My child wants to transfer out of their current school…it’s been a month. What should she do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is kind of all over the place with her complaints. She didn’t get invited to a party, parents visiting, regional differences and scheduling a counselor appt. Does she have depression issues? Is it a roommate problem?

She sounds homesick or misses her boyfriend. I would encourage her to make some friends through her classes and join some extra curriculars. Schools make a big effort for freshman to acclimate to their new surroundings. Attending another school as a transfer won’t be as accommodating.

I agree with the poster who said put the transfer on her. All schools have transfer apps, deadlines and requirements.

Agreed. I think the long-distance relationship probably has a LOT to do with her discontent. I agree with all this advice. A lot of kids transfer nowadays ... it's not a big deal ... but this sounds like adjustment issues that may very well work out within a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid attends Muhlenberg, a small, somewhat regionally-known school. She’s been there for about a month now (classes started two weeks ago), and while she originally seemed happy at first, she now wants to leave it. She says she can’t find her people—for example, what she deemed as close friends just had some get-togethers without inviting her—and she says that most of the school is from the region, which makes it less interesting (she’s from another region).

She also says that a lot of parents constantly seem to visit her classmates. She doesn’t mind that we don’t visit, but she says that other parents make it feel weird and very “regional.” And I think she probably feels left out. She’s doing okay academically, but she definitely has a tough class or two. She also has a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend, whom she loves very much—I know that’s rather unusual for a first-year college student—and I’m sure she misses him (probably more than us, because she hasn’t really said she’s homesick. In fact, she’s glad she’s out of our hometown).

She is now discussing transferring up to our state flagship. To be honest, we are kind of letting her be? We want her to spread her wings and fly, and we think that she is doing a pretty decent job at flying solo. We are supporting whatever choice she makes. She has a large scholarship at Muhlenberg, but the in-state tuition at the flagship would be about the same price. She’s a little worried that she’s jumping ship too soon, but she doesn’t really like her school, she doesn’t really like the people, she can’t find clubs she likes—there’s not many that fit her interests, and the ones that do don’t meet often—and she’s definitely adventurous and doesn’t like staying in one place.

It is worth noting that she booked a counseling appointment for herself. We are proud of her for watching out for herself, as we are worried about depression (and yes, we will definitely step in if we have to).

She’s a little worried that applying as a spring transfer would get her rejected due to her flagship being worried about her jumping ship so soon. It is worth noting that she did get into the flagship last year, but declined admissions for Muhlenberg. She is also worried that a bad grade in a tough college course will kill her chances at admission, and she wasn’t a stellar applicant to the flagship originally—she got in with 40th percentile stats, so she is worried about getting in, too.

She is thinking of calling the flagship admissions office to ask some questions tomorrow. However, we wanted to ask this forum for advice before starting a transfer process.

Thank you.

If her reasons for transferring are reasonable, no school will worry about her "jumping ship" again. Seems clear that she enrolled at Muhlenberg for a major that she now realizes is not her top choice area of study, and due to being awarded a substantial tuition discount.

If your daughter is adventurous and doesn't like staying in one place, then a small, shrinking LAC may not be the best option for her.

There is no assurance that she will be accepted again to her state flagship, so she should investigate other schools to assure that she has options.

[Anonymous]

I think the first month is tough so giving it time might help. Both my niece and nephew came home at Thanksgiving saying they planned to transfer the next year. After a little more time they both stayed and were very happy. They graduated this spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditch the boyfriend

yep

[Anonymous]

She may want to contact the state flagship. It may be a very different process for a Spring Transfer for a student they admitted for Fall. We know a family where the child had planned to go to one school and then late in the summer changed their mind about the location. They called another school they had been admitted to and I believe they just allowed them to come but to wait for Spring.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others who say she should drive the bus here on filling out transfer applications and encourage her to continue to try to engage at school. She can decide later if she is accepted other places whether to stay or not. But she needs to engage while she's there in case she doesn't get accepted elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, she sounds pretty level headed. These small schools can feel like the walls are caving in to some kids. Since she seems to leading the process, keep doing what you are doing: listening. Like other posters mentioned, spend time keeping grades up which matters for transfers.

I transferred back in the day from a small school to a bigger one and I am so happy that I did. I also had a long distance boyfriend that probably made the social fit harder but the academic fit was bad for me too (I needed a more challenging, broader program).

Your daughter will be accepted or she won't. She can only control grades and application and go from there.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to keep her grades as high as possible, take classes that will transfer to her target school and probably aim to transfer sophomore year. Find out the requirements from her desired school and go from there.

This op

Transferring sophomore year is not easy .

More likely to happen if she comes home and goes to community college for two years or keeps grades above a 3.0 much higher through sophomore year.

Transferring is too ugh to a four year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to keep her grades as high as possible, take classes that will transfer to her target school and probably aim to transfer sophomore year. Find out the requirements from her desired school and go from there.

This op

Transferring sophomore year is not easy .

More likely to happen if she comes home and goes to community college for two years or keeps grades above a 3.0 much higher through sophomore year.

Transferring is too ugh to a four year

I disagree with the above assertion that "transferring sophomore year is not easy".

As a side note: 95% of all students in the class of 2025 at Muhlenberg College receive grants or scholarships, while 98% receive some type of financial aid. This shows that Muhlenberg's sticker price is too high, that Muhlenberg has to buy students (which is fine),and that finding similar grant scholarship money at another school as a transfer student may be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Can she withdraw now? Would you get tuition back? Or a portion of it? Then see if she can transfer to UMD in the Spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she withdraw now? Would you get tuition back? Or a portion of it? Then see if she can transfer to UMD in the Spring.

I disagree with the idea of bailing after 4 weeks. It's not enough time to try it out, and this is probably a lot about the boyfriend. Even if this is not right school for her ultimately, it's still a worthwhile experience to stick it out while she puts in applications to transfer as a sophomore.

I transferred after my first year from a school I hated. I was miserable the first few months. But as I stuck it out I made a few friends, focused on classes, and found out that, even though picking the wrong college sucks, I was ok. I also learned that it is harder to make friends as a transfer student. I mostly bonded with other new students who were a year behind me, and consequently found milestones, like graduation, a little bit lonely. I don't think staying at my first school would have been a better choice, but it's worthwhile for her to see if this school grows on her.

[Anonymous]

I think she should continue to take a proactive approach to transferring; calling the admissions office, getting/keeping her grades up, etc. with the idea of maximizing chances for transferring if that is what ultimately she decides she wants. But that should be with an eye for possible transfer for sophomore year, not spring semester. I think that would be a very difficult time to come in as a new student. But she should also at the same time making a strong effort to maximize her time where she is. As others have said, four weeks isn't much time, and she may end up finding her people and her niche at her current school. I wasn't happy my freshman year because the initial people I met were definitely not my people. But after applying and getting accepted to several other very good schools for sophomore year, I ultimately decided to stay where I was - I liked the school overall, and decided I didn't want a bunch of people I didn't like having that much of an impact on my college experience. It was hard finding my way, but in the end I had a pretty good experience overall.

[Anonymous]

OP here (again):

I had a phone conversation with this morning, between her classes. Here’s what I’ve learned more of:

1) She has called a few admissions offices—so far, only if the schools she was previously accepted to. Generally, most of them ask for a full transfer application, but a few of them note that they do consider that she was previously admitted.

2) She said she also is taking a look at a few other schools. She does say that if she does apply for transfer, she’ll only apply to 2-4 schools that truly match her needs.

3) She’s a little worried that she’ll transfer and then run into some of the same issues (i.e., grass is always greener on the other side).

4) She just came down with a cold last night…but she’s pushing through, and she said she will make more of a commitment to attend social gatherings. She knows that there’s one person from her high school at Muhlenberg, she might try reaching out (they didn’t know each other well in high school).

5) About the boyfriend…I asked her. Not really expecting a full answer, but she said that she could see herself with him forever. In fact, they have apparently talked about marriage (once they graduate college). I’m not sure what to think of this, besides “Well, I’ll always love and support you!” I like the boyfriend, I just worry that boyfriend will leave her when he goes off to college.

[Anonymous]

I had the exact same situation last year, we told our child they had to transfer (not come home) and would support wherever they chose to go but she had to pick the schools and get the applications in.

She would up being miserable all fall - it was very hard to take, and then went back and did a 180 in the spring and loved it. That won't happen to everyone but the homesickness and bf @ home is a tough one to get through and has more to do with that then the school

[Anonymous]

I went to Muhlenberg and ended up transferring after sophomore year. It's a weird place. Too small (you are going to just see the same people everywhere), very limited social options, absolutely nothing in the surrounding area.

I was an athlete so went in with an immediate social group, but I still didn't end up really finding my strongest group of friends and sense of belonging until the spring semester of that first year. So I agree with others advising to be open and give it a chance while working on transfer apps to keep options open. Overall I made some good friends who I'm still in touch with and had some really good times, but I just couldn't imagine two more years at that school and had to get out.