8 year old son has extreme attachment to grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is not a normal reaction.

Talk to your pediatrician you need parenting help.

Being sensitive is not crying like that for leaving a grandparent.

LOL. Pediatrician are generally morons...you'd go to one for parenting advice?!

[Anonymous]

He sounds sweet and sensitive OP, it doesn't sound like a problem. As one of the other posters said, wait until about 5-6 years from now and he will learn not to show any emotions.

[Anonymous]

First, I will say that one of my ds was very attached to my mom. She is very sweet and can really play with kids. She is not close but not far ( about 3 hrs away). Anyway, he is now 20, she is 80, and they are still close.

He also had a hard time with transitions from breaks. So if a holiday weekend, snow day, winter break, Christmas break he would always start to be sad or weepy and if we had been with family one thing would be to say …” I miss grandma, or my cousins, etc.”

He still has a bit of melancholy to do this day but he is studying abroad at an excellent university, travels on his own, lots of friends, and call us ( and my mom) a lot!

One really sweet thing is if I or my dh could not go on trips ( he loves to travel) or college tours he would ask my mom😀

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old son does the same thing. We moved to a different state about 2 years ago and now when she visits or we visit her my son becomes super emotional and cries when she leaves. He repeats over and over again that he misses grandma. 1st make sure the grandma isn't making it worse. My Mom fed into the emotions by crying when leaving (she took us moving pretty hard). I had to ask her to controll her emotions for the sake of my Son. After that my Son was better sometimes, other times he is still emotional. Not sure what to do other than give him time. He usually is good the next day or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember bawling when my grandma left, at maybe around 7 or 8. I was a sensitive little kid, and I loved her very much. He sounds like a great kid.

OP here--he is a great kid! And we told him last night when things started up that it is okay to feel sad when people leave, and okay to miss people, but, that we need to work on controlling our emotions (ie not totally bawling hysterically and losing it if he thinks about her or face times with her). I'm on the more empathic end of the spectrum, but, this is a lot even to me, and my husband who is considerably less empathic and emotional is at an absolute loss and just gets extremely irritated.

You told a little kid to control his emotions at home with his family?

[Anonymous]

Grandma is giving him emotional support that is so clearly lacking at home. He is mourning his emotional freedoms and ability to express himself openly.

Dad (and maybe you) need to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember bawling when my grandma left, at maybe around 7 or 8. I was a sensitive little kid, and I loved her very much. He sounds like a great kid.

OP here--he is a great kid! And we told him last night when things started up that it is okay to feel sad when people leave, and okay to miss people, but, that we need to work on controlling our emotions (ie not totally bawling hysterically and losing it if he thinks about her or face times with her). I'm on the more empathic end of the spectrum, but, this is a lot even to me, and my husband who is considerably less empathic and emotional is at an absolute loss and just gets extremely irritated.

So you're .... teaching your son to NOT cry? You're teaching your son to shove his feelings down and not express them? Great parenting.

Agree. Bad call, op.

Maybe he likes grandma bevause she lets him show or discuss emotions and you guys are jerks

[Anonymous]

Fascinating thread. I am firmly in the pro-emotion camp and agree not to isolate a child in emotional distress and to pursue connection. BUT in the moment I get so exasperated with my highly sensitive DD. And DH is even worse.

I think that deep down I’m worried that the world will walk all over her and that I’m failing by not toughening her up. The truth is none of know the best way to improve resilience.

My experience lends me to believe that you can either have a highly emotional child who is deeply connected to you OR a steadier, less sensitive child who is less connected.

[Anonymous]

He has a deep emotional connection with grandma and he’d much rather be with her instead of his judgy douche of a father.

Makes sense to me!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a sweet and sensitive boy OP. Nothing wrong with him. Highly sensitive people can get very attached to "their people" and feel very deeply. Just comfort him and ask him why he feels so upset, and what you can do to make it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is not a normal reaction.

Talk to your pediatrician you need parenting help.

Being sensitive is not crying like that for leaving a grandparent.

Agreed. What a wimp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fascinating thread. I am firmly in the pro-emotion camp and agree not to isolate a child in emotional distress and to pursue connection. BUT in the moment I get so exasperated with my highly sensitive DD. And DH is even worse.

I think that deep down I’m worried that the world will walk all over her and that I’m failing by not toughening her up. The truth is none of know the best way to improve resilience.

My experience lends me to believe that you can either have a highly emotional child who is deeply connected to you OR a steadier, less sensitive child who is less connected.

I have a highly sensitive DS and I get this. My worry is that no one will get to see how wonderful he is, and that his sensitivity will keep him from doing things that will fulfill him. So while I don't want to discourage his emotions, I also try to teach him to control his emotions. I also hear drama classes are good at teaching them to put on a face and fake it when necessary.

[Anonymous]

It’s tiring to deal with, but there’s nothing you can do except to explain he’ll see her again and wait for him to develop emotional self-regulation, OP. This is how he is. He’ll get better.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I’m glad your son has an empathetic parent in the house. I’m guessing that one reason your son is sent to his room with emotional outbursts and instructed to control them is because of your husband’s visible irritation and frustration. Think about what your response would be if your husband were not so visibly irritated and find a solution that doesn’t involve isolating and punishing your son for strong emotions. It could also be possible that your husband’s cold response is heightening your son’s emotions because he doesn’t feel heard.

[Anonymous]

I cried every time we left my grandparents house- even now as an adult. I see them less but I love their house and the memories and who they are as people plus our relationship.
When I was a kid, it was because they were so loving and routine-oriented and I felt important and loved. There was a lot of together time but they also respected our boundaries when we needed space.
My parents house either meant me babysitting my younger siblings, fighting, or having to be in our family restaurant or for after school, I was by myself for long periods of time.
Now, I dont know if my surviving grandparent will be alive by the next time I get to make the trip down there so that makes me feel sad and guilty because I dont visit as often as I should.

Look, my grandparents were retired and had raised 6 children. They had TIME to invest in us whereas my parents were stressed. They had an established house, an established routine, supplemental income, lots of hobbies and interests that they shared with us, 3 home-cooked meals a day where we sat around the table together, etc. They were calm and rational but still firm in their rules. I got in trouble but it was warranted.

My best friend spent entire summers with her grandmother, and she felt the same way. She was given essentially undivided attention, and they had an incredible bond filled with their joint activities.

It could be as innocent as grandma giving him extra attention and love.