What do judges care about when deciding custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't claiming abuse or mental health issues so posters pushing their agenda need to stop. It's impossible to guess what a judge will do but it sounds like OP wants custody so she doesn't have to pay child support. Why can't you keep the kids till 6 PM or when ever he gets off of work or pay child support so he can pay for child care on his days?

The child support I would have to pay is very minimal, and wouldn’t be enough to cover childcare. The reason I don’t want 50/50 physical is because the kids aren’t well taken care of by the other parent, don’t have any routine while there (for a variety of reasons, such as health issues, lack of stability, etc.), and they have trouble at school after their visitation time. The lack of communication also makes things extremely difficult whenever there is a transition.

NP and your attorney either isn't very good or you are not listening to them. Child care expenses are in addition to the child support obligation and are split pro rata by income per subsection (k) of the DC Child Support Guidelines. If he has $1K of child care expenses and you make 80% of the income you would be paying $800 of the childcare expenses less a pro rata share of the child care expenses you have.

I already pay for all childcare expenses.

Right but you're saying he can't afford the child care expense he would have to incur and presumably is not yet incurring. That may not be true as his portion of those expenses will likely be very small. This is especially true if you are currently paying all child care expenses but will still owe him some amount of CS in a 50/50 situation. The math here suggests that you earn substantially more than he does and will have to pay for most of his employment-related child care costs.

The childcare people are referring to is if the kids can’t go to school and he’s unable to take a day off of work. This isn’t something that can necessarily be planned for. The children have routine childcare covered for the entire month, and since I am currently the primary custodial parent, I care for them on the days they don’t have school. How does child support even factor in hypothetical scenarios?

It's right there in subsection (k):

"If there is no actual family experience, or if the actual family experience is not in the best interest of the child, the judicial officer shall determine a reasonable child care expense based on the cost of child care from a licensed source."

The court can either (i) add up all the school holidays that are during his time that he can't take off for an figure out an amount of (ii) he can put them on a credit card and after a few months modify the CS to average out the child care expenses using past experience.

[Anonymous]

Np here. Here’s the f*cked up thing about the family court system - you can’t count on it to do the right thing for your kids. Judges are human, they see a few hours of evidence (and people lie), and then make a decision you have to live with for years.

DH’s experience with the family court system was that it rewarded his ex, who lied and exaggerated. Looking back, it was naive to think that te judge would be able to understand the family dynamics in a couple of hours (samdwiched in between numerous other cases that judge is also following) and make a good decision for the child.

Judges do blame the parents that they couldn’t work it out themselves and are in court - DH’s judge just flat came out and said that. DH’s attorney told him the only cases which go to trial over custody have at least one parent who is unreasonable/awful, since reasonable people do work it out. You have to ask yourself (because judges probably think the same thing): are you the unreasonable/awful parent?

Try to find a way to work out a compromise with your ex, even if it’s something you don’t love - you could get something really shitty from the judge, and after a trial your ex won’t want to work with you to modify it, whereas you can revisit something your compromised on every couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Here’s the f*cked up thing about the family court system - you can’t count on it to do the right thing for your kids. Judges are human, they see a few hours of evidence (and people lie), and then make a decision you have to live with for years.

DH’s experience with the family court system was that it rewarded his ex, who lied and exaggerated. Looking back, it was naive to think that te judge would be able to understand the family dynamics in a couple of hours (samdwiched in between numerous other cases that judge is also following) and make a good decision for the child.

Judges do blame the parents that they couldn’t work it out themselves and are in court - DH’s judge just flat came out and said that. DH’s attorney told him the only cases which go to trial over custody have at least one parent who is unreasonable/awful, since reasonable people do work it out. You have to ask yourself (because judges probably think the same thing): are you the unreasonable/awful parent?

Try to find a way to work out a compromise with your ex, even if it’s something you don’t love - you could get something really shitty from the judge, and after a trial your ex won’t want to work with you to modify it, whereas you can revisit something your compromised on every couple of years.

You'll be lucky if you get a few hours. More likely closer to an hour.

Agree on most of the rest though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

Did you miss the part where he’s not taking his time under the temporary agreement?

It sounds like you are making it very difficult for him. If you are paying for child care, he can use that child care. But you are the child care, which is why it's hard on him if he cannot afford it and you aren't paying child support as you should.

[Anonymous]

If he has murdered someone or in jail, you'll have more than 50%. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

Did you miss the part where he’s not taking his time under the temporary agreement?

It sounds like you are making it very difficult for him. If you are paying for child care, he can use that child care. But you are the child care, which is why it's hard on him if he cannot afford it and you aren't paying child support as you should.

I’m having trouble following this comment. I don’t pay child support because I’m not supposed to since I am the primary custodial parent. I do pay for childcare that is available to both of us, it just doesn’t cover school hours since they are school age kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Logistically and in terms of what works for the kids, , a 50/50 physical custody schedule doesn’t make sense for my family, but my ex keeps insisting on nothing less. I have a lot of evidence gathered for trial, however I’m trying to decide what will be most important to highlight. In your experience in DC, what do judges care about when deciding physical custody arrangements? I know all about the child custody factors, just hoping to gain some insight on what has played out in court. Thanks!

If they want 50/50 and have no recent felony convictions (and maybe even then, depending on what they’re for), they will get 50/50. It’s not 1995 anymore. Plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

Ex doesn’t have the ability to pay for childcare, hence needing to use me.

Or get child support from you so they can pay for childcare....

Would a judge actually go for an arrangement in which one parent has to pay for child support to the other in order for them to get childcare, when the parent paying has the ability to care for the kids?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'll start by saying I am not local to you, and in my state 50/50 is presumed. That being said-the fact that the ex is not taking 50% parenting time right now on the temp order, could be a factor. Maybe the judge will go with the defacto that is happening now.

What about ROFR? (right of first refusal). I have this in my order, for anything over 4 hrs-basically I did that so that, if either parent is off work and the other is working (and dc is off school) the parent can have the child, rather than childcare. Ex. say it's my parenting time on Sat, I'm working but ex is off, he can keep dc while I'm at work if he chooses, if not I arrange childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The logistical aspect is related to the fact that the other parent doesn’t have work flexibility with hours, whereas I do and can watch the kids whenever necessary. The other parent said they would simply ask me to watch the kids if they can’t do so during their parenting time.

There’s a lot of other evidence I’ve gathered that is unrelated to this that shows a pattern of inconsistency on the part of the other parent as well.

2 things - First, one issue with custody being dependent on job flexibility is that the job or the flexibility can change, and then custody can easily be modified.
Two, it is fine to have childcare during your parenting time; in fact, that is what most of America does. In your case if I were the other parent I would argue that I'll get childcare during my work hours if needed. This would deprive you of the opportunity to have the kids while the other parent is working. It is not the case that parents who work little have preference in custody arrangements solely because of that.

But OP’s X doesn’t want to hire a nanny. He plans to just dump the kids on her without adjusting child support to reflect the fact she’s actually doing the minding.

Ex doesn’t have the ability to pay for childcare, hence needing to use me.

Or get child support from you so they can pay for childcare....

Would a judge actually go for an arrangement in which one parent has to pay for child support to the other in order for them to get childcare, when the parent paying has the ability to care for the kids?

Yes.

In this scenario, they need ROFR right of first refusal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

Did you miss the part where he’s not taking his time under the temporary agreement?

It sounds like you are making it very difficult for him. If you are paying for child care, he can use that child care. But you are the child care, which is why it's hard on him if he cannot afford it and you aren't paying child support as you should.

I’m having trouble following this comment. I don’t pay child support because I’m not supposed to since I am the primary custodial parent. I do pay for childcare that is available to both of us, it just doesn’t cover school hours since they are school age kids.

I am a woman, the primary custodial parent (80%} and I pay child support. I have more and earn more and am the better parent. What’s objectionable
About that? I’m proud of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Logistically and in terms of what works for the kids, , a 50/50 physical custody schedule doesn’t make sense for my family, but my ex keeps insisting on nothing less. I have a lot of evidence gathered for trial, however I’m trying to decide what will be most important to highlight. In your experience in DC, what do judges care about when deciding physical custody arrangements? I know all about the child custody factors, just hoping to gain some insight on what has played out in court. Thanks!

If they want 50/50 and have no recent felony convictions (and maybe even then, depending on what they’re for), they will get 50/50. It’s not 1995 anymore. Plan accordingly.

This was not true in my case. His work travel and my being primary parent for 13 years got him 30% me 70%. Less
Disruptive to the kids. He’s got every other weekend during school and 50/50 for two months jn summer. No arrests or convictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Logistically and in terms of what works for the kids, , a 50/50 physical custody schedule doesn’t make sense for my family, but my ex keeps insisting on nothing less. I have a lot of evidence gathered for trial, however I’m trying to decide what will be most important to highlight. In your experience in DC, what do judges care about when deciding physical custody arrangements? I know all about the child custody factors, just hoping to gain some insight on what has played out in court. Thanks!

If they want 50/50 and have no recent felony convictions (and maybe even then, depending on what they’re for), they will get 50/50. It’s not 1995 anymore. Plan accordingly.

This was not true in my case. His work travel and my being primary parent for 13 years got him 30% me 70%. Less
Disruptive to the kids. He’s got every other weekend during school and 50/50 for two months jn summer. No arrests or convictions.

Did you have to go to trial to get this or did he agree to it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Logistically and in terms of what works for the kids, , a 50/50 physical custody schedule doesn’t make sense for my family, but my ex keeps insisting on nothing less. I have a lot of evidence gathered for trial, however I’m trying to decide what will be most important to highlight. In your experience in DC, what do judges care about when deciding physical custody arrangements? I know all about the child custody factors, just hoping to gain some insight on what has played out in court. Thanks!

If they want 50/50 and have no recent felony convictions (and maybe even then, depending on what they’re for), they will get 50/50. It’s not 1995 anymore. Plan accordingly.

This was not true in my case. His work travel and my being primary parent for 13 years got him 30% me 70%. Less
Disruptive to the kids. He’s got every other weekend during school and 50/50 for two months jn summer. No arrests or convictions.

Thank you for sharing! There’s a big misconception about what actually happens in DC courts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former family law attorney here have seen so many cases - not in DC, but judges are trained nationally on universal standards regarding expectations of child custody in family courts.

The default will always be to a 50/50 custody arrangement unless the parents don’t want it and those cases usually don’t get to trial. The ones that do because as in your case you don’t want it despite lacking good evidence establishing a case against it will get decided by the judge and will usually go 50/50 absent significant evidence of a negative effect on the kids from being 50% of the time with the parent arguing parent argues shouldn’t have them 50% of the time.

You aren’t articulating anything to justify denial of shared custody to your husband. You don’t like how he does things etc. but nothing you have said establishes a case against shared custody. I hope your attorney has given you and honest assessment that you are unlikely to prevail so you won’t be disappointed when you lose and 50/50 is awarded. Judges typically take the attitude that kids are resilient, they’ll roll with the punches of two different parents with different parenting styles and if the parents really cared to make things easier for the kids, they would. Sadly what most judges see day in day out is inflexible angry adults using family court to perpetuate abuse that they don’t get a chance to do in person anymore because they’ve left the spouse they once loved enough to reproduce with and the kids and coparenting is the avenue open to continue the dysfunctional relationship with the former spouse. If you want to curry favor with the judge, don’t let him see your contempt for the man you chose to get impregnated by - that’s good free legal advice whether you take it or not.

Start keeping a custody journal - one at home with all the details as you perceive them, and one that travels with the kids back and forth with custody exchange - this is a place to exchange info on all the little details of child care and child activities and school stuff etc. so nobody drops any balls. Notes should be factual and as friendly as possible, this is not a place for passive aggressive swipes at former partner because if you go before the judge in a contested hearing again, s/he’ll be reading it all and they can see hostility that you might think you’re hiding from the world.

I got out of family law because I felt so badly for the kids. I hope yours get through this okay.

Did you miss the part where he’s not taking his time under the temporary agreement?

It sounds like you are making it very difficult for him. If you are paying for child care, he can use that child care. But you are the child care, which is why it's hard on him if he cannot afford it and you aren't paying child support as you should.

I’m having trouble following this comment. I don’t pay child support because I’m not supposed to since I am the primary custodial parent. I do pay for childcare that is available to both of us, it just doesn’t cover school hours since they are school age kids.

I am a woman, the primary custodial parent (80%} and I pay child support. I have more and earn more and am the better parent. What’s objectionable
About that? I’m proud of it.

Your situation is unrelated to mine. I am owed child support.