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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is grandma using lines about how lonely and sad she will be once they are gone home. [/quote]

OP here--I don't think so, but, she is by herself, but, very active and social and volunteers.  I don't think that she encourages what happens, but, I think she is much more on the side of coddling and sort of babying him when he feels upset if that makes sense? Whereas we tell him it's okay to feel sad and miss our family and friends, and that if he needs to feel sad, he can maybe take some time to himself in his room and come re-engage vs. sobbing his way through dinner.  He is the first grandkid on my side of the family, and so, he is the apple of her eye, and I think it is probably some combination of that, plus, undivided attention and fun times at grandma's house nonstop, plus being tired and out of routine, and maybe some back to school nerves. I think re-entry to routine, and rules, and expectations and not your grandmother who has endless energy and patience is part of the adjustment.

He is a great kid, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad that they are bonded, but, it was just such an intense meltdown yesterday (and it does typically happen when we leave visiting out of state family, but, seems to be the most pronounced when it comes to leaving my mom). He went up to his room and was just calling out for her over and over and almost hyperventilating. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that he was sad because we wouldn't see her for a year--I reminded him that we usually see her every few months, and there's always a next time, and it's just like our other family who lives out of state. I don't know. It was extreme. I'm sure he won't be doing this when he's 13, but, things can feel like a lot in the moment![/quote]

Is your DS on the spectrum? If not, I think it might be worth checking in with a doctor; not because you are bad parents or need parenting help, but maybe because he has undiagnosed issues. It is extreme for an 8 year old to hyperventilate and call out his grandma’s name repeatedly. He came home to his parents, not jail. That doesn’t show me sensitivity or empathy, but rather that something else is wrong. What that may be I can’t begin to guess.[/quote]

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