13 year old is CRAZY when PMSing and we cannot handle -- what do we do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

She needs a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Seriously. This is not a therapist issue, at all

Yes but it's not that easy to get a therapist in an immediate turnaround. I thought that was a good first step.

Would bipolar only happen once a month? Because it does feel like that -- she is ultra loving and sweet and regretful afterwards. It's like being with Jeckel & Hyde.

Yes its possible. Its not bipolar, its her response to what happening in her body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Yes you are a poor parent. Your daughter is having a gynecological issue that is impacting her mental health and you do not have the parenting skills to deal with it. You need to:
- take her to a gynecologist
- take her to a psychologist
- take yourself to a psychologist that specializes in teen behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

OP you are a piece of f’in work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

OP you are a piece of f’in work

I think OP is just ignorant, not necessarily bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Hey OP, you are a very poor parent.

Yeah, rare dcum consensus, we all agree that you are pretty awful.

🤣

NONE of you have she-devil in your home once a month.

I think after a year of being hit, kicked, punched, and beaten, you'd feel exactly like me.

It's impossible to judge until you are in my shoes.

If only you knew OP. Head to the SN board. MANY of us have been hit by our kids. None of us sent them away to their grandparents. Your idea of homeschool makes zero sense either. How is that going to help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

OP you are a piece of f’in work

I think OP is just ignorant, not necessarily bad.

mm no I am pretty comfortable with saying OP is a bad parent. She’s refusing to even consider medication that could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

So the only solution for women is hormones? That seems wrong to me.

I really don't believe in putting chemicals in her body on a long term process.

If you are saying 3 months would regulate her, I'd agree. But if it'll take longer, I'm not interested. I'd rather send her to boarding school or homeschool her first and see if those help.

I mean not the only solution - but she already has hormones and they are obviously out of wack. If her thyroid levels were out of wack, would you make these same comments? The birth control would help fix the imbalance, just like Prozac helps increase circulating serotonin for those deficient. People have such moral righteousness about CERTAIN medications (like adhd meds) and yet not others.

So you don’t believe in chemicals, but you’ll do all those other trauma inducing things like send your 13 yo away? Are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a therapist appt for Tuesday afternoon (just a family therapist so it may not be enough) and I'm trying to get her into my Gyn but that's not going to be for a month or two.

I'm not putting her on hormones except for a last resort. If she prefers grandparents or boarding school.or homeschool, that's going to be a first choice.

Boarding school is a GIFT, not a punishment.

She needs a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Seriously. This is not a therapist issue, at all

Yes but it's not that easy to get a therapist in an immediate turnaround. I thought that was a good first step.

Would bipolar only happen once a month? Because it does feel like that -- she is ultra loving and sweet and regretful afterwards. It's like being with Jeckel & Hyde.

A therapist is a waste of time. Your DD can’t control this. She can’t “talk” it away.

Bipolar disorder can look different ways, so can only mental illnesses. And sometimes hormones can trigger underlying mental illness. I can’t tell you your daughter’s actions are not within the realm of PMS mood swings. There is something else going on with her.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. My 13-year-old can fly into a rage and shrieks and will sometimes even hit. I get where you are coming from. In our case, it's not tied to a period, but seems clearly to be puberty-related. I get it. I don't think you are an awful parent. It's very unpleasant, and very difficult to defuse, once she gets going, so we do our best not to set her off.

What does she say when she's not in one of those rages? Clearly she is sleep deprived and in pain, and probably has anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a lot of behavioral issues stemming from mental health issues. One thing that continually need to remind myself is that he doesn’t want to be dysregulated. It’s more uncomfortable and unpleasant for him than for anyone else. Telling him to make different choices without supporting him will do nothing. If you send her away, that won’t help her change unless she gets help wherever she goes.

Pick your battles carefully. Don’t engage when she’s upset. If you hand her a pillow to scream into and walk away, it might not escalate. Remember that the point of discipline is to help her learn, so you don’t need to “punish.” When she’s calm (and no where near her period), have you tried talking to her? Explain what is absolutely never acceptable (violence, destruction, etc) and have a calm discussion about the consequences of that. Then, in the moment, be calm, remind her once, and follow through with the consequences.

You are lucky, in that it looks like there is a known cause of the disruption. Yes, birth control pills and psychiatric medications like Prozac have risks, but they are small and well documented. The risks to your daughter’s mental health, not to mention the social and educational consequences, of her current track seem huge and potentially lifelong. Talk to her doctor. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with her current doctor, maybe switch to a woman?

Finally, I would look into getting her a therapist to talk through strategies when she is upset. It doesn’t have to be a situation where she is in therapy forever. Similarly, I highly recommend getting parenting coaching for you to figure out how to cope.

Good luck- it sounds like a tough situation for everyone.

This! My teen daughter has an endocrine/metabolic/gynecological issue that the treatment for is low-dose birth control. My mindset...Thank goodness there is an available solution! If hormones are out of whack causing an issue, then balancing them back is the solution and that has to be done with hormones!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why are there such monsters as OP?

No wonder kids who grow up with untreated medical and/or psychiatric issues and whose parents punish them for it, then become messed-up adults...

The level of cruelty you're unleashing on your child is unbelievable, OP. You're torturing her.

I agree. I really do hope OP is a troll. That poor kid.

[Anonymous]

The fact that sending her away is a less extreme option than putting her on birth control pills reads troll to me.

[Anonymous]

This child clearly needs medical care but I hate the insistence on BCP straight away by everyone.

This is exactly how girls end up on BC from young age until they try to conceive and only then do they discover the root cause of their issues they’ve had all along.

OP I agree with everyone’s advice to get good doctors involved and keep pushing and pushing. Your daughter needs you to be the one to advocate for her right now. Find the best specialists and push to get her in.

I also think BC is a bandaid, not a cure, and long term use can impact all kinds of things and can contribute to thyroid issues, etc so I would never stop there and call it a day. If a doctor recommends bc I would be asking what else is in their plan to address root cause. If nothing, then I would see a new doc.

[Anonymous]

Your pediatrician can prescribe PMS medications that can help. My teen had nausea and mood swings.

Make an appointment with your pediatrician and say she has terrible mood swings during PMS. The lying might be on another level, that would worry me in a different way. I wouldn't even dream of sending my kid away.

[Anonymous]

Op back.

Okay, I spoke the gyn.

They will not see her until we try this:

Max amount of Advil/Motrin from the second she starts her period (NOT when pain starts).

I didn't understand all the medical language the gyn used but basically Advil DOES stop the hormones somehow.

When I said that pediatrician didn't explain this AT ALL (told us to use Advil *for* pain), Gyn said Ped wouldn't know.

She still has therapist appt on Tuesday because that can't hurt (Gyn agreed).

And even Gyn said NOT to use BCP as "answer". It's sick to put girls on hormones/meds like that -- no one would do that to a boy.

And f anyone who just dismisses me as a "poor parent". What a load of BS. I'm the one who's been dealing with the violence as a victim for the past 18 months, who has done everything in her power. I didn't just drop her off at a fire department or punish her. Stop with the mom blaming. It's such a sick part of society. No one would blame the dad who just walks away, goes to the office, and leaves me with this insanity.