8 year old son has extreme attachment to grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is grandma using lines about how lonely and sad she will be once they are gone home.

OP here--I don't think so, but, she is by herself, but, very active and social and volunteers. I don't think that she encourages what happens, but, I think she is much more on the side of coddling and sort of babying him when he feels upset if that makes sense? Whereas we tell him it's okay to feel sad and miss our family and friends, and that if he needs to feel sad, he can maybe take some time to himself in his room and come re-engage vs. sobbing his way through dinner. He is the first grandkid on my side of the family, and so, he is the apple of her eye, and I think it is probably some combination of that, plus, undivided attention and fun times at grandma's house nonstop, plus being tired and out of routine, and maybe some back to school nerves. I think re-entry to routine, and rules, and expectations and not your grandmother who has endless energy and patience is part of the adjustment.

He is a great kid, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad that they are bonded, but, it was just such an intense meltdown yesterday (and it does typically happen when we leave visiting out of state family, but, seems to be the most pronounced when it comes to leaving my mom). He went up to his room and was just calling out for her over and over and almost hyperventilating. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that he was sad because we wouldn't see her for a year--I reminded him that we usually see her every few months, and there's always a next time, and it's just like our other family who lives out of state. I don't know. It was extreme. I'm sure he won't be doing this when he's 13, but, things can feel like a lot in the moment!

Is your DS on the spectrum? If not, I think it might be worth checking in with a doctor; not because you are bad parents or need parenting help, but maybe because he has undiagnosed issues. It is extreme for an 8 year old to hyperventilate and call out his grandma’s name repeatedly. He came home to his parents, not jail. That doesn’t show me sensitivity or empathy, but rather that something else is wrong. What that may be I can’t begin to guess.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? Is he perhaps aware of aging and death? I was like that at his age. 8 isn't too young to know that one day will be your last day seeing grandma. Has he seen any movies with grandparents dying? Any friends had this happen?

[Anonymous]

Weirdo

[Anonymous]

Seems bizarre. I could see crying and being sad for the initial 30 min after parting, but being hysterical, crying all day and wanting to FaceTime four hours seems extreme. I’d try to talk to your mom about what goes on over at her house. Seems beyond the realm of normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandma is giving him emotional support that is so clearly lacking at home. He is mourning his emotional freedoms and ability to express himself openly.

Dad (and maybe you) need to do better.

+1

[Anonymous]

DCUM is so weird.

There is nothing wrong with him, grandma or the parents. Sometimes people just connect, and being away from your favorite people is difficult. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

I had the same thoughts as some others he might be 1) overtired and/or having a hard time re-entering regular life or 2) worried she will die. My son is very worried about death (he’s a little younger than your son) and recently started worrying his grandparents, especially one who has had a more rapid decline in health recently. I would be on the lookout for those things and be very kind to him. If it keeps up for weeks that is not normal I would say.

[Anonymous]

Both my kids did this with their grandma and aunt after visits but they were slightly younger (between the ages of 5-7). They were usually fine within a day. My daughter cried for 3 days after the end of 1st grade because she loved her teacher so much and had such a strong positive impact on her. Both kids handle goodbyes fine now. They are both sensitive kids.

[Anonymous]

Some kids have a special bond with grandparents. It's a beautiful thing.

[Anonymous]

OP here--stumbled into the forum and was surprised to see this thread revived from a year ago!

Yes, our DS is a sensitive empath--that is perfectly fine with me. He is who he is, and we do not fault or discourage emotions, but, DCUM is gonna DCUM.

To address some of the recent feedback: My DH is very much not on the sensitive or empathic side, and it has taken a lot of conversations with him about parenting the kid you have and not the kid you were, yada yada yada. He has made some good strides in not being triggered by DS's crying or upset, and has been more comforting and compassionate if and when DS has been upset.

And, DS similarly has seemed to start growing out of these episodes a bit and has been on multiple other trips now where the return to regular programming has not resulted in big melt downs. Though I do agree with what others have suggested about contributing factors being that DS would be extra tired from unusual schedules and travel as well as getting the absolute undivided attention of grandma, and with DS being the oldest grandson in the fam, just being the apple of her eye and getting lots of enthusiastic yesses and fun activities all around with endless energy and patience.