Please don't ask for "gifts of time"

[Anonymous]

I hate gift giving between adults. I find it SO tedious and sort of demeaning. My MIL insists. I pass this off the my DH every year, but it's so awkward and weird. She makes us sit around and open one at a time and while this makes sense to me for children or a small group, with a very large group it's SO annoying.

If I wander away to tend to a kid, or get a drink, or use the bathroom it's always "Where is she? What is she doing? It's her turn. She missed Aunt Millie opening the waffle iron I bought her off her Amazon list, she has to see it!"

Down with adult gift giving! Focus on the kids and then let's free ourselves up to just buy ourselves something we've wanted to celebrate Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it really odd that several relatives are asking for this. Was there some article in last month’s AARP magazine with this suggestion?

It's just honestly that they can't wrap their minds about no gifts. Like, there has to be SOMETHING, so they heard about "gifts of timmmmmmmmmmmmmmeee" from a friend or magazine and jumped on that. They simply can't process no gifts.

[Anonymous]

Wait- they asked YOU to vacation together? ha that's kind of backwards. My family gives us a vacation as our Christmas present. Like they're taking us to Disney (they do run this by us beforehand).

If my family asked for the gift of "time", I'd tell them that my kids would LOVE to go to the zoo on X date and that tickets would be great! Thanks! Or if they want more sleepovers that works great too. I'm sick of relatives expecting so much from my family. We're just in a busy season of life and if you want more from us, you need to meet us halfway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not dining indoors yet, definitely just say no to that request.

If you aren’t dining indoors yet, start dining indoors already.

[Anonymous]

This thread is turning out to be a gem!

Between the boomer newsletter, the thyme plant and all the awful and brilliant vacation advice, I'm loving the snark.
not oP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate gift giving between adults. I find it SO tedious and sort of demeaning. My MIL insists. I pass this off the my DH every year, but it's so awkward and weird. She makes us sit around and open one at a time and while this makes sense to me for children or a small group, with a very large group it's SO annoying.

If I wander away to tend to a kid, or get a drink, or use the bathroom it's always "Where is she? What is she doing? It's her turn. She missed Aunt Millie opening the waffle iron I bought her off her Amazon list, she has to see it!"

Down with adult gift giving! Focus on the kids and then let's free ourselves up to just buy ourselves something we've wanted to celebrate Christmas.

+1. My MIL is he same and I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are putting together wishlists that are inconvenient - aren't they all? adults just buy what they want when they want-- then when someone asks for a wishlist we all need a better answer...

What say you, DCUM? Someone asks for a wishlist you say

1. We are blessedly able to purchase all we need have have no list
2. We are adults, trish, so we just buy what we need and suggest you do the same.
3. Awww so sweet of you to think of us. We have what we need, but if you want to pick up the tab for the kids 4K summer camp, that would be PRIMO.
4. Just cash thanks

Because this comes off as smug, superior, and condescending, with more than a hint of judgment. None of this reflects well on you, though that may be your intent. Be gracious. It's the holidays, after all. No one likes some virtue signaling smuggie lecturing them about a gift exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate gift giving between adults. I find it SO tedious and sort of demeaning. My MIL insists. I pass this off the my DH every year, but it's so awkward and weird. She makes us sit around and open one at a time and while this makes sense to me for children or a small group, with a very large group it's SO annoying.

If I wander away to tend to a kid, or get a drink, or use the bathroom it's always "Where is she? What is she doing? It's her turn. She missed Aunt Millie opening the waffle iron I bought her off her Amazon list, she has to see it!"

Down with adult gift giving! Focus on the kids and then let's free ourselves up to just buy ourselves something we've wanted to celebrate Christmas.

I'm sorry for all that you are forced to endure in life. How do you cope with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not dining indoors yet?

Right…that’s so weird. If not now, when, OP? Flippin COVID freaks of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

If this OP is still not dining indoors, why are you having family get togethers for the holidays? I guess COVID only strikes at restaurants- but it’s nice enough to leave Christmas dinner alone.

The logic. It hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To preface this, I have asked to stop exchanging Christmas gifts among adults and no one agreed.

This year the older adults on both sides (parents and inlaws and one aunt) all said that the only thing they want for Christmas is a specific way of spending time with us. One asked for monthly video calls, one asked for dinners out together, one asked to vacation together. This sucks. First of all there is nothing to unwrap, when they are getting my family many things to unwrap, so that doesn't work. Second, these are people I already call weekly or see at least monthly, so it's kind of insulting for them to ask for this time as a gift, as if we ignore them. And third -- if we wanted to do these things we'd be doing them: the kids don't do well on video calls, we are not dining indoors yet, etc. It feels manipulative.

I am an adult with a good income to buy what I want for my family, but I still put together a small list of physical gifts when relatives ask what my family would like. Sometimes this means postponing a purchase it would be more convenient to make myself, but I do it so they can give a wrapped gift like they want to. I wish they'd be mature enough to do the same -- OR stop exchanging gifts.

You’re not “dining indoors yet”? Wtf is wrong with you? Jesus Christ see someone about that deep rooted and absurd anxiety disorder. It’s time to move passed the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd give them all books you like and tell them you look forward to discussing the books with them, on the phone or in person, after they've read them. Choose long books. I feel like that will get you off the hook.

I actually think that’s a nice idea. My family use to give each other a lot of books. We loved it!

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind a gift of time. I asked my husband for new running shoes, but also for him to make an appointment for me at a local running store and arrange plans with the kids so I can go and shop on a relaxed timeline without feeling rushed.

I think your relative’s requests are excessive because they are regular occurrences. I wouldn’t mind if it was one show at the Kennedy center or one dinner or one weekend getaway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To preface this, I have asked to stop exchanging Christmas gifts among adults and no one agreed.

This year the older adults on both sides (parents and inlaws and one aunt) all said that the only thing they want for Christmas is a specific way of spending time with us. One asked for monthly video calls, one asked for dinners out together, one asked to vacation together. This sucks. First of all there is nothing to unwrap, when they are getting my family many things to unwrap, so that doesn't work. Second, these are people I already call weekly or see at least monthly, so it's kind of insulting for them to ask for this time as a gift, as if we ignore them. And third -- if we wanted to do these things we'd be doing them: the kids don't do well on video calls, we are not dining indoors yet, etc. It feels manipulative.

I am an adult with a good income to buy what I want for my family, but I still put together a small list of physical gifts when relatives ask what my family would like. Sometimes this means postponing a purchase it would be more convenient to make myself, but I do it so they can give a wrapped gift like they want to. I wish they'd be mature enough to do the same -- OR stop exchanging gifts.

I had to check the date on this post.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind a gift of time. I asked my husband for new running shoes, but also for him to make an appointment for me at a local running store and arrange plans with the kids so I can go and shop on a relaxed timeline without feeling rushed.

I think your relative’s requests are excessive because they are regular occurrences. I wouldn’t mind if it was one show at the Kennedy center or one dinner or one weekend getaway.

See, that's the opposite of the OP.

To relate to the OP, you would need to go on vacation with your in-laws, and put those running shoes to good use as you escaped every morning to the coffee shop.