Why do people think introversion is an excuse to be rude?

[Anonymous]

Rudeness usually comes from loud extroverts, not because they're ruder than others, but because their slip-ups are just way more noticeable and out there!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted my daughter’s 13 year old friend for a sleepover. I took them shopping and paid for everything. There was not one thank you or acknowledgement - to me or to my daughter. The girl is really silent, boring, and rude.

If your question is AITA, the answer is yes, you are.

Seriously. Gasp, a teenage girl was moody and not chatty with an adult? Call Fox 5, we’ve got breaking news.

And this is where it starts. 13 is old enough to mumble a thank you and the kid’s parents should have taught her such.

DP. And your knee-jerk negative take on the situation is really sad. If my DC had a friend over for a sleepover and they were quiet the whole time I wouldn't be sitting around fuming because I wasn't thanked. I would be wondering if she was ok. I would be hoping she had a good time. I would be assuming that maybe being around an adult she didn't know well was a little intimidating. I certainly wouldn't be thinking insulting things about her.

You're gross.

[Anonymous]

You're interpreting their behavior as being a jerk. Why so judgmental? Some people just can't help it and it's emotionally painful, partially because they know people like you are judging them. Extroverts can be really rude too so why make a big deal out of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted my daughter’s 13 year old friend for a sleepover. I took them shopping and paid for everything. There was not one thank you or acknowledgement - to me or to my daughter. The girl is really silent, boring, and rude.

If your question is AITA, the answer is yes, you are.

Seriously. Gasp, a teenage girl was moody and not chatty with an adult? Call Fox 5, we’ve got breaking news.

And this is where it starts. 13 is old enough to mumble a thank you and the kid’s parents should have taught her such.

OK? And maybe 90% of the time, she does this. And OP caught her on a bad day. Maybe she was having cramps, or got a bad grade on a test, or fought with her parents or a sibling that day. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I am just sick of people labeling themselves as "introverts" or "extroverts" as if there is any real science behind these personality quizzes and their mumbo jumbo.

I have attended so many trainings where the super outgoing presenter was bouncing around in front of the audience all day but saying "I'm actually an introvert! I'm very tired at the end of the day so I don't get energy from people like extroverts!" It's all garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a big company holiday party last night. I didn’t go but didn’t decline because I’m an introvert. I RSVP’d no without any comments because I didn’t want to go. Most of my colleagues weren’t going for a variety of reasons, but overall because they had other things they would rather be doing. No one gave being an introvert as a reason.

I could see OP being one of the people who loves the work social events and thinking all of us are rude introverts.

Or, one of the people who thinks it's rude if people don't get validation from running through a "cheer line" of clapping managers at a mandatory work "appreciation" event or if people don't want to dress up for Halloween and trick-or-treat at each other's cubes.

Those sound awful. Our particular one was ugly sweater themed and I just couldn’t spend an evening at work “celebrating” with all of that.

Why would anyone expect grown-arse adults to participate in anything like that? Horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you find it rude that people simply don’t want to participate in things that you do want to participate in speaks volumes.

An invitation is not a summons. If someone doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t matter if they decline because they have a conflict, or because they don’t want to, or because they are ill, or because they simply get burned out and don’t have the energy. Declining an invitation or declining to participate in something is not “rude.” It’s a personal choice. You do you. Have fun. Leave people who don’t want to participate alone. The end.

PP here. I understand the invitation thing. So don't go, no one cares. No one will miss your sparkling owner of many cats personality.

It is the not being civilized that is odd. If a coworker says good morning, you are supposed to say it back. Be human, not a robot.

You seem very self-centered in that you are unable to consider other possibilities outside your own reality. Many people on the Autism spectrum have trouble with saying hello. It’s people like you who make me scared for the cruelty my child will encounter as an adult because of other people’s ignorance. You have no idea who might be on the Spectrum and who isn’t. Don’t be so judgmental and cruel.

[Anonymous]

I have a 10 year old who has social anxiety. It takes her a very long time to get to know someone, but once she does, she opens up to them. So she could be super chatty with a friend but still terrified of the friend's mom. She has very few friends, I think kids probably think she's rude or snobby because it's really difficult for her to make eye contact and talk to people, even people she's known for years, if they're not close. I feel really sad for her that people like you all are going to think she's rude when she's just very shy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh is introverted and he’s the most polite person you’ll meet. He holds very nice conversations with old ladies at the grocery store and neighbors. The thing is that they aren’t deep conversations. He likes being alone and gets his energy from being alone.

I’m an extrovert and I can’t stand talking to randoms and having to be nice. I have a large group of friends and prefer them. Talking about the weather or trivial things drives me crazy. I do the bare minimum to not be considered rude.

That's us too. Introvert doesn't mean you're bad at parties, just that you don't draw energy that way. My DH is in IT Sales, people don't realize he's actually an introvert. I'm an engineer and an extrovert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 10 year old who has social anxiety. It takes her a very long time to get to know someone, but once she does, she opens up to them. So she could be super chatty with a friend but still terrified of the friend's mom. She has very few friends, I think kids probably think she's rude or snobby because it's really difficult for her to make eye contact and talk to people, even people she's known for years, if they're not close. I feel really sad for her that people like you all are going to think she's rude when she's just very shy.

Introversion has nothing to do with shyness or social anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that American culture was built by and for extroverts, and that it can be exhausting. However, I’m a little annoyed when I see people point to their introversion as a reason to not participate, not be polite or even not to interact. It seems more like an excuse to act like a jerk than a legitimate characteristic, in some scenarios.

Agree OP. Skipping social work obligations is one thing, but not saying hello or good morning or acknowledging your coworkers is just plain RUDE.

And not a sign of introversion so let’s not act like it is. That’s all it is- rudeness.

It has a strong "I think I'm better than you so I am not going to lower myself to acknowledge you" vibe.

Rude.

Oh, so you’re protecting. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you find it rude that people simply don’t want to participate in things that you do want to participate in speaks volumes.

An invitation is not a summons. If someone doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t matter if they decline because they have a conflict, or because they don’t want to, or because they are ill, or because they simply get burned out and don’t have the energy. Declining an invitation or declining to participate in something is not “rude.” It’s a personal choice. You do you. Have fun. Leave people who don’t want to participate alone. The end.

PP here. I understand the invitation thing. So don't go, no one cares. No one will miss your sparkling owner of many cats personality.

It is the not being civilized that is odd. If a coworker says good morning, you are supposed to say it back. Be human, not a robot.

Oh, how very boring and predictable of you. Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP started an entire thread because someone didn't say good morning and now is insulting an entire group of people and thinks she's the epitome of social graces....

But…but then how will OP get the attention she so desperately needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the the distinction between introvert and extrovert is complete BS

Probably, but some people still use it as an excuse to be lazy and rude. It is not introversion, it is extreme anxiety and depression on their part - if they think that saying hello or whatever "exerts too much energy" - then, they have a serious mental problem.

My SIL is always about "what takes energy" - everything is taxing to her (everything) - it i a wonder she can tie her own shoes. Which wouldn't be so bad, if she would get some help, which she can more than afford. Instead, she inflicts her BS on other people. She is retired early after working part time from home (!!!!!!), empty nest, but still can't function. I'm not making light of it, just saying she really needs help - but the people she might ask about it (MIL) are in the same boat, along with denial, sadly.

They have been this way since I have known them, and it was really perplexing at first, but now it is just what we expect. All that matters is her, apparently. I had never known someone like that before, and it is really eye opening. I give their spouses TONS of credit. When people just seem to take and not give, and are also in denial, it is hard to have or want a relationship with them.

You sound extremely judgmental. Try to show more compassion to your SIL.

Gotta love how she spewed this whole vitriolic, judgemental diatribe, then said “I’m not making light of it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 10 year old who has social anxiety. It takes her a very long time to get to know someone, but once she does, she opens up to them. So she could be super chatty with a friend but still terrified of the friend's mom. She has very few friends, I think kids probably think she's rude or snobby because it's really difficult for her to make eye contact and talk to people, even people she's known for years, if they're not close. I feel really sad for her that people like you all are going to think she's rude when she's just very shy.

Introversion has nothing to do with shyness or social anxiety.

Was that PP's point?