DD adamant she doesn’t want kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np, and I think your daughter is smart. If I could do it again, I doubt I would have children.

Why?
Do you think it is overrated ?

The realities of parenting constantly change. It's not overrated, but it's more layered and complex than I bargained for. Namely, that it never ends, and in many ways, the complexities intensify and morph as they get older.

There are so many phases to parenting that, looking back, the stage of raising young, sweet, and innocent kids was the easiest. My young adult kids suffer from anxiety and depression, and I feel increasingly ill-equipped to handle the challenges, which I think are a hallmark of their generation. Overall, today's young people seem unhappy and emotionally unwell, and I question if this state will persist into future generations.

Future parents need to be mindful that they are birthing the next generation, and in many ways, that is nearly impossible to plan for without a crystal ball. What matters today may be irrelevant in 15/20 years, and you will have raised them with obsolete values. Knowing what I know about the current world, I wouldn't have intentionally brought children into it because it's too challenging to navigate.

The op's daughter is wise beyond her years to question if parenting is right for her. I wish I had given it more profound thought and not been led by biological pull.

Thank you for this. I decided around Op's daughter's age that I did not want kids, and I still don't now at 33. I think I would really enjoy being a mother for the first 12 years or so, but helping a teenager and then young adult navigate life terrifies me. I had such a hard time mentally and emotionally (OCD, anxiety, and dyslexia) in high school, and I feel like I barely made it out alive. I am happy with my life now, but that is mainly because I found a partner who loves me and supports me and that was just good luck. The idea of bringing someone into this world to possibly have to go through what I went through just doesn't sit well.

[Anonymous]

Lucky her to figure it out so soon. Kids are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Her life-- not yours OP. Not everyone wants/should have kids. Why do you care so much?

[Anonymous]

My DD (17) says the same thing and I say, that's fine! Maybe she'll change her mind but maybe not, time will tell. I had a good friend in HS who swore she'd never have kids and she now has three but friends who did want them ended up not having them for various reasons. I'd love to have grandchildren but recognize that's not something in my control in any way, will just have to wait and see how life goes.

[Anonymous]

I had two because my husband wanted 2 but could also have had none. I never can understand missing a person (kid) you have never met before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np, and I think your daughter is smart. If I could do it again, I doubt I would have children.

Why?
Do you think it is overrated ?

The realities of parenting constantly change. It's not overrated, but it's more layered and complex than I bargained for. Namely, that it never ends, and in many ways, the complexities intensify and morph as they get older.

There are so many phases to parenting that, looking back, the stage of raising young, sweet, and innocent kids was the easiest. My young adult kids suffer from anxiety and depression, and I feel increasingly ill-equipped to handle the challenges, which I think are a hallmark of their generation. Overall, today's young people seem unhappy and emotionally unwell, and I question if this state will persist into future generations.

Future parents need to be mindful that they are birthing the next generation, and in many ways, that is nearly impossible to plan for without a crystal ball. What matters today may be irrelevant in 15/20 years, and you will have raised them with obsolete values. Knowing what I know about the current world, I wouldn't have intentionally brought children into it because it's too challenging to navigate.

The op's daughter is wise beyond her years to question if parenting is right for her. I wish I had given it more profound thought and not been led by biological pull.

Thank you for this. I decided around Op's daughter's age that I did not want kids, and I still don't now at 33. I think I would really enjoy being a mother for the first 12 years or so, but helping a teenager and then young adult navigate life terrifies me. I had such a hard time mentally and emotionally (OCD, anxiety, and dyslexia) in high school, and I feel like I barely made it out alive. I am happy with my life now, but that is mainly because I found a partner who loves me and supports me and that was just good luck. The idea of bringing someone into this world to possibly have to go through what I went through just doesn't sit well.

PP here, and no problem. Many parents feel similar to what I've expressed, but unfortunately, speaking on the dark/ugly side of parenting is still surprisingly taboo. I applaud any young person who explores the topic, wrestles with it, and then makes the best decision for themself and their would-be offspring. Parents who pressure their children for grandchildren are selfish and egotistical. "Just Say No" should be a socially acceptable campaign for drug use and parenting.

[Anonymous]

Neither my brother nor I have kids or want kids. It’s a source of pain for my mother, but we don’t talk about it. I feel some sadness for her not being a grandmother, but I am 1,000% sure I made the right decision. If I ever question that, five minutes on this forum reminds me that childfree is the way to be! I cannot imagine dealing with childcare waitlists and “sensory issues” and travel lacrosse and nonbinary genders and college prestige races.

[Anonymous]

My eldest, 27, never wants kids and regularly asks her doc for a hysterectomy. She also is a pansexual, workaholic, perfectionist and has anxiety. I cannot visualize her having kids either and do not want to take care of her kids should she have them. My youngest has wanted to be a Mommy since age 3 and will probably have a brood of kids in which I do not want to take care of them either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither my brother nor I have kids or want kids. It’s a source of pain for my mother, but we don’t talk about it. I feel some sadness for her not being a grandmother, but I am 1,000% sure I made the right decision. If I ever question that, five minutes on this forum reminds me that childfree is the way to be! I cannot imagine dealing with childcare waitlists and “sensory issues” and travel lacrosse and nonbinary genders and college prestige races.

exactly... I am a free free woman!

[Anonymous]

My mother told me she wished she had never had kids and urged me not to. It was just too stressful money-wise, and takes such a toll on the marriage. I totally understood her reasoning. So I did not, my brother did not, and my sister had just one. We are all living the life we want, and living it well. Pretty much stress-free. My mom was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother told me she wished she had never had kids and urged me not to. It was just too stressful money-wise, and takes such a toll on the marriage. I totally understood her reasoning. So I did not, my brother did not, and my sister had just one. We are all living the life we want, and living it well. Pretty much stress-free. My mom was right.

I hesitate to have this conversation with my kids because I understand that it could be easily misinterpreted. However, I wholeheartedly agree with your mother, and I think it was brave of her to have the conversation with you. I love my kids dearly but feel "meh" about doing it again if given the chance.

[Anonymous]

FOr further insights into this discussion, everyone may want to view this topic thread, also on dcum:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1104265.page

[Anonymous]

She might change her mind. She might not.
If you want someone adorable to spoil, get a toy poodle.