I want 19 year old daughter out of house, but she can't support herself - what to do?

[Anonymous]

At some point you just have to cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you despise her. That can't be helping her self esteem or motivation.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to go easy on her. How do you her struggles are due to laziness rather than lack of natural intelligence? Not everyone is blessed with academically-strong brains.

[Anonymous]

If this were me, I think I would let school go for a bit. Just don't press that piece. Encourage her to take a break and spend some time thinking about what she really wants to do with her life - and then she can go back in a year, 5 years, whatever, when she will actually be committed. And she can get a full-time job doing something she is interested in (gardening? reading? restaurant? office admin?)... and eventually will likely move out. But it seems like the issue you are having is your need to control a situation that is clearly not working for her (school). Instead of trying to change her, why don't you change the situation?

[Anonymous]

The big question. What does she want to do? Now, when spring semester starts, a year from now. Or what would she rather be doing? Is she on academic probation? Is there a disability office on campus? Mental health services? C’s get degrees and with support, it’s possible.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you look for schools for her to transfer to, if she still can, that have ADHD services? This is my plan for my inattentive ADD DC. No way can I see him getting through school successfully without help.

[Anonymous]

I have a 19yo son with poor college performance. He’s got ADHD and on a lot of antipsychotics. Can’t take ADHD meds at all.

He is applying to 10 jobs a day and should be hired shortly! ADHD can make it hard for him to search and locate jobs. I just send him lists of possible items he’s interested in, then he applies. He may need to do PT before stepping up to FT work. Community college planning just overwhelmed him.

You may need to help your daughter structure he work search efforts.

[Anonymous]

Drive her around to the military recruiters. Have her meet with each one (even if she is not interested.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she afford college when she was "away"?

We paid for it?

So why would that change now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my son take 2 classes at a time and work until he got the hang of it.

He’s also working with a therapist for executive functioning, etc.

I think your kind of giving up at the goal line.

Which goal line ? There are two.

You don’t just give up at 19 when your clearly planned to support her for 4 years of college. Just because it didn’t work out exactly as planned doesn’t mean you give up

[Anonymous]

It must be frustrating for you but these are the years when young adults need support the most. Let her talk to some wise adults both you and her respect. You all may not find instant fix but will find paths to productive solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was exactly like OP's DD. She got C's and D's in high school and was not motivated. My brother sent her to Siberia to live with relatives for one year. When she came back to the US, she became a very good student, ended up at UVA, graduated and had a very good job. It is amazing what living in Siberia's harsh condition can do to your psyche.

Wow, what a helpful response! OP - have you tried sending your daughter to live with relatives in Siberia?

Np but clearly this poster is saying the kid needs some tough love and consequences. My child is similar and i (somewhat) agree. It’s a fine line between acknowledging ADHD and using it as an excuse. It’s not realistic to pay for ten years of college with an executive function coach in order to get a kid through college. Not financially and not what is the kid going to do when they get out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my son take 2 classes at a time and work until he got the hang of it.

He’s also working with a therapist for executive functioning, etc.

I think your kind of giving up at the goal line.

Which goal line ? There are two.

You don’t just give up at 19 when you’re clearly planned to support her for 4 years of college. Just because it didn’t work out exactly as planned doesn’t mean you give up

Sounds like the OP has done college and a 2nd plan. At what point do you give up on college? 4 years because that’s what you committed to? What is failing four years of college going to accomplish? Time to find a new plan and pivot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was exactly like OP's DD. She got C's and D's in high school and was not motivated. My brother sent her to Siberia to live with relatives for one year. When she came back to the US, she became a very good student, ended up at UVA, graduated and had a very good job. It is amazing what living in Siberia's harsh condition can do to your psyche.

Wow, what a helpful response! OP - have you tried sending your daughter to live with relatives in Siberia?

Maybe something like Peace Corp would be good for your child OP. Give them some time to mature and see less fortunate people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you look for schools for her to transfer to, if she still can, that have ADHD services? This is my plan for my inattentive ADD DC. No way can I see him getting through school successfully without help.

What schools provide services that closely monitor ADHD kids?