard to believe?

It will be easier to find someone if your wife was ok with it.

Yes, there are a lot of marriages like this. I was in one. I am a woman. He would not do a hall pass. We did not have sex for 7 years. I finally got divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7k/month is on the high end, but it sounds like he wanted to meet every other day, and had other requirements (NDA, etc). In my experience, going rate is $1,500-2k/month, meeting 1-2x a week. No NDAs or things like that. This is also with younger women (20s, 30s) where I guess you could say it takes less money to make it worthwhile to them.

Back to OP's question: I think you best option is to travel or find a reason to travel. Then, do sugar dating and line up a regular in each place you regularly visit. There's no "sneaking around" as you're not in your home town, and psychologically you'll feel more free to enjoy yourself also. It also helps if you can detach emotionally or at least compartmentalize. Don't be texting her every day. Just give her your full attention when you're there in person.

Yes NDA, regular STD testing, certain types of unprotected sex, sexual exclusivity were the terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

Tempting, right?

If I were single and not a lawyer (I am not potentially blowing up my career/ reputation for 7k a month - these circles are small and insular), I'd be tempted.

However, the wife would 100% have to be on board. I am not participating in doing that behind another woman's back.

If I were a single nurse/ doctor/ pharmacist ( it's easier to just quit in these professions and move to another state if you are shamed. Lol) and the wife said to my face: I am tired of f## cking this man, please help for 7k a month, I'd say sure!

That was absolutely his wife’s back. And I was not a lawyer (he asked many detailed questions about my background, as if someone looking for marriage material partner, which is why I provided him info). Yes he was looking for someone outside dc big law circle. My job is in international development

See, I don't get this.

Are people really married to spouses who don't have sex with them and would not give them passes? Why am I finding this hard to believe?

It will be easier to find someone if your wife was ok with it.

Yes, there are a lot of marriages like this. I was in one. I am a woman. He would not do a hall pass. We did not have sex for 7 years. I finally got divorced.

That must have been very tough. I hope you are having a good time and making up for all those lost years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

Newsflash I’m a highly educated divorced WOH mom and get all of $2K a month and only until kid is 18. It’s not exactly enough to live well or retire on.