when your child likes a college that you don’t think much of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

Is it necessary to ED to a SLAC ranked 40-50, just do RC and see if she changes her mind by then

DP: It is necessary; they only take about 1000 students and some of them fill more than half the class ED.

and 1/4 of that for the schools that are only a thousand or so kids total.

[Anonymous]

Our DC chose a school "ranked" about 30 slots below the highest ranked school they got into; let it go OP. This kid was right about social fit, and is thriving and extremely happy, doing very well academically, and so on. It was a pill for parents to swallow at first, but could not be happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DC chose a school "ranked" about 30 slots below the highest ranked school they got into; let it go OP. This kid was right about social fit, and is thriving and extremely happy, doing very well academically, and so on. It was a pill for parents to swallow at first, but could not be happier now.

Same here - DC could have gone to a school ranked around 30 but went to a school ranked around 60. That 30 ranked school was also $30k/year more expensive and DC knew that going to the 60 ranked school leaves money for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Well over 90% of kids go to local colleges, where their friend group, a bf or gf, and other kids from there high school tend to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for these helpful and supportive response, from OP. We did insist on a second visit, and our DC had lunch with a current student. This visit is what solidified for DC that they want to apply to said college ED. Also like a PP, we committed to DC early in the college search process that the final choice is theirs so I do not want to renege on that now (I assumed DC’s thoughts would be more aligned with ours, haha, I should have known better). I think I have to make peace with the fact that ultimately I have to let DC take ownership of this choice, and let the chips fall where they do, otherwise there will be a lot of blame and resentment towards me from DC in the future, especially since there is no guaranty they would love the colleges I think are better fits. It is very hard when you spend 18 years trying to support and help your children so they have as many open doors as possible, and then you see them making an important decision that you feel could be limiting.

To clarify based on a different pp’s response, in no way do I think student at this college are any “less” as humans - in fact I agree with DC that everyone we met seemed really friendly and nice, and there are smart and hardworking students everywhere. But the same way we always encouraged DC to take AP classes and the most rigorous math track, there is a benefit to being with a peer group that matches your intellect and curiosity. And at a college that has top professors and more robust department offerings. It’s not an exact science but you can discern some of this from the data that the colleges themselves publish.

When our second kid graduated from HS I told their HOS that he had done his job with our kids - they both got in ED at the colleges they wanted to attend. Neither college gets much love on DCUM, but they were happy and everything worked out. If your kid gets into the college they want to attend, you’ve done your job, too.

[Anonymous]

Let them make their first big decision without you second guessing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them make their first big decision without you second guessing it.

+1 the sting of you not liking their first major life decision will last a long, long time. How bad is the choice really?

[Anonymous]

You underestimate the relief you all will feel when your dc gets into their top choice in December.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

Is it necessary to ED to a SLAC ranked 40-50, just do RC and see if she changes her mind by then

DP: It is necessary; they only take about 1000 students and some of them fill more than half the class ED.

Wait so you’re both worried she is smarter than everyone there and also worried she won’t get in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You underestimate the relief you all will feel when your dc gets into their top choice in December.

That depends if their top choice is one that you are willing to pay for. It’s a crappy feeling to have to say know because they didn’t get the merit aid you were hoping for. The system really sucks for those who can’t handle full of but don’t qualify for any aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well over 90% of kids go to local colleges, where their friend group, a bf or gf, and other kids from there high school tend to go.

Is that based on some actual date or are you just blowing smoke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well over 90% of kids go to local colleges, where their friend group, a bf or gf, and other kids from there high school tend to go.

Is that based on some actual date or are you just blowing smoke?

Like 75% of the nation never moves more than 30 minutes away from where they grew up.

[Anonymous]

My DC applied to their chosen ED school and was deferred to RD. By the time March rolled around they weren’t even sure they still liked the ED school. Kids change a lot from November to March senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live in the DMV and your kid goes to a competitive high school, you’ll be surprised at how difficult it is to be accepted anywhere. There is just so much competition in the area. I’m convinced my kid could have gotten into an elite college with his stars if we lived elsewhere because those kids are no smarter than the kids at top 100 schools. They just fit what the schools are looking for.

This is true. Everyone needs real safeties where their stats place them in the top 25%. They need to visit those schools and pick a handful they could be happy at. My son pooh pooped this, but he ended up at a safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and the school is not Duke! It is a small liberal arts college, ranked in the 40-50 range.

Forget the rankings after you get out of the top 20 or so schools which have name recognition, even though they don’t necessarily provide a better education. I think it becomes a wash from 20-80ish where kids need to go where they’re most likely to thrive. A top 40-50 liberal arts school can be a springboard to many successes in life.

Top 40 to 50 give little merit. Look at the top 10% - that is 386 or so institutions.