when your child likes a college that you don’t think much of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well over 90% of kids go to local colleges, where their friend group, a bf or gf, and other kids from there high school tend to go.

Is that based on some actual date or are you just blowing smoke?

Do you really not believe this?

[Anonymous]

I’m still laughing at the poster who pretended to be OP, dreading their child going to Duke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in the DMV and your kid goes to a competitive high school, you’ll be surprised at how difficult it is to be accepted anywhere. There is just so much competition in the area. I’m convinced my kid could have gotten into an elite college with his stars if we lived elsewhere because those kids are no smarter than the kids at top 100 schools. They just fit what the schools are looking for.

This is true. Everyone needs real safeties where their stats place them in the top 25%. They need to visit those schools and pick a handful they could be happy at. My son pooh pooped this, but he ended up at a safety.

So did my son, and likewise ended up at a safety and loving it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

Is it necessary to ED to a SLAC ranked 40-50, just do RC and see if she changes her mind by then

DP: It is necessary; they only take about 1000 students and some of them fill more than half the class ED.

Wait so you’re both worried she is smarter than everyone there and also worried she won’t get in?

+1

[Anonymous]

Show your child you have faith in his judgement. He really does know himself better than you do. Try to let go of the control you have had up to now.

I know you have his best interests at heart, but he should own this choice. Otherwise, he can blame you for any negative outcome, and convince himself that you ruined his future.

Fit is a thing, and it can make or break a kid’s undergrad experience. (My kid chose one of the lower ranked schools she got into. She was INCREDIBLY successful being a big fish in a small pond. Now I believe she made the right choice.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC (my oldest) has reached a point of having a pretty clear first choice and they want to apply there ED. Of the 10 or so colleges on DC’s list, I’d put it near the bottom if I were choosing for them. I have tried very hard to let this be DC’s choice without my influence, but am finding it harder now that DC seems to have settled on this as a top, potentially ED, choice. The college is “fine” and I don’t have an issue with DC applying, but I don’t think DC should limit themselves now to it by applying ED. My reasons admittedly relate to lack of perceived prestige but also because this college has less robust academic offerings, outplacement than some of DC’s other choices, and the peer group will likely not be as engaged and academic as DC is- I feel like DC has worked hard and is a great student and should “go for” something aligned with their academic achievements. I have tried to explain my concerns to DC, but they just view it as my criticizing their preferred choice and wanting to control the process. DC’s main reasons for the college becoming the top choice relate to a comfortable feeling that DC had when we visited, and they have a robust activity that is a little unusual that DC enjoys (not this one but think: varsity fencing team, vs just fencing clubs elsewhere). Any advice for me? Thank you in advance for please replying with polite advice.

SMH at parents in DCUM land justify their prestige obsession by worrying that their DC will be too smart for colleges outside the T20…ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I understand this, OP...my DC is at a top 10 school, in her second year, and she made a comment that she'd like to transfer to (school in my hometown that I didn't go to) and I made an involuntary sound which I wish I could pull back...

But it had to do with wow, she worked so hard and that school would have taken her if she had goofed off in high school. And also, I think for a lot of parents like me who had zero money and zero help, I wanted to help get my kids more choices and a better school than I went to, and a school that might have more job opportunities than the school I went to...etc.

But I got over it. Right now my kid is making no more "transfer" noises, but if she does, or if she wants to go to grad school there, fine.

Mantras: "It's not my life." and "She is not me"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not answering until you tell us the school.

Also I think you mostly care because you care what others think.

Lol. But you had to chime in. So don't answer.

[Anonymous]

Another perspective sort of, based on your description I’m thinking this is like a Dickinson or F&M. These are schools my junior is considering, possibly even for ED. He also has potentially higher ranked schools he could get in and is considering but 1) fit is really important and 2) given what’s happening these days those are the kind of schools even very strong applicants need to consider. So, your DS might apply ED elsewhere, not get in and end up at this school anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

Forget the rankings after you get out of the top 20 or so schools which have name recognition, even though they don’t necessarily provide a better education. I think it becomes a wash from 20-80ish where kids need to go where they’re most likely to thrive. A top 40-50 liberal arts school can be a springboard to many successes in life.

Top 40 to 50 give little merit. Look at the top 10% - that is 386 or so institutions.

I think that is also the same number of schools in the Princeton Review book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

So relieved! Cuz Duke would have made you certifiably insane!

For the SLAC....
do you mean ranked 40-50 among SLACs? Like DePauw?
or 40-50 among national universities? Like Tulane?

[Anonymous]

This is tough.
No ironclad advice here, but I would suggest 2 things:

1. Listen to your kid, and make sure he's aware you're listening. He doesn't think you're listening now

2. Revisit his choice and the other colleges. Feelings may change with additional experiences.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP - I think either way - you need to let it go. I'd just make sure they are fully comfortable with their options for majors at a small school. And remind them to take advantage of everything a small school has to offer in getting internships, jobs via close connections with faculty. As long as they make the most of their experience, they will do great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell us the school.

Not just the school, the program also. That *might* help to provide useful feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school in question is Duke. I just know a lot of cringey Duke alums and would hate for my kid to always have that hanging above them.

If this is Op and you’re upset that your kid may ED at Duke because it’s not a higher ranked school, then I think I can officially be done with DCUM forever. What a joke!

If my kid got offered a full ride to douche, I still wouldn’t want them to go.