Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're too uncomfortable, you might prefer to date men you know through friends/work/hobbies/church or whatever you're into.. As in, a real-life network vs online. That is how it's been done, and it's still not totally safe, there's still a possibility you meet a psycho who pressured short-term acquaintances to vouch for his newest identity.

I like to check up on people online as well (not for dating but other purposes). I know lots of people over 50 who are not easily found online in records, but find it somewhat suspect for under-50yos.

I am not on the dating apps anymore but back in my day (so like 2015 or so) you could sign on to tinder or what have you via fb and it showed you the mutual friends you have with potential matches. Does it still do this?

OP here: I've read reviews that Tinder is really for hookups now, and use a different site. But I will check this feature, great idea! I believe the League connects profiles through LikendIn right away, to avoid any issues with date identity. I am considering this app

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

I think she sounds smart. I would find this hunting expedition a waste of my time if I can't find info about him online. Of course, I also like to sleep with men early on to kick the tires so I can move on if it sucks.

OP here, I am also the same. See no point fooling him around if I like him. Would prefer to try the ride sooner than later. And I give up very early on, if I feel he's fooling me around with something, after some early experience in my 20s with men's gaslighting and ghosting after sex.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a common name and a good career, but not in a field that LinkedIn etc. matters much, so he's never had a profile. If you googled him, you would find pretty much nothing actually - I just did it! He also doesn't use any other social media besides Instagram and even that isn't his full name. I think it is fine to be cautious and want more information, but not having an active online presence doesn't necessarily indicate anything nefarious in and of itself. We don't own a home either, so no public records there. It is not as uncommon as you think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Dude, what? Did you come out of the womb with friends and a spouse? We all develop relationships with people we didn't really know at one point.
Do you not realize that the whole point of going on the date is to get to know him and potentially develop a relationship?

NP. My parents grew up in the same neighborhood, and so did THEIR parents!

Same with my parents and grandparents. Meanwhile, I have never dated someone who was even born in this country. The world has changed. It is important to be cautious, especially for women, but it is also very possible to make new friends and meet new partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

I've rented apartments and have owned property and it's not online. I'm also not on Linked In. I doubt I can be found on a google search and my name isn't common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

!?!?!?!?

How old are you? In the old days, we did this by talking with people.

[Anonymous]

Why do the most paranoid people seem to attract those who confirm their worst suspicions about strangers? I can't say I've ever been particularly concerned about meeting people from apps, and I've ended up going to their homes, meeting their friends, eventually finding out their last names and what they do, and the shadiest thing that's ever come up is a thirty year old arrest for trespassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you go for a second date ladies if the guy cannot be googled/no verifiable online presence? We exchanged numbers, I gave my actual one and I do have a pretty public presence online. His number gives nothing, neither does online name/location search. He did share the detail about his life, showed videos of his son and appeared a normal dmv guy.

But I am not comfortable going out for dinner with someone I don't really know. And it feels like we are on unequal footing from the beginning, me being transparent and him protecting privacy. If he thinks I am a nutcase, why offer dinner date?

Have you called his workplace to see if you get rolled into his work voicemail? i.e. Have you been able to confirm that he holds down a job and where he works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

He owns a house and everything is in his mothers name. A ton of people in tech have no LinkedIn.

I wouldn't date a guy who registers everything on his mother's name. A friend of mine was embroiled in a lengthly legal battle after her husband registered jointly acquired RE to his relative's name. She won but it was not a fun experience.

I don't care. I am not remarrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you go for a second date ladies if the guy cannot be googled/no verifiable online presence? We exchanged numbers, I gave my actual one and I do have a pretty public presence online. His number gives nothing, neither does online name/location search. He did share the detail about his life, showed videos of his son and appeared a normal dmv guy.

But I am not comfortable going out for dinner with someone I don't really know. And it feels like we are on unequal footing from the beginning, me being transparent and him protecting privacy. If he thinks I am a nutcase, why offer dinner date?

Have you called his workplace to see if you get rolled into his work voicemail? i.e. Have you been able to confirm that he holds down a job and where he works?

If course I don’t have his work number to verify - that’s the whole point of this discussion.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man. I have been doing OLD for 10 years. I have yet to google a woman's name or phone number.

I didn't have Facebook until a few years ago, and I never use it. No LinkedIn until this past year. No Twitter, no SnapChat. None of my guy friends play around with social media, either.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s smart to be safe and do your best to verify he is who he says he is and doesn’t have a criminal background. However, I will say that I basically have no online presence myself and I’m not a shady person at all. I’m just a private person. And I do own a home (but made my address and home info private) and I do have a job but I’m not on LinkedIn (not really relevant in my field), I have no criminal history, I’m not on social media (and I’m 38 so most my age are on social media-I’m the outlier). Not being google-able doesn’t make you a weirdo but since you don’t know him you do need to vett him more before dating and meet him only in public places until you know him better.

[Anonymous]

I would be leery if absolutely nothing came up for his name plus town. Something should turn up from property records, professional registrations/accomplishments, etc. even if he has no social media. That said, it can be hard to tell if the records are actually him if the name is something really common. A low key John Smith from DC is going to be buried deep in the search results.

[Anonymous]

Another psycho DCUM cyber stalker raises her head. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man. I have been doing OLD for 10 years. I have yet to google a woman's name or phone number.

I didn't have Facebook until a few years ago, and I never use it. No LinkedIn until this past year. No Twitter, no SnapChat. None of my guy friends play around with social media, either.

Of courze not. You are not prey.