DD adamant she doesn’t want kids

[Anonymous]

Children are money draining and stress inducing projects because you are always worried about their safety, future, health, happiness and success. Childless people have more money, time and peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL college students declare a lot of things. No need to feel sad.

More and more of OP's daughter's generation are making the decision not to have kids and sticking with it. It's not 1995 anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said that at 20. I now happily have multiple kids.

Two of my siblings said that at 20. We are GenX and they are childfree.

[Anonymous]

Parenting is really really hard. It takes over your life in ways you never dreamed. I wanted kids. I love my kids. But I a million percent understand why it's not for everyone. It's not like choosing a career path which you can then decide isn't for you and make a change. I

[Anonymous]

1. what's a top 20 college and what does it have to do with having kids?

2. mine don't either - all four of them. - and ppl on here think I did something wrong but posters on this thread say the opposite to you. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD says the same thing. I REALLY hope she’ll change her mind. I’ve always wanted kids and enjoy being a parent.

motherhood makes women weak and vulnerable. why do you hope she has children?

Why do you think this? I think that most people would disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

This happens. Sometimes all the adult children in one family do not want kids.

My SIL has never wanted kids and now approaching 45 that has come to solidify. Can't tell if it's a bond or a rift between her and her husband, but that's none of my business. MIL took it fine but absolutely has had moments of pushing kids and not believing that kids were not in the cards (now she accepts it, obviously).

My DH also never wanted kids. But being a mother was a non-negotiable for me. It was an issue in our early relationship, but we worked through our priorities and had a kid and is a great father. We all make compromises and that was his (mine was fewer kids, which has actually worked out great). To be clear our kid is not "a compromise": it's OUR KID. I am just sharing our story.

If this is emotional for you just suspend the thought and don't comment and try not to think about it, as it's NOT your business or place. Do you have other children or is this your only shot at grandparenthood? Not that this should affect your approach or your daughters decision, but I understand how that might be more difficult for you. I have an aunt and uncle with 3 children (50s) who never became parents, and I am sure it is privately crushing for her but it is what it is.

You'll be fine. Focus on supporting your own child in ways that help her become a stronger and happier adult. If she is concerned about cost of living, generally, support her in ways that help her move to a lower cost of living area, etc... Don't focus on future kids or "your mistakes" which are not mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was similarly adamant. He's now 33 and my niece is about to be 8 months old and he could not be more besotted. Lots of stuff happens after college. She may not change her mind, but she also might.

I think the stakes are higher for the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is at a Top 20 college and has declared she doesn’t want kids because they’re expensive.
It makes me sad but at the same time, I blame myself because I keep reminding her how pricey college/clothing/housing is.
I’m just trying to ignore her declaration but it’s hard.

Maybe any rant level on $ from the OP caused the DD to say never? Then DD could also have been excessively burdened with caring for sibs or other relatives kids? IDK but to post this about some one in college is just whacky. It's not like the college student announced she got surgical intervention-tubes tied, 1 ovary removed etc.

I don't get why this is even a subject for discussion at this stage in the DD's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I was about 35-36. Before that I was adamant.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I was about 35-36. Before that I was adamant.

Nature’s way.

[Anonymous]

My 25 year old daughter has said that she doesn't want kids for years and we are supportive of her decision. It's no reflection on us as it's her life and if in the future she changes her mind great and if not then no big deal.

She did guarantee us grandpuppies though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I was about 35-36. Before that I was adamant.

+1 until I was 34, AFTER I was financially secure and married.

[Anonymous]

I went the other way. I wanted 3-4 kids before I had any, and I wanted to have them several years apart. Then I had twins and decided I was good with 2. You really can’t predict what life has in store for you.

You should support your daughter’s making the choices that are right for her — and I’m sure you do — but I certainly understand feeling sad about possibly never becoming a grandparent. Being a grandparent is one of the payoffs for all of your parenting. You get to have a close relationship and have fun with grandchildren without the responsibility and the hard work of parenting. It’s a gift that you may never receive. We’re not entitled to be grandparents.

It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, but don’t let it influence how you react to your daughter’s preferences and choices. Try to keep the situation in perspective; it’s way too early to know how your daughter’s life will unfold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said that at 20. I now happily have multiple kids.

Two of my siblings said that at 20. We are GenX and they are childfree.

so the moral of the story is... anything can happen, and what you think you want at 20 can be very different at 30 and 40. This is why it makes no sense to me why some think that women should get married in their 20s. Women also need to time to mature, and who and what they are at 20 something can be vastly different to who and what they are at 30something.

My DH never wanted kids. He has two.
His sister wanted 6 kids. She has zero.

I never thought about it until after I got married.

It's fine, OP. If she meets the right person, gets married, and is financially stable, who knows what she will think then.