Telling an older child about conception using donor egg

[Anonymous]

I am planning on yelling my twin girls when they get their period.

[Anonymous]

^^
telling not yelling!

[Anonymous]

DH and I decide to tell our boys when they are 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to feel bad about this. Just explain why you felt uncomfortable sharing it sooner. No shame in that. Besides, not everyone agrees that it is best to share this kind of information to young kids.

Well, every mental health professional agrees that it’s best to tell young children. But OP did her best and there’s no going back now, so onward! I agree with talking to a therapist. I do think you will have to address with your daughter why you didn’t tell her sooner, and you’ll want to be careful with that because you’re now telling her there is nothing to be ashamed of/sad about/negative about this, but you previously had some feelings that kept you from telling her. I’d think that piece through a bit before you talk to her. (I used donor egg, so I get it. It’s complicated.) Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I decide to tell our boys when they are 12.

This is a terrible idea. How old are they now? You should tell them ASAP.

[Anonymous]

We are not planning to tell our kids.

[Anonymous]

My child has known literally since birth. I made her a book to explain and I put it in the regular rotation of bedtime books.

She's pretty matter of fact about it, but had a lot of questions starting at 2-3, so yes they can begin processing that young - healthy processing that makes it just part of their story.

OP is doing the right thing finding a good way to tell as soon as possible, but I strongly encourage other parents to do it sooner. It doesn't have to require a therapist or a big conversation or god forbid your adult child coming to you after taking a DNA test to pass this information along.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 teens and have never told them. Not planning to.

[Anonymous]

It is disappointing to see those who are not telling their children. Be honest: is that in your child's best interest? Or are you not telling them because it's easier on YOU?

When they give their family medical histories at doctor's appointments, are you okay with them giving misinformation? This will take on increasing importance as they age.

Chances are they will eventually find out the truth. All it takes is a test on Ancestry, whether they do it or eventually have a child who does so. Or maybe they'll find out during a medical crisis. Then they will realize that you've mislead them their whole lives. It will upend them and cause trust issues. I know someone who had this experience. They've since connected with others who've had similar experiences.

People are entitled to know the truth about themselves. Ideally a child should grow up with this knowledge, shared in age appropriate ways. It should not be treated as a shameful secret.

[Anonymous]

P.S. I am PP and want to add that I didn't say the above to make OP feel bad. I know she wanted to tell her child and has probably done so by now. I said it after reading comments from other parents who say they will never tell their kids the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child has known literally since birth. I made her a book to explain and I put it in the regular rotation of bedtime books.

She's pretty matter of fact about it, but had a lot of questions starting at 2-3, so yes they can begin processing that young - healthy processing that makes it just part of their story.

OP is doing the right thing finding a good way to tell as soon as possible, but I strongly encourage other parents to do it sooner. It doesn't have to require a therapist or a big conversation or god forbid your adult child coming to you after taking a DNA test to pass this information along.

Wish there was a kids book you could just buy on this, and casually give it to DD to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is disappointing to see those who are not telling their children. Be honest: is that in your child's best interest? Or are you not telling them because it's easier on YOU?

When they give their family medical histories at doctor's appointments, are you okay with them giving misinformation? This will take on increasing importance as they age.

Chances are they will eventually find out the truth. All it takes is a test on Ancestry, whether they do it or eventually have a child who does so. Or maybe they'll find out during a medical crisis. Then they will realize that you've mislead them their whole lives. It will upend them and cause trust issues. I know someone who had this experience. They've since connected with others who've had similar experiences.

People are entitled to know the truth about themselves. Ideally a child should grow up with this knowledge, shared in age appropriate ways. It should not be treated as a shameful secret.

+1. They will find out and they will be horrified that they were not told the truth about their genetic history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning on yelling my twin girls when they get their period.

Why? What does their period have to do with it? That’s kind of weird. Not like they don’t know what sex is before that, right?