What do judges care about when deciding custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

Nope. Don’t watch kids during his fifty fifty time unless there is an adjustment in child support for doing so.

I am the poster who posted the long post just above, and this is exactly what the judge will tell you if you present the case as you've presented it in this thread. If you say "But he's going to call me to take the kids when he has to work," the judge will just turn to him and say "You cannot do that, you are responsible for securing childcare during your custodial days, do you understand?" And as long as your X says "yes" the judge will default to 50/50 custody without further evidence. At most, the judge will warn him and say "if I wind up back here in a few months hearing evidence that you've been contacting your X for childcare regularly, I will amend the agreement."

Most family court judges want people to work out these differences themselves. They get annoyed when people come in and just use it as a chance to dump on the other party and take no responsibility for themselves. The judge will set an expectation that you and your X should be able to work out a 50/50 arrangement without it descending into chaos because most parents should be able to do that.

I agree most parents are able to do that. However that just isn’t possible in this case. The other parent has a track record of not communicating, even when it comes to important information that is required to be communicated. They also do things out of spite, which I know a judge won’t care about, however there is documented evidence of this parent not following through with the temporary order.

You can show all that to the judge and hope for a better outcome. It might work.

I know it's stressful to be parenting with someone who is difficult and unreliable. But I think it would benefit you to re-frame this as not just your Ex's right to have time with your children, but also *their* right to have a significant amount of time with their father. It's a different kind of parenting relationship when someone doesn't have 50/50 or close to it.

I’ve unfortunately tried to get him to spend more time with the kids repeatedly (all documented), and he just simply doesn’t do it. He has excuse after excuse as to why he can’t see them more right now and for the entirety of the time we’ve been separated. This is why it makes no sense to me that he is insisting on nothing less than 50/50 physical custody.

NP - sounds to me like it's a matter of paying child support or not getting child support, whichever is applicable to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

They don’t care if your spouse abused you, even if an officer testified that they witnessed threats and damage to property. They only care if your spouse abused the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t care if your spouse abused you, even if an officer testified that they witnessed threats and damage to property. They only care if your spouse abused the kids.

This is true.

[Anonymous]

OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

I’m not a mental health professional, so I’m not going to attempt to diagnose the other parent, however there are mental health issues involved so a psych evaluation will need to be ordered (I understand I’d have to take one too). But you’re right, I never mentioned it originally.

[Anonymous]

Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

For the record before comments start flowing - I’m a woman. I do not have a preference for men or women in family court, I have a preference for parents who are clearly and unequivocally putting the child’s best interests ahead of their own stuff. Most parents, of any gender, just don’t. Fire away, I just call it as I’ve seen it over many years of seeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

My attorney has all the facts, which I have chosen not to share to remain somewhat anonymous. Since I don’t think it’s a good idea to reveal those specifics, I understand why you took your position. My attorney believes the odds are in my favor based on facts alone, but of course judges can do as they see fit so I was wanting to get input from what others have heard from their judges.

You stated judges favor 50/50 - do you mean legal, joint, or both? My attorney explained to me that DC doesn’t have a 50/50 physical preference like in other states.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

My attorney has all the facts, which I have chosen not to share to remain somewhat anonymous. Since I don’t think it’s a good idea to reveal those specifics, I understand why you took your position. My attorney believes the odds are in my favor based on facts alone, but of course judges can do as they see fit so I was wanting to get input from what others have heard from their judges.

You stated judges favor 50/50 - do you mean legal, joint, or both? My attorney explained to me that DC doesn’t have a 50/50 physical preference like in other states.

* I meant legal or physical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

NP and your attorney either isn't very good or you are not listening to them. Child care expenses are in addition to the child support obligation and are split pro rata by income per subsection (k) of the DC Child Support Guidelines. If he has $1K of child care expenses and you make 80% of the income you would be paying $800 of the childcare expenses less a pro rata share of the child care expenses you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

NP and your attorney either isn't very good or you are not listening to them. Child care expenses are in addition to the child support obligation and are split pro rata by income per subsection (k) of the DC Child Support Guidelines. If he has $1K of child care expenses and you make 80% of the income you would be paying $800 of the childcare expenses less a pro rata share of the child care expenses you have.

I already pay for all childcare expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

NP and your attorney either isn't very good or you are not listening to them. Child care expenses are in addition to the child support obligation and are split pro rata by income per subsection (k) of the DC Child Support Guidelines. If he has $1K of child care expenses and you make 80% of the income you would be paying $800 of the childcare expenses less a pro rata share of the child care expenses you have.

I already pay for all childcare expenses.

Right but you're saying he can't afford the child care expense he would have to incur and presumably is not yet incurring. That may not be true as his portion of those expenses will likely be very small. This is especially true if you are currently paying all child care expenses but will still owe him some amount of CS in a 50/50 situation. The math here suggests that you earn substantially more than he does and will have to pay for most of his employment-related child care costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

NP and your attorney either isn't very good or you are not listening to them. Child care expenses are in addition to the child support obligation and are split pro rata by income per subsection (k) of the DC Child Support Guidelines. If he has $1K of child care expenses and you make 80% of the income you would be paying $800 of the childcare expenses less a pro rata share of the child care expenses you have.

I already pay for all childcare expenses.

Right but you're saying he can't afford the child care expense he would have to incur and presumably is not yet incurring. That may not be true as his portion of those expenses will likely be very small. This is especially true if you are currently paying all child care expenses but will still owe him some amount of CS in a 50/50 situation. The math here suggests that you earn substantially more than he does and will have to pay for most of his employment-related child care costs.

The childcare people are referring to is if the kids can’t go to school and he’s unable to take a day off of work. This isn’t something that can necessarily be planned for. The children have routine childcare covered for the entire month, and since I am currently the primary custodial parent, I care for them on the days they don’t have school. How does child support even factor in hypothetical scenarios?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

Did you miss the part where he’s not taking his time under the temporary agreement?