Finding an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some married men put separated on the apps. I came across 2 when I was looking for a single partner (I am single). Both offered me certain terms with “allowance”. They needed confidentiality, me providing STD test, not having sex with others, so they could have oral/PIV with no protection. They looked specifically for this profile: a divorced good looking 40 smth woman with low body count (preferably after a long marriage not looking to remarry), and a child in financial need who would keep her mouth shut and could provide a long term “arrangement”. That was eharmony not a sugar dating site. I guess they used the site as it doesn’t show picture until you pay for a expensive subscription.
Both were law partners - one 60+ another 51 (very attractive 6’3 and athletic which is why I came out for the date). I am independently wealthy one percenter just listened to this crap on first date out of curiosity what men look for. But I can imagine some women are interested if that’s such a common thing.

This is awful. Basically taking advantage of women who need money to support their child.
Good luck OP. I hope you can fix your marriage or find a solution that won’t break your family.
This is why I stay fit and have sec with my husband even when I don’t want to… I don’t get why women can’t just put up with this as they put up with other things. My DH puts up with me and my moods/need for space all the time. I can do this for him.

They are smart cookies and that’s probably what many wealthy men in DC are doing. I never expected being approached for sugar arrangement on a serous dating site in my 40s! They both specifically were looking for that age group and thin ladies (the older one said it’s very hard to find). I asked why me - they said that younger women would start sleeping around looking for husbands exposing them to STDs or get pregnant, fall in love, tell wife, start pursuing them etc. The conversation starts like “ you are a very nice woman and I do respect you. You do have a child, does your ex pay a good CS? I can help you with your child needs, and share some of my lifestyle with you”. And so on. 60 yo expected me to accompany him on business trips for example. The allowance was around $7k plus travel and out of town expensive dates experience. Just to give an idea. It’s probably a very small expense for men in big law.

If they weren't cheating I would actually go for this arrangement.

It isn't as easy as you thing to find a safe, non-committal relationship with someone who is reasably fit after 45.

OP, if your wife is not game for sec, why doesn't she give you a pass? I don't get this. Are you having sec with her sometimes or never?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just meet your own needs rather than having an affair?

Woman here.

It's not the same. I take care of business by myself most of the time. But I need someone some of the time.

If DH did not want any sec at all, the marriage would be over unless there was a health reason why and we were working towards a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

His coworkers know he’s married so he can’t lie to/string along a woman as conveniently at work.

Also, they’re probably aware of his personality and the young ones will have already warned new hires about the creepy dude in accounting.

[Anonymous]

Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some married men put separated on the apps. I came across 2 when I was looking for a single partner (I am single). Both offered me certain terms with “allowance”. They needed confidentiality, me providing STD test, not having sex with others, so they could have oral/PIV with no protection. They looked specifically for this profile: a divorced good looking 40 smth woman with low body count (preferably after a long marriage not looking to remarry), and a child in financial need who would keep her mouth shut and could provide a long term “arrangement”. That was eharmony not a sugar dating site. I guess they used the site as it doesn’t show picture until you pay for a expensive subscription.
Both were law partners - one 60+ another 51 (very attractive 6’3 and athletic which is why I came out for the date). I am independently wealthy one percenter just listened to this crap on first date out of curiosity what men look for. But I can imagine some women are interested if that’s such a common thing.

This is awful. Basically taking advantage of women who need money to support their child.
Good luck OP. I hope you can fix your marriage or find a solution that won’t break your family.
This is why I stay fit and have sec with my husband even when I don’t want to… I don’t get why women can’t just put up with this as they put up with other things. My DH puts up with me and my moods/need for space all the time. I can do this for him.

They are smart cookies and that’s probably what many wealthy men in DC are doing. I never expected being approached for sugar arrangement on a serous dating site in my 40s! They both specifically were looking for that age group and thin ladies (the older one said it’s very hard to find). I asked why me - they said that younger women would start sleeping around looking for husbands exposing them to STDs or get pregnant, fall in love, tell wife, start pursuing them etc. The conversation starts like “ you are a very nice woman and I do respect you. You do have a child, does your ex pay a good CS? I can help you with your child needs, and share some of my lifestyle with you”. And so on. 60 yo expected me to accompany him on business trips for example. The allowance was around $7k plus travel and out of town expensive dates experience. Just to give an idea. It’s probably a very small expense for men in big law.

If they weren't cheating I would actually go for this arrangement.

It isn't as easy as you thing to find a safe, non-committal relationship with someone who is reasably fit after 45.

OP, if your wife is not game for sec, why doesn't she give you a pass? I don't get this. Are you having sec with her sometimes or never?

As I read the OP the issue is he wants to have sex with someone skinnier than his wife and he’s not keeping that a secret from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some married men put separated on the apps. I came across 2 when I was looking for a single partner (I am single). Both offered me certain terms with “allowance”. They needed confidentiality, me providing STD test, not having sex with others, so they could have oral/PIV with no protection. They looked specifically for this profile: a divorced good looking 40 smth woman with low body count (preferably after a long marriage not looking to remarry), and a child in financial need who would keep her mouth shut and could provide a long term “arrangement”. That was eharmony not a sugar dating site. I guess they used the site as it doesn’t show picture until you pay for a expensive subscription.
Both were law partners - one 60+ another 51 (very attractive 6’3 and athletic which is why I came out for the date). I am independently wealthy one percenter just listened to this crap on first date out of curiosity what men look for. But I can imagine some women are interested if that’s such a common thing.

This is awful. Basically taking advantage of women who need money to support their child.
Good luck OP. I hope you can fix your marriage or find a solution that won’t break your family.
This is why I stay fit and have sec with my husband even when I don’t want to… I don’t get why women can’t just put up with this as they put up with other things. My DH puts up with me and my moods/need for space all the time. I can do this for him.

They are smart cookies and that’s probably what many wealthy men in DC are doing. I never expected being approached for sugar arrangement on a serous dating site in my 40s! They both specifically were looking for that age group and thin ladies (the older one said it’s very hard to find). I asked why me - they said that younger women would start sleeping around looking for husbands exposing them to STDs or get pregnant, fall in love, tell wife, start pursuing them etc. The conversation starts like “ you are a very nice woman and I do respect you. You do have a child, does your ex pay a good CS? I can help you with your child needs, and share some of my lifestyle with you”. And so on. 60 yo expected me to accompany him on business trips for example. The allowance was around $7k plus travel and out of town expensive dates experience. Just to give an idea. It’s probably a very small expense for men in big law.

If they weren't cheating I would actually go for this arrangement.

It isn't as easy as you thing to find a safe, non-committal relationship with someone who is reasably fit after 45.

It’s probably even harder to find for men, if they need confidentiality and are married as most women do expect commitment at some point. Both married guys were above average on attraction scale vs single men average I came across on the app. But I just have no desire to waste several years of my life and then end up again single in my 50s, and I am not in financial need. But they will probably find some interested women

[Anonymous]

7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

You've got class. A lot of women would have slept with him anyway despite his being married. You held out for someone who was single, sticking to your principles.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you paid more attention to your wife and treated her better she'd want to sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Travel for work conferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work is the easiest way. People flirted with me at work, invited me for lunch, talked to me about past affairs, etc. once I said no to lunch they stopped, so you need to know when to stop, because you don’t want to harass a coworker.

Isn’t it risky to mess around with coworkers? Not to mention that many of us now work fully or partially remote

Nope it’s highly risky and will be eventually disclosed to spouse. The two married lawyers I described above were avoiding workplace affairs like plaque. The 51 yo was looking for sort of intellectual equal and only slightly younger woman. They need to talk to their kept woman not just having safe sex. Men are humans, too, needing some sort of connection for joyful intimacy.
We shared parenting tips, chatted politics on a second date before he laid out his “proposition”. It would have been a legal contract with confidentiality clause. I declined and now met someone single interested in a long term relationship. I actually did like the married lawyer and would have totally slept with him for free if he wasn’t married.

Skinny is one thing but I’d think his intellectual equal would have enough money or earning ability to not need to do this. Even a highly educated divorced sahm would likely be getting decent child support.

I am not so sure that many divorced women in 40s would decline a confidential opportunity to move to a better neighborhood, send child to a better college etc. I make 350k myself but if I was making 100k at a non for profit struggling to make my ends meet… I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

Tempting, right?

If I were single and not a lawyer (I am not potentially blowing up my career/ reputation for 7k a month - these circles are small and insular), I'd be tempted.

However, the wife would 100% have to be on board. I am not participating in doing that behind another woman's back.

If I were a single nurse/ doctor/ pharmacist ( it's easier to just quit in these professions and move to another state if you are shamed. Lol) and the wife said to my face: I am tired of f## cking this man, please help for 7k a month, I'd say sure!