13 year old is CRAZY when PMSing and we cannot handle -- what do we do?

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with a lot of behavioral issues stemming from mental health issues. One thing that continually need to remind myself is that he doesn’t want to be dysregulated. It’s more uncomfortable and unpleasant for him than for anyone else. Telling him to make different choices without supporting him will do nothing. If you send her away, that won’t help her change unless she gets help wherever she goes.

Pick your battles carefully. Don’t engage when she’s upset. If you hand her a pillow to scream into and walk away, it might not escalate. Remember that the point of discipline is to help her learn, so you don’t need to “punish.” When she’s calm (and no where near her period), have you tried talking to her? Explain what is absolutely never acceptable (violence, destruction, etc) and have a calm discussion about the consequences of that. Then, in the moment, be calm, remind her once, and follow through with the consequences.

You are lucky, in that it looks like there is a known cause of the disruption. Yes, birth control pills and psychiatric medications like Prozac have risks, but they are small and well documented. The risks to your daughter’s mental health, not to mention the social and educational consequences, of her current track seem huge and potentially lifelong. Talk to her doctor. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with her current doctor, maybe switch to a woman?

Finally, I would look into getting her a therapist to talk through strategies when she is upset. It doesn’t have to be a situation where she is in therapy forever. Similarly, I highly recommend getting parenting coaching for you to figure out how to cope.

Good luck- it sounds like a tough situation for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her pediatrician
Talk to therapist/set her up with one
Acupuncture
Send her to school anyway and let the pieces fall as they may
Re-evaluate her diet - avoid white sugar and highly processed food
Look into regulating menstruation and mood. There is growing amount of info on this

[Anonymous]

We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her pediatrician
Talk to therapist/set her up with one
Acupuncture
Send her to school anyway and let the pieces fall as they may
Re-evaluate her diet - avoid white sugar and highly processed food
Look into regulating menstruation and mood. There is growing amount of info on this

Please add links!!!!

I've tried with her diet because she eats so much junk food on her period but it doesn't work -- she just sneaks it and screams at me.

[Anonymous]

Others have said take her to the doctor. After reading your follow up I am going to suggest taking her to a gynecologists, not the pediatrician. While here behavior is fresh in your mind write down everything you can remember that happens surrounding these outbursts. The more you can have written down the easier it will be for the doctor to help you find a solution that will be best for your doctor. If you can get a video of an outburst that might be very helpful as well. It is ok to admit that you need help as a mom. I think that is what your post was about. Now help your daughter by scheduling an appointment. Once you have investigated the possible physical/medical sources for these changes then you may need to move on to psychological causes. Take it one step at a time. Remember that the rest of the month your daughter is not like this. Work hard to help your daughter solve this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Hey OP, you are a very poor parent.

Yeah, rare dcum consensus, we all agree that you are pretty awful.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a mental illness, not PMS. Psych eval is what i would seek. She sounds bipolar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

She needs a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Seriously. This is not a therapist issue, at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

She needs a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Seriously. This is not a therapist issue, at all

Yes but it's not that easy to get a therapist in an immediate turnaround. I thought that was a good first step.

Would bipolar only happen once a month? Because it does feel like that -- she is ultra loving and sweet and regretful afterwards. It's like being with Jeckel & Hyde.

[Anonymous]

*psychiatrist

Therapist was easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Hey OP, you are a very poor parent.

Yeah, rare dcum consensus, we all agree that you are pretty awful.

🤣

NONE of you have she-devil in your home once a month.

I think after a year of being hit, kicked, punched, and beaten, you'd feel exactly like me.

It's impossible to judge until you are in my shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Others have said take her to the doctor. After reading your follow up I am going to suggest taking her to a gynecologists, not the pediatrician. While here behavior is fresh in your mind write down everything you can remember that happens surrounding these outbursts. The more you can have written down the easier it will be for the doctor to help you find a solution that will be best for your doctor. If you can get a video of an outburst that might be very helpful as well. It is ok to admit that you need help as a mom. I think that is what your post was about. Now help your daughter by scheduling an appointment. Once you have investigated the possible physical/medical sources for these changes then you may need to move on to psychological causes. Take it one step at a time. Remember that the rest of the month your daughter is not like this. Work hard to help your daughter solve this problem.

Yes, I am trying to get her into my Gyn.

I agree that one issue is that her pediatrician is male and he's already dismissed a lot of the surrounding issues that we've raised -- her cramps are so bad, she's crying, she's not sleeping, etc and he keeps pointing to Motrin/Advil.

If I bring her in again about the same period issues, he's not going to do anything new unless I have specific direction.

My Gyn has a long wait but she is the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

So the only solution for women is hormones? That seems wrong to me.

I really don't believe in putting chemicals in her body on a long term process.

If you are saying 3 months would regulate her, I'd agree. But if it'll take longer, I'm not interested. I'd rather send her to boarding school or homeschool her first and see if those help.

Yes. Sometimes the solution is hormones. Her body's own hormones are completely disregulated and she is in PAIN both physical and mental. Fixing the pain would help. I had horrible, debilitating cramps at 13 and 14 and parents finally took me to get birth control and it was bight and dah after 2 cycles. And yes i stayed on BC until i had kids. Why do people go to the dr for migraines or stop eating gluten if they have celiac but refuse to understand that body and brain chemistry also affects us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

So the only solution for women is hormones? That seems wrong to me.

I really don't believe in putting chemicals in her body on a long term process.

If you are saying 3 months would regulate her, I'd agree. But if it'll take longer, I'm not interested. I'd rather send her to boarding school or homeschool her first and see if those help.

You realize this is related to her period, yet don't seem to realize that it can be caused by a hormone imbalance that can be regulated by medication. What exactly, medically, do you think is happening during a menstrual cycle?

What about boarding school or homeschool do you think will help? The discipline? Because that would indicate that you think this is a behavior issue, not a medical issue. And yet you say it's directly caused by her period... I just don't get your reasoning here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Others have said take her to the doctor. After reading your follow up I am going to suggest taking her to a gynecologists, not the pediatrician. While here behavior is fresh in your mind write down everything you can remember that happens surrounding these outbursts. The more you can have written down the easier it will be for the doctor to help you find a solution that will be best for your doctor. If you can get a video of an outburst that might be very helpful as well. It is ok to admit that you need help as a mom. I think that is what your post was about. Now help your daughter by scheduling an appointment. Once you have investigated the possible physical/medical sources for these changes then you may need to move on to psychological causes. Take it one step at a time. Remember that the rest of the month your daughter is not like this. Work hard to help your daughter solve this problem.

Yes, I am trying to get her into my Gyn.

I agree that one issue is that her pediatrician is male and he's already dismissed a lot of the surrounding issues that we've raised -- her cramps are so bad, she's crying, she's not sleeping, etc and he keeps pointing to Motrin/Advil.

If I bring her in again about the same period issues, he's not going to do anything new unless I have specific direction.

My Gyn has a long wait but she is the best.

Go to another female gyn and grt her help. Omg. Why in 2023 are we still dismissing women's and girls' pain is beyond me. Cramps make her not sleep, sleep deprivation is an actual issue and probably leading to a lot of mood issues as well.