Would you be angry if your DC’s roommate was constantly absent without explanation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

I’m guessing something like 100% of the people responding in this thread attended college, and were rooming with a total stranger freshman year. That’s why everyone knows how awesome it is when your roommate is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

You'll notice that most people on this thread disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

I’m guessing something like 100% of the people responding in this thread attended college, and were rooming with a total stranger freshman year. That’s why everyone knows how awesome it is when your roommate is gone.

I was this room mate. Freshman had to live on campus, but I had good friends a year ahead renting a house with an extra room. I technically lived in a dorm room I never visited. My roommate was very happy with the situation and so was I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first-year DC’s roommate, has, since the beginning of the school year, been constantly absent for days or weeks at a time. Mostly sleeps in bed each night but is gone from sunrise to late night most of the time. Really disappointing socially. What would your child do?

I would have loved this because I had friends aside from my roommate and felt squished in a tiny double room and her boyfriend always slept over and I had no privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

I’m guessing something like 100% of the people responding in this thread attended college, and were rooming with a total stranger freshman year. That’s why everyone knows how awesome it is when your roommate is gone.

I was this room mate. Freshman had to live on campus, but I had good friends a year ahead renting a house with an extra room. I technically lived in a dorm room I never visited. My roommate was very happy with the situation and so was I.

Me too. We were put together because back in the 80s there were relatively few Asians at our college. All Asian students were paired for roommates. I am of Chinese descent, he was of Korean descent, but after that, we have almost nothing in college. After a few weeks, we really didn't like each other. And, so I spent most of my days with friends in their rooms, at the library, clubs, etc. I went back to shower, sleep, change clothes and leave again. I was so glad when the year was over. The guy in the room next to mine became a good friend and we were roommates for the next two years elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first-year DC’s roommate, has, since the beginning of the school year, been constantly absent for days or weeks at a time. Mostly sleeps in bed each night but is gone from sunrise to late night most of the time. Really disappointing socially. What would your child do?

I'd ask said roommate to kindly write a 800-word essay explaining each absense.

[Anonymous]

You should find an actual problem to be angry about and stop helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

Not angry, but sad OP, for lost opportunities. For freshman at a college where they don't know anyone else, it is nice to have a person to go to the dining hall with in those early weeks, as you settle in. And then hopefully you meet others on your hall and extend that network of friends with clubs and classes. Given these responses, not surprising we have so many disconnected tied to the phone young adults, and isolation and depression. If you come back to this angry mob set of responses, hope this semester fares better for your student OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course not. Firstly, this would not be MY issue. I don't absorb my kids issues. Secondly, this is a non-issue. My kid would never rely on ONE person to be their entire social life. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if both my college kids spent very little time in their dorm rooms during the day too. Classes, clubs, meetings, study groups, library, errands, meals, etc. None of those things get done in the dorm room.

+1
All of this. This is not your problem. And it's very common for students to spend most of the day out of their dorm room.

[Anonymous]

OP - it is what it is. I wouldn't be mad.

My first year roommate was perfectly nice but we really had nothing in common. She lived with me the second year too in a block of rooms with other friends. After sophomore year, it became clear that she and another girl in our set of rooms weren't really a good match for our friend group. They had other friends and Junior year they went to live with those groups. We all remained friendly.

I'd be hoping my kid could learn from this situation (1) to see the pluses and (2) to reach out to find friends with things in common (not just someone who is physically present).

It would be far worse to have someone toxic living with you, someone who affected your happiness or ability to rest or do school work.

[Anonymous]

It's really best if the roommate isn't access to social life. Those relationships have enough strain negotiating shared space, they tend to sour or become perfunctory at times during the year. If that happens it's better to have distinct friend groups that don't hinge on the roommate's whims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Nobody in their right mind would sleep in a room with somebody that never talks to them or has any social interaction.

All the PP's who are like, what is the problem, would literally lose their minds if they were forced to share a room with someone who doesn't give them the time of day.

Just ask for a change in roommates for Spring 2023 or if that is too late just let your child know that if f'ing weird.

You are assuming a lot. All I see in OP's post is that the roommate has a busy life and rarely spends time in their room other to sleep. Yes, that might be disappointing if OP's kid is having trouble making other friends and was hoping they would bond with roommate, but it is not roommates responsibility to be a friend. Maybe they are heavily involved with a sport or activity that OP's child does not share.

I hope OP gave their child realistic expectations about what it is like to share a room with a stranger. A small percentage become lifelong friends. Many become friends or friendly acquaintances. Some have a lot of conflict. And some don't have conflict, but also don't really become friends. That is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first-year DC’s roommate, has, since the beginning of the school year, been constantly absent for days or weeks at a time. Mostly sleeps in bed each night but is gone from sunrise to late night most of the time. Really disappointing socially. What would your child do?

Yes, I'd be so angry I'd go red and redder till I explode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not angry, but sad OP, for lost opportunities. For freshman at a college where they don't know anyone else, it is nice to have a person to go to the dining hall with in those early weeks, as you settle in. And then hopefully you meet others on your hall and extend that network of friends with clubs and classes. Given these responses, not surprising we have so many disconnected tied to the phone young adults, and isolation and depression. If you come back to this angry mob set of responses, hope this semester fares better for your student OP.

It is really disheartening to hear how many of you are celebrating the roommate as 'ideal.' It sounds like the roommate matching process did not work for OP's child. As I said before, I think it's totally reasonable to hope for a connection with your roommate. Not everybody is super social or finds their people right away. If the roommate settled in so quickly (or already had friends prior to arriving), it would be a kindness to reach out OP's child. My kid is a junior, and I hope that she and her roommate are friendly at the very least (and I hope that she doesn't have any of the 'nightmare' situations (i.e. being locked out of her room, etc). I was in a triple my freshman year and all of us chose to room with different people sophomore year, but we were friendly to one another.

[Anonymous]

"Child" is an adult. This affects your young adult, not you. You can listen to heir complaints, concerns, but I'm not sure encouraging talk about this is effort in the right direction.

It's unimportant that the roommate is gone. The roommate has no social obligation to like/include/inform anyone of their whereabouts. The fact that you are so invested, Op, is inappropriate.