Parents: please let your adult children live with you as long as they want to.

[Anonymous]

I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you save or use the money you earned to pay for graduate school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you save or use the money you earned to pay for graduate school?

That's what I'm wondering. My nieces and nephews that lived at home used the savings to pay for their masters' degrees that they earned in the evenings while they worked.

But really this is not that strange in the course of American history. It used to be very common for one adult child (at least) to remain in the parent's home in order to help with expenses and other household burdens, often until the parents died. One difference is that those adult children were typically contributing financially. I guess I'd be okay if my kids were living with me in their 20s if they were using the money for something worthwhile like further education, or doing a useful internship. I wouldnt want them to live with me and not pay rent if they were just spending the money on bars and fast food and clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mine is 30. she told me that she is coming to live with me if she gets laid off on wednesday. yippee!

If she gets laid off? Well, I daren't get my hopes up.

i don't think it is likely that she gets laid off, but the company is letting go of 10% on wednesday and not just low performers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son will turn 29 in one month. Still living here with us. Your short lived record.

+1. Mine is 30, finishing his PhD and saving most of his earnings. He will move out after graduation with a nice nest egg.

So $300, $400?

[Anonymous]

Did it. Didn't work out. They wanted their flavors of the week to stay too. We don't run a flop house. We don't supply maid service either. Maybe if one or more exchanged stay for some work but every girl either didn't know how to do housework, didn't cook, didn't understand how to operate a washer and dryer. And my things are NOT for you to use without asking.
Had to put a stop to the freeloading. And there is only 1 Queen in this crib. What did they think the tiara I was wearing was for ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

Like I said, I didn't want to live with my parents. It's just that me understanding how important it was to be self-supporting enough. My prospective employers had to value it too, and it didn't seem like most of them die. They didn't seem to understand how the wheel of life was supposed to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

Like I said, I didn't want to live with my parents. It's just that me understanding how important it was to be self-supporting enough. My prospective employers had to value it too, and it didn't seem like most of them die. They didn't seem to understand how the wheel of life was supposed to work.

There are very, very few jobs of any collar where I grew up, so living at home past the age of ~21 was not an option. I think that was a blessing in disguise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

I hope they cut you off as soon as you kick them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son will turn 29 in one month. Still living here with us. Your short lived record.

+1. Mine is 30, finishing his PhD and saving most of his earnings. He will move out after graduation with a nice nest egg.

So $300, $400?

Add two more zeros.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

I hope they cut you off as soon as you kick them out.

Really? My parents sent me away for college and I never moved back home accept over some winter breaks. I tell them all the time how grateful I am for everything they did for me, especially my expensive education. When we go out to dinner, we insist on buying. We host them over the holidays. We talk on the phone a couple times a week. My mom, sister and I take a girls' trip once a year, and I make it a point to meet up with my dad and do things he enjoys with him. These are the parents who "kicked me out" when I was 18. The ones I didn't feel entitled to mooch off of after I graduated college.

[Anonymous]

*except over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older millennial. I love my kids and plan to fully pay for their undergrad and buy them a car at 18. The buck stops there. No way are they living with me as adults. None of them have special needs. I moved out for college at 18 and only came home for Christmas breaks, lined up a job at graduation (because I chose a sensible major and did internships) and moved into an apartment. I expect the same of my kids and NFW I am going to create a dependent relationship between us after they graduate college. I personally view that as bad parenting, but this is just my opinion, passed down to me from my own parents. I respect that other cultures do it differently. I don't, however, respect adults who feel entitled to live with their parents.

I hope they cut you off as soon as you kick them out.

Really? My parents sent me away for college and I never moved back home accept over some winter breaks. I tell them all the time how grateful I am for everything they did for me, especially my expensive education. When we go out to dinner, we insist on buying. We host them over the holidays. We talk on the phone a couple times a week. My mom, sister and I take a girls' trip once a year, and I make it a point to meet up with my dad and do things he enjoys with him. These are the parents who "kicked me out" when I was 18. The ones I didn't feel entitled to mooch off of after I graduated college.

Like I've said repeatedly, I didn't want to mooch off my parents for as I did. But my prospective employers didn't seem to think my parents deserved a break from me as much as I did. You're lucky you got a stable job right out of college. I, on the other hand, repeatedly applied for such jobs, but because of my personality(which I don't have control over by the way) I was deemed no fun to work with.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess my last thread got deleted because it was considered a duplicate of this one. However, I though of a way that adult children could help make me less of a loser. They could wait until they're as much older than 37 to start taking care of their parents. Let me explain.

Right now, I'm 30, while my father is 58 and my mother is 60. Since 65 is usually the age at which one is no longer able to take care of oneself, my parents are probably going to need my care 7 years from now, when I'm 37. Since I stopped needing my parents' support 6 years later than most people, I think it only fair that I start giving my parents my support 6 years earlier than most people. In an attempt to achieve this goal, I've tried to convince my parents to stop working, reassuring them that I'll give them everything they need. But they won't hear of it. Of course, it's possible that they'll become incapable of caring for themselves before 65, but I daren't get my hopes up. The bottom line is that I'm probably going to start caring for my parents when I'm 37.

Obviously, though 22 is the average age for becoming independent, some are lucky enough to achieve this goal earlier, while others achieve it later. I ask you to wait until you are as much older than 37 to take care of your parents as you were younger than 28 when you became independent. For instance, if you became independent at 24, you should wait until you're 41 to start taking care of your parents. If you became independent at 20, you should wait until you're 45 to start taking care of your parents. I will keep you updated over these next 7 years and let you know if, god forbid, my parents seem like they'll still be able to take care of themselves when I'm 37, in which case, I'll need you to wait even longer. But hopefully that won't happen.

[Anonymous]

I would love if my DD wanted to live with us in some capacity for a long time. I adore her. I'd want some separation and privacy (separate apartment with separate entrance and not every meal together or having her reliant on us for social life) and I would expect her to contribute to the household (pay some kind of rent, though probably not market rent, do chores, etc.). But having her nearby, being in each others lives more than a lot of kids in their 20s are? I'd love that. I'm going to miss her so much.

She'll want to go though. She's very independent and always has been. She loves us but she wants to do her own thing, she has big plans. I love that about her. She's going to do great. But if she ever needed to come back, for any reason? Open arms.