Would you be angry if your DC’s roommate was constantly absent without explanation?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would this concern you at all??

[Anonymous]

What do you want OP? The roommate to give your DD a copy of her daily schedule? Why does you daughter care if the roommate is at lunch or orchestra practice at 1:00? Who she has dinner with and whether she socializes with a BF or goes to the library in the evening. Roommate is an adult.

Or, you want the roommate to eat three meals a day with your daughter and create a social life for her?

Guess what? The roommate is an adult who does not owe another adult (your kid) an accounting of her movements. And it’s not her responsibility to create a circle of friends or a social life for your kid. Your kid needs to leave the room, join some clubs, talk to other people in the dorm and take responsibility for herself.

The only issue I see is if the roommate is really gone for days at a time, it’s outside the roommates normal pattern, and your kid was unaware that would be happening. After a few days, you kid should probably tell the RA is case her roommate was abducted by aliens, or whatever and is genuinely missing. The RA has a procedure to follow and it’s no longer your kid’s responsibility.

But really, roommates should exchange text numbers and your DD should just be able to text a “haven’t seen you in a few days, just making sure all is well”.

OP— you seem to not grasp basic concepts about what two adults who are acquaintances owe each other. Which is basic courtesy in making sure both parties can use the room (sanitation, a quiet time for sleep, respecting the other persons stuff) and … that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I was the roommate. I did not like my room mate and minimized my time in the room. Perhaps your student should have a conversation with her roommate to make sure there is no misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

Don't be angry. If your kid wants to be friends with their roommate, tell him/her to ask the roommate to go out to a party together, or study, or to try out a new restaurant in town. And to be blunt, the kid is probably either sleeping at friends, a partners, or out hooking up. Nothing wrong with any of those options. Don't forget that these are 18 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Strange but don’t see how it’s really a problem. Must have other friends and activities. Not obligated to entertain your child. They should enjoy the alone time and find other friends.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the ideal roommate, OP!!!

Fail to see the issue here.

[Anonymous]

My son had the opposite "problem" last year. His roommate only left the room to attend class, but otherwise studied, ate, and slept in the room. He was in the room all day every day (except for a few hours). I think he would have kind of liked the opposite situation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first-year DC’s roommate, has, since the beginning of the school year, been constantly absent for days or weeks at a time. Mostly sleeps in bed each night but is gone from sunrise to late night most of the time. Really disappointing socially. What would your child do?

I'd ask for my tuition fees back of course.

This behavior is untolerable.

[Anonymous]

It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had the opposite "problem" last year. His roommate only left the room to attend class, but otherwise studied, ate, and slept in the room. He was in the room all day every day (except for a few hours). I think he would have kind of liked the opposite situation!

It is possible that OP's kid is like this, and that's why the roommate is rarely in the room.

[Anonymous]

OP. Trying to make sure I am not missing something. Is is just that the roommate is having a wholly independent life from your child and that is disappointing or is there something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Trying to make sure I am not missing something. Is is just that the roommate is having a wholly independent life from your child and that is disappointing or is there something else?

I wouldn’t hold my breath for OP to come back.

[Anonymous]

OMG that sounds like a dream roommate to me and my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had the opposite "problem" last year. His roommate only left the room to attend class, but otherwise studied, ate, and slept in the room. He was in the room all day every day (except for a few hours). I think he would have kind of liked the opposite situation!

+1

Nightmare room mate would be a room mate that never leaves the damn room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

I think it's an exaggeration to believe that the roommate "never talks to them" at ALL. OP seems to have hoped that the roommate would become her DC's friend and a social outlet for the DC at college. That is not the same as saying "My DC's roommate never speaks a word to DC" or "doesn't give DC the time of day" as you're characterizing it. It would indeed be weird if a roommate acted as if you were invisible but OP does not say that's the case. The roommate just does not need to be friends with the DC because roomie is too busy. The DC needs to be busy, too, joining and participating and generally building a social life outside the dorm room.