Currently on a miserable beach vacation with 4 yo

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. 4/5 was the hardest age for my SN kid and my typical kid too, although they looked very different. My kid with SN once bit me so extensively that I have a scar. Agree with everyone else to just survive. I used to let my kid watch tv while I dressed them. Whatever works, seriously.

[Anonymous]

For your current trip I would buy a harness and not let him go anywhere without it. You can barely still get away with this at his age. I would get one that goes around his torso/chest and hang onto him that way when he tries to run, for his own safety. Also, when you wrestle him out of the ocean you put it on immediately so you have a better grasp on him without holding him in your arms and getting hit, kicked, bitten. If you can't find one made for a child get one made for a dog.

I know this sounds extreme but your situation is obviously quite extreme. In the future I would try hiring a young, strong, fast, patient male person to be his trip nanny and pay them very well to be his constant companion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the replies. I’m not looking for help with comprehensive diagnostic or long term behavioral techniques. We have done all the things. We have an epileptologist, neuropsychologist, developmental pediatrician, geneticist, and all the therapies.

I’m just trying to figure out how to survive the next few days.

I’ve severely Injured my back from carrying/wrangling/wrestling him and now can barely walk, and DH is completely depleted. I’m feeling really worried about how to survive the day.

Drop all demands. Let him wear what he wants to the beach. Spray sunscreen and give up. Bring food there. Switch off parents and rest your back.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I agree with letting him do whatever he wants as long as he is safe. Bribes with candy, iPad, movies…whatever his currency is.

[Anonymous]

It’s unlikely with travel so messed up - but if you can get a flight - just leave early. Why continue to do this to yourself if you are all miserable? We missed part of a European trip and came home early bc autistic teen couldn’t hold it together. Just screw the money and plans, it wasn’t working.

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible that others have also had these trips, but there is something comforting in knowing we aren't the only family with complete s-show "vacations".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s unlikely with travel so messed up - but if you can get a flight - just leave early. Why continue to do this to yourself if you are all miserable? We missed part of a European trip and came home early bc autistic teen couldn’t hold it together. Just screw the money and plans, it wasn’t working.

This. If your back is injured, there’s not much you can do (said as someone with a history of back injury) - they’re so easily aggravated. Especially because your son is engaging in dangerous behaviors, staying doesn’t seem worth it, painful though that is.

[Anonymous]

OP my almost identical sounding child at that age was just like this on vacations and is still terrible. Anxiety and anticipation and all the emotions and newness make him so much worse on holiday. It is awful. I so feel for you. He’s so excited and happy but just a holy terror. Nobody else can enjoy even a second. You do need to reasses meds. He may need a sedating type of AED. Some are very activating. My son was and is wildly impulsive and hyperactive and these things are just so exacerbated by anxiety. Depending on where the seizure activity is, you may want to consider CBD or if adding anxiety medicine is helpful. We also did ABA with our non autistic epileptic child.

In terms of short term survival, drop expectations to the floor. Let those go. Have him dress himself for the beach, spray him with sunscreen and rent a beach umbrella. Accept you can’t come in and out of the ocean for your basic needs and have your husband tag you in and out. BTDT. Ugh. After like three or four hours, together carry him out do the ocean and get him to the room and bath, then screens. Then take turns sitting with him while he watches screens and the other one walks about is with the other kid etc.

I’m so sorry. I know it’s exhausting. Every trip we go on leads to me scheduling consults, getting more therapies, etc. Trips are HARD for hard kids.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in with sympathy and empathy. My child with ASD has extreme emotional dysregulation, and I’ve been where you are so many times. Besides what other posters have said about finding his currency, I would 100% cut out all eating at hotel restaurants with your son. Grab and go w one parent to the beach, if the others really want to eat at a restaurant. Room service for dinner while he watches tv or screen. Don’t let him out of the stroller until you are in a safe environment (no cliffs or traffic, etc). See if the resort has rash guards in his size and forget about sunscreen. Bribe with his currency to get him through transitions.

I hate to tell you this, but when my son started acting out like this, it was a signal of things to come. Acting out physically while not in his safe space isn’t surprising at all; and it may be a sign of things deteriorating before they get better. I know you are focused on the next few days, but I cannot recommend enough getting in with a behaviorist right now. If only to have someone help you plan vacation strategies for the future, it’s well worth it.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear this is happening to you. This is an unusual amount of disruptive behavior in a kid for these three diagnoses only. My one comment would be to insist on food if you can—the kid may be hungry and need raw almonds or another healthy snack. Hungry kids are terrible.

Hope vacation goes better.

+1 to “this is an unusual amount of disruptive behavior in a kid for these three diagnoses only. Signed mom of ADHD and ASD teen

He has EPILEPSY. Read the post. Epilepsy diagnosed at this age is entirely different.

How so?

Epilepsy sucks but it doesn’t cause behavioral issues.

- parent of kid with epilepsy at this age

Epilepsy, and responses to epilepsy meds look incredibly different from child to child. The fact that it didn't cause behavioral issues with your kid doesn't mean it doesn't for the next kid.

-- Special educator who has worked with many kids with epilepsy each impacted uniquely.

Got it.

Guess our whole extended family of epileptics got lucky. Only the people with ADHD had behavioral issues. Along with the non-epileptics with ADHD.

If your whole entire family has epilepsy it’s probably genetic and therefore they all have the same cause. But the causes and symptoms of epilepsy are varied.

[Anonymous]

My autistic son can be this way. He’s also 4. We’ve had some success with using timers and giving reminders. My son can also get aggressive but thankfully for us is uncoordinated. Hang in there mama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible that others have also had these trips, but there is something comforting in knowing we aren't the only family with complete s-show "vacations".

I think every parent on this board except for maybe the few whose kids just have academic issues have had this vacation.
You feel like such a failure - it sucks. Of course none of you are failures - it’s just that feeling of taking your kids away for what is meant to be a fun time and it’s so so so terrible that’s it’s actually traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear this is happening to you. This is an unusual amount of disruptive behavior in a kid for these three diagnoses only. My one comment would be to insist on food if you can—the kid may be hungry and need raw almonds or another healthy snack. Hungry kids are terrible.

Hope vacation goes better.

+1 to “this is an unusual amount of disruptive behavior in a kid for these three diagnoses only. Signed mom of ADHD and ASD teen

He has EPILEPSY. Read the post. Epilepsy diagnosed at this age is entirely different.

How so?

Epilepsy sucks but it doesn’t cause behavioral issues.

- parent of kid with epilepsy at this age

Epilepsy, and responses to epilepsy meds look incredibly different from child to child. The fact that it didn't cause behavioral issues with your kid doesn't mean it doesn't for the next kid.

-- Special educator who has worked with many kids with epilepsy each impacted uniquely.

Got it.

Guess our whole extended family of epileptics got lucky. Only the people with ADHD had behavioral issues. Along with the non-epileptics with ADHD.

If your whole entire family has epilepsy it’s probably genetic and therefore they all have the same cause. But the causes and symptoms of epilepsy are varied.

I’m sure there is a genetic factor, but we do have many different flavors of epilepsy and ADHD (and debilitating migraines). Lots of glitchy brains.


Hope that OP had a better day/evening. Sorry that it’s so rough. Were you able to rest your back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible that others have also had these trips, but there is something comforting in knowing we aren't the only family with complete s-show "vacations".

I think every parent on this board except for maybe the few whose kids just have academic issues have had this vacation.
You feel like such a failure - it sucks. Of course none of you are failures - it’s just that feeling of taking your kids away for what is meant to be a fun time and it’s so so so terrible that’s it’s actually traumatizing.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for the encouragement, comiseration, and tips.

On the up side, my 6 year old is the easiest and most helpful/pleasant kid ever, and basically we’ve just turned him over to the grandparent we brought on vacation. They are like two peas in a pod, so I can at least feel glad that my other child is having a fun trip.

The harness idea is a great one from a PP, and I am going to see if I can find one.

One challenge is DS is just not interested in screens he sometimes finds them entertaining for short periods of time, but is generally not that into them. We even bought a special iPad for him brand new from Santa for this trip and he shows no interest in it

DS loves sweets and balloons, but I feel like in his current state, he just doesn’t understand if/then types of ideas. Im not sure what his currency is, other than being in the ocean right now, but his life just seems so completely in the moment that even promising him something a minute or two in the future just isn’t working.

We go home the 31st, so not much to go.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. My ASD DS almost took a swim in the Baltimore Inner Harbor right about that same age. We thought we could have an easy peasy weekend away with our kids and learned the hard way that our daydreams of family vacations to Paris and Sydney and London and even just strolls through Central Park wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.

He is now almost 10 and we just got back from a great getaway. As he has gotten older and more mature and learned more skills from OT and is better at expressing himself thanks to ST (and some ABA as well when he was 4-5ish), and it all finally seems to make a difference.

As others have said above, just order some room service, give in to screens or whatever and try to ride out the vacation you have. And once you get home it is perfectly normal to mourn the vacations you want to have but cant at this time.