The secret world of emotional and verbal abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

I also believe that we can get over our trama(s) if we do choose. My older sister blamed me for our mother's death and used to beat the living daylights out of me. I made a choice many years ago that I could move on from her and problems.

Those who choose to live in the past have no future.

What is your relationship with her like now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

PP, I typed 5 words. What is it you imagine I've done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

PP, I typed 5 words. What is it you imagine I've done?

Anybody else starting to suspect some of these traumatized adult children are trolls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Oh, you found your way here from the “adult children blaming you in therapy” thread.

DP. To be fair it’s becoming impossible to escape you trauma llamas, you’re in every forum. DCUM is not a great place to seek therapy, it’s only good for validation, and in some cases the validation doesn’t seem earned. I wish for you all that you find good therapists.

Then.Don't.Open.The.Thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

PP, I typed 5 words. What is it you imagine I've done?

Anybody else starting to suspect some of these traumatized adult children are trolls?

No, but I believe the "pity party" Trauma llama" "stop living in the past" name calling posters are sh#t stirring low key narcissist who feel seen in some of the traumatized posters' stories. If you possess self awareness, you can change. Stop abusing your family members and keep your abuse off of this thread, please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

PP, I typed 5 words. What is it you imagine I've done?

Anybody else starting to suspect some of these traumatized adult children are trolls?

No, but I believe the "pity party" Trauma llama" "stop living in the past" name calling posters are sh#t stirring low key narcissist who feel seen in some of the traumatized posters' stories. If you possess self awareness, you can change. Stop abusing your family members and keep your abuse off of this thread, please and thank you.

This is such self-serving nonsense. Watching you buys wallow in self-pity, and being concerned for you, does not mean anybody else is an abuser. That's nuts. Please find a real therapist and stop projecting onto internet strangers. Please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

Welp, my narc sister foubd this thread. Sorry op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Oh, you found your way here from the “adult children blaming you in therapy” thread.

DP. To be fair it’s becoming impossible to escape you trauma llamas, you’re in every forum. DCUM is not a great place to seek therapy, it’s only good for validation, and in some cases the validation doesn’t seem earned. I wish for you all that you find good therapists.

Then.Don't.Open.The.Thread!

Right? Who opens a thread with a dramatic title like the hidden world of emotional and physical abuse” and, chastises the OP for being a trauma llama, and complains that she can’t escape from people like OP?

Sometimes it’s hilarious the way some people criticize people who are emotionally unhealthy but so obviously have baggage of their own. Find some sort of healthy distraction from your life.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. I just don't have the energy to say all of the things but I hear you. I'm with you on this.

It's all so hard and to those that suggest therapy, I've been through over half a dozen therapists in 15 years and I've never felt like it did much. I'd just talk and talk for an hour and then it's like "see you next week!"

I've found much more relief from symptoms stemming from my childhood traumas and abusive marriage in yoga asana, breathwork and meditation. The Body Keeps the Score, mentioned above, has a really beautiful chapter related to this.

But I'd love to hear from others if I'm doing something wrong regarding talk therapy. I always felt like that couldn't be helpful for anyone so what is the appeal, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

I also believe that we can get over our trama(s) if we do choose. My older sister blamed me for our mother's death and used to beat the living daylights out of me. I made a choice many years ago that I could move on from her and problems.

Those who choose to live in the past have no future.

Lol *that* was your trauma? You think that because you got over that, people who from the time they were toddlers were constantly called horrible names by their parents, screamed at all the time, blamed for the parent’s problems, etc should just be able to “get over it” too?

That’s ridiculous and I don’t think you’re over your trauma. Go back to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. I just don't have the energy to say all of the things but I hear you. I'm with you on this.

It's all so hard and to those that suggest therapy, I've been through over half a dozen therapists in 15 years and I've never felt like it did much. I'd just talk and talk for an hour and then it's like "see you next week!"

I've found much more relief from symptoms stemming from my childhood traumas and abusive marriage in yoga asana, breathwork and meditation. The Body Keeps the Score, mentioned above, has a really beautiful chapter related to this.

But I'd love to hear from others if I'm doing something wrong regarding talk therapy. I always felt like that couldn't be helpful for anyone so what is the appeal, exactly?

The challenge with therapy is that you have to be able to trust the therapist before you are able to get into the gory details/traumatic memories/explore how past abuse affects your present life. It took me nearly one and a half years to share my traumatic memories with my therapist and now I'm making rapid improvement, thinking more clearly and making connections. It is hard work and it is expensive. I know I can't afford it much longer so, like you, I up my self care through movement, etc. There is also the element of trauma survivors wanting to handle their sh#t on their own, a sentiment I well understand. Recently, I've been pushing myself between sessions to consider where my deficits lie. Again, it's a lot of work and it brings up pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. I just don't have the energy to say all of the things but I hear you. I'm with you on this.

It's all so hard and to those that suggest therapy, I've been through over half a dozen therapists in 15 years and I've never felt like it did much. I'd just talk and talk for an hour and then it's like "see you next week!"

I've found much more relief from symptoms stemming from my childhood traumas and abusive marriage in yoga asana, breathwork and meditation. The Body Keeps the Score, mentioned above, has a really beautiful chapter related to this.

But I'd love to hear from others if I'm doing something wrong regarding talk therapy. I always felt like that couldn't be helpful for anyone so what is the appeal, exactly?

I’m the one who mentioned the body keeps the score. The author in the video I linked said that there are many ways of healing from trauma and everybody is going to need different things, but just having a relationship with somebody who is safe and nonjudgmental and can know our story and say “that was terrible what happened to you” can be really good. I don’t think it has to be a therapist but the vast majority of people are judgmental and minimize trauma. And then once you can sort of go back to that headspace while you are feeling safe, you can re-wire your body to realize that that was then and not now.

I have had very meh experiences with therapy but I’m trying again with somebody who is supposedly using a trauma-informed approach. I think he is helping me see how bad things really were, and of course we are going to do mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance exercises. But I imagine that I will need yoga and such too. I am glad to hear it worked for you. I have been meaning to get around to finding a way to practice and your comment is motivating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sick of people wallowing in self pity. No one has a perfect parent, not even you are a perfect parent and your children will have complaints about you.

Adults do not live in the past.

Do you not believe that trauma is a thing? That our early environments can impact us into adulthood? Because you would be wrong.

DP. Living in the past doesn’t help with healing. Recognize what you’ve been through, name it, and then find a way to move forward.

Well yeah. The problem with being traumatized is that it keeps you living in the past. It keeps impacting you until you are able to heal. But what do you think “recognizing what have have lived through” means? Just….never talking about it? Never complaining? No. Confronting the past, processing it, etc is part of what is required to move past it. This is not a fast process. If you want to call it “wallowing in self-pity,” fine, but you could also just say nothing.

And what is with these parents of adult children jumping in and lecturing people who complain about their childhoods? Unless you’re OP’s mom it’s bizarre to get so defensive.

Agree. Definitely seems like projection.

Except it's not project, at least in my case. You trying to dismiss concerns about your behavior is what's concerning.

PP, I typed 5 words. What is it you imagine I've done?

Anybody else starting to suspect some of these traumatized adult children are trolls?

No, but I believe the "pity party" Trauma llama" "stop living in the past" name calling posters are sh#t stirring low key narcissist who feel seen in some of the traumatized posters' stories. If you possess self awareness, you can change. Stop abusing your family members and keep your abuse off of this thread, please and thank you.

All these remote diagnoses, with their self-serving outcomes, don't bode well for the mental health of these posters.