What do judges care about when deciding custody?

[Anonymous]

Logistically and in terms of what works for the kids, , a 50/50 physical custody schedule doesn’t make sense for my family, but my ex keeps insisting on nothing less. I have a lot of evidence gathered for trial, however I’m trying to decide what will be most important to highlight. In your experience in DC, what do judges care about when deciding physical custody arrangements? I know all about the child custody factors, just hoping to gain some insight on what has played out in court. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately a lot of decisions come down to which judge you get, whether they like you, and what they ate for breakfast that day. It’s impossible to create your ideal outcome, though you can hope.

[Anonymous]

They care about safety. They care about "fairness" as they see it. They care about school. They care about kids' medical needs if they have serious medical issues.

They do NOT care about your convenience, drive times, casual kid activities, and anyone's job. "Doesn't make sense" in your opinion isn't going to really counterbalance the idea that you are both equal parents and deserve equal time unless there's a really compelling reason.

[Anonymous]

A judge will think that either of you is capable of finding a different place to live if needed. That kids can change schools and activities. That lots of people have long commutes and you can too.

Divorce is a major hit to quality of life and a logistical struggle. Judges are accustomed to that and think it's normal. You should too.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

The judge will care if the other parent cannot actually do 50%. But it's better not to call it "logistics" when it's really unreliability the inability to do what is proposed. Logistics would be like you living closer to their school or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

The judge will care if the other parent cannot actually do 50%. But it's better not to call it "logistics" when it's really unreliability the inability to do what is proposed. Logistics would be like you living closer to their school or something.

Thank you! That is helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

The judge will care if the other parent cannot actually do 50%. But it's better not to call it "logistics" when it's really unreliability the inability to do what is proposed. Logistics would be like you living closer to their school or something.

This ^^ focus on their inability to actually cover the hours. If you have documented evidence of them saying they plan to dump the kids on you, be sure to submit that. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

Ex doesn’t have the ability to pay for childcare, hence needing to use me.

[Anonymous]

I got 80% custody because I had been the primary caregiver while my ex travelled 80 nights a year for a decade. He’s also a drunk.

Based on what you’ve written it’s not enough to deny 50/50.

What kind of work do you do that you can provide endless childcare at all hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

To clarify: I actually work more. My ex can’t afford to take time off work or at least hasn’t had a track record of wanting to care for the kids during the week, which is why thus far I’ve had primary physical custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

But maybe OP's X will decide to get aftercare/nanny if it's the difference between getting 50% custody vs less time. If OP goes along with the current plan, OP gets more time with the kids (which many people, including me, would want) but not be compensated through increased child support. If other parent says, fine, I'll get childcare, then OP will not get the additional time with the kids. I'm just pointing out a risk in making the argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

Ex doesn’t have the ability to pay for childcare, hence needing to use me.

Or get child support from you so they can pay for childcare....