Currently on a miserable beach vacation with 4 yo
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Anonymous
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He has ADHD, epilepsy, and a speech delay.
He is being impossible on this trip. One of his obsessions is the ocean, so I thought this would be fun. And the moments we are in the ocean are pure magic-he’s at peace and happy and will remain like that for hours and hours. But trying to do anything else is a power struggle. For example, in the morning, just trying to get his swimsuit and sunscreen on takes a full hour. We eventually just have to physically force him. Mealtime in our beachfront hotel-he throws things, melts down, tantrums because he wants to go to the ocean or just does not want to be at the table and wants to get up and run around disturbing other guests. He will not listen to us or cooperate with anything. The only way we can make any progress on doing things that HE HIMSELF WANTS TO DO is to exert physical force. For example, when it’s time to leave the ocean, we have to physically drag him out, strap him into a stroller, and take him screaming hysterically back to our room. We are so physically and mentally exhausted. He weighs 57 lbs and is extremely fast, coordinated, and strong. We are covered in bruises. He even bit me. I’ve thrown my back out from carrying him. We still have 4 more days. Looking for similar stories, support, and encouragement. |
Anonymous
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You are saints. Your son may have a future in the NFL.
I hope that others can offer helpful suggestions. |
Anonymous
Awwwww thank you. He is built like a line backer and is immune to pain. |
Anonymous
| No ideas. Just empathy. Hope you guys get some support from a parenting class or therapist who has some experience helping kids with these behavioral issues. |
Anonymous
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OP go home.
Next you need therapy the whole family. While he has some issues you need tools to fix these behaviors. Biting you should have been a sign HOME. And that you are clearly out of your league in parenting. I am not trying to be mean I know this is hard however this is not something you will change overnight. And it will take a long time. It took you four years to get here. |
Anonymous
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OP what is your professional support team like? Specialists? Coaches?
I think the main thing is you need a plan that involves eliminating the one hour power struggle from the menu. Maybe there are parenting coaches or a book that specializes that could help. You need a set of firm processes that he can learn to rely on, and none of them should be negotiating. He needs boundaries and predictability. The other main modification likely is to radically change the way you approach scheduling the vacation day. Meals in the dining room may not be an option. One trip to the beach may need to be the main thing and you may need screen time and a parent rotation to decompress. |
Anonymous
| Not to discount your experience but many young kids struggle with transitions. I usually find something else that they want or like to entice them to make the transition smoothly - screen time, special food or drink, etc. |
Anonymous
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Sorry to hear this is happening to you. This is an unusual amount of disruptive behavior in a kid for these three diagnoses only. My one comment would be to insist on food if you can—the kid may be hungry and need raw almonds or another healthy snack. Hungry kids are terrible.
Hope vacation goes better. |
Anonymous
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Op here. We do have some struggles at home, but nowhere near this level. DS has never been violent before. But also, we’ve never had to rely so much on just grabbing/dragging/holding him down. I hate doing those things but he keeps engaging in dangerous behavior (like throwing glasses or running full speed towards a cliff). It’s terrible but when he was running towards the cliff I literally had to tackle him.
At home he doesn’t run away from us and he doesn’t bite/hit/scream at the top of his lungs. He does occasionally throw things. We knew this was gonna be challenging but not this hard. DH and I planned to give each other breaks but it’s so physically difficult to care for DS that it’s become a full time job. We also have another child with us, and a grandparent. |
Anonymous
Don’t listen to this. What type of epilepsy? It sounds exactly like my child with these three diagnoses at that age. He is now 10 and things are better. He has a low average iq and is very very impulsive still but athletic and sweet. We needed ABA at that age. Your meds may be wrong. Dysregulation is a hallmark of epilepsy. My son does have autism, and is rather overly social and socially aware. |
Anonymous
Does NOT have autism, sorry. Your son sounds just like mine at that age. Epilepsy is a huge deal. |
Anonymous
Almond mom??? |
Anonymous
| Yikes that’s a huge 4 year old. I’m sorry OP. I’d head back to the pediatrician and discuss. Agree that it’s a lot of disruptive behavior for a 4 year old- the biting, needing a stroller, etc- see if something is being missed. |
Anonymous
| Check out some old WWE and WWF highlights and study the moves. I think reverse suplex and choke slam powerbombs work the best on little boy toddlers. |
Anonymous
| So, epilepsy can cause issues processing and understanding language. Epilepsy medicine can help or hurt behavior. HUGE trial and error process. I hope you’re not using Keppra but if you are, revisit that and add b6. |