13 year old is CRAZY when PMSing and we cannot handle -- what do we do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to talk to her doctor and very likely put her on BCP, which would calm the symptoms and - more importantly - give everyone a clear schedule.

So the only solution for women is hormones? That seems wrong to me.

I really don't believe in putting chemicals in her body on a long term process.

If you are saying 3 months would regulate her, I'd agree. But if it'll take longer, I'm not interested. I'd rather send her to boarding school or homeschool her first and see if those help.

For a once per month problem? OP that sounds like overkill. Are you going to make a doctor appointment?

[Anonymous]

OP, the things you describe as the "bad" in your kid are also symptoms of ADHD and anxiety. Please, please listen to the folks on this thread - your daughter is having a medical/mental crisis and you are only willing to consider punitive behavioral options.

[Anonymous]

And Jesus Christ, the fact that you'd rather send your kid to boarding school than get her MEDICATION THAT WOULD HELP HER FEEL BETTER is really the icing on the cake.

[Anonymous]

Would you PLEASE take her to a female doctor? Preferably one that handles teens? If you are in the DMV, Dr. Hawkins at Georgetown is fantastic.

If it starts two days after her period begins, this could be easily treated with a few days of Prozac.

[Anonymous]

CHANGE DOCTOR IF YOUR DOCTOR DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR CHILD'S PAIN!!!

Are you not aware that women and girls' pain and gynecological issues are routinely downplayed and minimized by doctors? My husband is a doctor, and he's aware as long as the patient can factually describe the symptoms, but you need to insist, and if needed, change doctors. Some of them are completely crap and not worth the ink on their diploma.

Parents like become complicit in the neglect of their children's symptoms when they believe the medical expert over their own child.

Get your child to an excellent female OB-GYN and insist they run every exam possible.

Your daughter will probably need to go on a contraceptive pill in the end. If this is what it takes to alleviate what sounds like HELL every month, then it's a small price to pay. My friend's DD had such heavy periods she needed a blood transfusion, and she had to go on the pill to regulate her periods. I wish that had been a possible option for myself when I was a teen and became anemic due to heavy periods!

It's neglectful and abusive of you, OP, to ignore obvious medical possibilities and reflexively jump on solutions that would make your poor child's life even worse. Imagine being sent to a place she doesn't know, with people who might not be kind to her, AND still be unbearable pain multiple days a month: I mean, do you hate your child?!?!?

[Anonymous]

OP have you ever considered that maybe, since you haven’t been to medical school, and since your daughter’s symptoms are disrupting her life, that you should consult one or two doctors rather than go with your own general feelings, anecdotal evidence and brief googling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Poor doesn't even scratch the surface. You are at a minimum neglectful, bordering on abusive.

Your daughter has a medical condition, and you have not told the doctor about it? And instead of getting her the treatment she needs, you are going to send her to her abusive parent, that was terrible for you but may be good for her?

[Anonymous]

Why are there such monsters as OP?

No wonder kids who grow up with untreated medical and/or psychiatric issues and whose parents punish them for it, then become messed-up adults...

The level of cruelty you're unleashing on your child is unbelievable, OP. You're torturing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back -- one important addition.

It's NOT actual PMS -- it ALL starts about 2 days AFTER her period. Does that change anything???

The first day of her period is very light and she never knows it's coming. The second day is extremely painful and she goes crazy.

The crazy lasts for about 5 hours and then she seems to fall asleep and wake up feeling better/normal.

Is this still possible PMDD -- I've now read about it -- thank you! And yes, that's what she has but it's PostMDD.

Of course! Given that new information, you definitely should send her to your abusive ex military father to live.

[headdesk]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back.

Thanks for the advice. No, I haven't mentioned it to the doctor except that she gets extremely bad cramps (that keep her up all night for days) and he said to just give her Advil. He didn't seem to think it was abnormal -- he said some girls get worse cramps and that's normal. It honestly never occurred to me that she's having something physical besides her period because she's "normal" the other days in a month. It only happens one or two days.

And I know it must seem extremely irrational to want to send her away but she kicks, bites, screams, pinches, throws stuff, breaks stuff, etc. We're all being abused by her once a month. At some point, it seems like I should put my foot down but maybe I'm wrong.

It's definitely not ASD, ADHD -- that's not a once a month issue that has been going on for only 18 months of her life. It's clearly from hey period and I thought the first year would be bad but it would get better but it seems to be getting worse (or my tolerance).

So what do I ask the doctor to check for? I can tell you that her doctor is not going to check for anything unless I ask him specifically to run a specific test.

I cannot put her on a once a month prozac because her period is not consistent and I don't want to put her on a hormonal pill at age 13. Plus, she is not going to remember it every day and it's going to be another battle in our lives -- she already complains about taking vitamins. This is a very determined child in the good (A+ student, star athlete, lots of friends, teachers favorite) and bad (never does chores, room is always a mess, never helps out, backtalks parents constantly, hits siblings) ways.

You need a new doctor.

[Anonymous]

Please take her to an adolescent gynecologist at CNMC. Go through alllllll the symptoms.

Your daughter needs medical help, not discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a horrible parent OP. All your options are either send her AWAY or find ways to make YOUR life easier AWAY from her?

Why not address the issue? Have you taken her to see a Gynecologists or a therapist, or her pediatrician?

Have you read any books on PMS or dealing with teens?

Very poor parenting on your part.

We have other kids. She's a wreck on all of them. Sending her to her grandparents or sending her to an expensive boarding school is not sending her "away". It's the normal thing in many countries.

And yes my dad was awful for me but I actually think he may be good for her. I would never have hit, punched, kicked, bit my parents -- it's not normal. I would have been scared to death. She abuses us.

I'm not sure I'm a poor parent. It's really hard to judge unless you are in my situation.

Hey OP, you are a very poor parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And Jesus Christ, the fact that you'd rather send your kid to boarding school than get her MEDICATION THAT WOULD HELP HER FEEL BETTER is really the icing on the cake.

But PP, she might gain weight on the meds! The horror.

[Anonymous]

1. Go to a doctor / ob gyn
2. Go to a psychiatrist

I was in so much pain during my period I had to be on prescription painkillers for a while until I learned how to deal.woth it. And, it turns out, I ended up having endometriosis.

[Anonymous]

On second thought, it might be better to send her away to your parents, because you obviously don't want to deal with her any more and she may realize that.