13 year old is CRAZY when PMSing and we cannot handle -- what do we do?

[Anonymous]

Op back.

Thanks for the advice. No, I haven't mentioned it to the doctor except that she gets extremely bad cramps (that keep her up all night for days) and he said to just give her Advil. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal -- he said some girls get worse cramps and that's normal. It honestly never occurred to me that she's having something physical besides her period because she's "normal" the other days in a month. It only happens one or two days.

And I know it must seem extremely irrational to want to send her away but she kicks, bites, screams, pinches, throws stuff, breaks stuff, etc. We're all being abused by her once a month. At some point, it seems like I should put my foot down but maybe I'm wrong.

It's definitely not ASD, ADHD -- that's not a once a month issue that has been going on for only 18 months of her life. It's clearly from hey period and I thought the first year would be bad but it would get better but it seems to be getting worse (or my tolerance).

So what do I ask the doctor to check for? I can tell you that her doctor is not going to check for anything unless I ask him specifically to run a specific test.

I cannot put her on a once a month prozac because her period is not consistent and I don't want to put her on a hormonal pill at age 13. Plus, she is not going to remember it every day and it's going to be another battle in our lives -- she already complains about taking vitamins. This is a very determined child in the good (A+ student, star athlete, lots of friends, teachers favorite) and bad (never does chores, room is always a mess, never helps out, backtalks parents constantly, hits siblings) ways.

[Anonymous]

A doctor, obviously. It sounds like she has PMDD.

[Anonymous]

Again: take her to a doctor. This is most likely a physical and/or mental health problem, not a disciplinary problem.

And while you're at it, educate yourself about severe PMS symptoms and learn some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back.

Thanks for the advice. No, I haven't mentioned it to the doctor except that she gets extremely bad cramps (that keep her up all night for days) and he said to just give her Advil. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal -- he said some girls get worse cramps and that's normal. It honestly never occurred to me that she's having something physical besides her period because she's "normal" the other days in a month. It only happens one or two days.

And I know it must seem extremely irrational to want to send her away but she kicks, bites, screams, pinches, throws stuff, breaks stuff, etc. We're all being abused by her once a month. At some point, it seems like I should put my foot down but maybe I'm wrong.

It's definitely not ASD, ADHD -- that's not a once a month issue that has been going on for only 18 months of her life. It's clearly from hey period and I thought the first year would be bad but it would get better but it seems to be getting worse (or my tolerance).

So what do I ask the doctor to check for? I can tell you that her doctor is not going to check for anything unless I ask him specifically to run a specific test.

I cannot put her on a once a month prozac because her period is not consistent and I don't want to put her on a hormonal pill at age 13. Plus, she is not going to remember it every day and it's going to be another battle in our lives -- she already complains about taking vitamins. This is a very determined child in the good (A+ student, star athlete, lots of friends, teachers favorite) and bad (never does chores, room is always a mess, never helps out, backtalks parents constantly, hits siblings) ways.

Maybe start by making sure he knows her actual symptoms you absolute psycho.

[Anonymous]

You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back.

Thanks for the advice. No, I haven't mentioned it to the doctor except that she gets extremely bad cramps (that keep her up all night for days) and he said to just give her Advil. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal -- he said some girls get worse cramps and that's normal. It honestly never occurred to me that she's having something physical besides her period because she's "normal" the other days in a month. It only happens one or two days.

And I know it must seem extremely irrational to want to send her away but she kicks, bites, screams, pinches, throws stuff, breaks stuff, etc. We're all being abused by her once a month. At some point, it seems like I should put my foot down but maybe I'm wrong.

It's definitely not ASD, ADHD -- that's not a once a month issue that has been going on for only 18 months of her life. It's clearly from hey period and I thought the first year would be bad but it would get better but it seems to be getting worse (or my tolerance).

So what do I ask the doctor to check for? I can tell you that her doctor is not going to check for anything unless I ask him specifically to run a specific test.

I cannot put her on a once a month prozac because her period is not consistent and I don't want to put her on a hormonal pill at age 13. Plus, she is not going to remember it every day and it's going to be another battle in our lives -- she already complains about taking vitamins. This is a very determined child in the good (A+ student, star athlete, lots of friends, teachers favorite) and bad (never does chores, room is always a mess, never helps out, backtalks parents constantly, hits siblings) ways.

You can’t do that because you’re NOT A DOCTOR.

[Anonymous]

Uh, take her to a doctor. She’s probably a good candidate for going on birth control to help with this.

[Anonymous]

I see your 2nd comment now. So you’d rather send your child away than consider medication that might help her?

Sounds like your daughter gets her extreme stubbornness from you. Maybe why you are butting heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her doctor! My DD had to go on birth control at 14 to help with her terrible cycle and mood swings.

How long did it take to get better? How do you know she didn't improve because her cycle just got more consistent with time (like all girls do)? I'm other words, how do you know it's the birth control that helped -- was it immediate?

How long did she have to stay on birth control? Was it just a short time or permanent? When/if she got off, did it stay better? I really don't want my 13 year old on birth control/hormones for an extended period of time. If it's a 3-month thing, fine.

Also, was there any negative side effects? My sister gained 20 pounds in the first month and ended up with melatonin spots (dark mustache, etc) so I'm nervous about it but maybe there's a reduced hormone one with less side effects.

--OP

[Anonymous]

Please read the book Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy. This will help you.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

So the only solution for women is hormones? That seems wrong to me.

I really don't believe in putting chemicals in her body on a long term process.

If you are saying 3 months would regulate her, I'd agree. But if it'll take longer, I'm not interested. I'd rather send her to boarding school or homeschool her first and see if those help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back.

Thanks for the advice. No, I haven't mentioned it to the doctor except that she gets extremely bad cramps (that keep her up all night for days) and he said to just give her Advil. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal -- he said some girls get worse cramps and that's normal. It honestly never occurred to me that she's having something physical besides her period because she's "normal" the other days in a month. It only happens one or two days.

And I know it must seem extremely irrational to want to send her away but she kicks, bites, screams, pinches, throws stuff, breaks stuff, etc. We're all being abused by her once a month. At some point, it seems like I should put my foot down but maybe I'm wrong.

It's definitely not ASD, ADHD -- that's not a once a month issue that has been going on for only 18 months of her life. It's clearly from hey period and I thought the first year would be bad but it would get better but it seems to be getting worse (or my tolerance).

So what do I ask the doctor to check for? I can tell you that her doctor is not going to check for anything unless I ask him specifically to run a specific test.

I cannot put her on a once a month prozac because her period is not consistent and I don't want to put her on a hormonal pill at age 13. Plus, she is not going to remember it every day and it's going to be another battle in our lives -- she already complains about taking vitamins. This is a very determined child in the good (A+ student, star athlete, lots of friends, teachers favorite) and bad (never does chores, room is always a mess, never helps out, backtalks parents constantly, hits siblings) ways.

Maybe start by making sure he knows her actual symptoms you absolute psycho.

I really have nothing to add to this, except a couple of curse words. JFC, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op back -- one important addition.

It's NOT actual PMS -- it ALL starts about 2 days AFTER her period. Does that change anything???

The first day of her period is very light and she never knows it's coming. The second day is extremely painful and she goes crazy.

The crazy lasts for about 5 hours and then she seems to fall asleep and wake up feeling better/normal.

Is this still possible PMDD -- I've now read about it -- thank you! And yes, that's what she has but it's PostMDD.