My child wants to transfer out of their current school…it’s been a month. What should she do?

[Anonymous]

Who is the poster throwing out all of these higher ranked and more expensive smaller LACs for her to transfer it to? OP isn’t asking what what schools she should transfer to – she’s talking about transferring to University of Maryland. So far as I’m concerned, since the price is the same, and Muhlenberg isn’t that great of a school, if the girl has decided she wants to transfer then just let her transfer. It’s no skin off off OP’s nose, and Maryland is a better school anyway.

OP, just tell you you’ll support whatever she wants to do, then get out of the way.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Boyfriend does live at home (he's a HS senior), but she still would be separated from him. Plus, I can tell that they both love each other very much...R+J situation here...so I think if you told her to "ditch" the boyfriend, I think she'd ditch us.

(Not actually, but you know what I mean).

[Anonymous]

Definitely attempt a transfer. It's quite common for students to transfer, but not after one semester. She will likely need to stick out the year even just to make the application cutoff. And the school will want to see that she did well academically. She should probably apply to more than one school if she really wants out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She applied to a range of schools: small, large, big, small, urban, rural, etc.

Specifically Muhlenberg for money and because a few academic programs—mainly the theatre arts—attracted her. She even went to campus early for a scholarship program.

She’s now considering different majors, especially the sciences. Her interest in theatre arts is now transferring to studio art, although she will not major in either.

Seems like she didn’t settle on 1-2 types of schools she wanted and was all over the place. She was interested in theatre and is changing her mind after just two weeks?

And people she thought were her “good friends” (after just two weeks!!) did something and didn’t invite her? Two weeks is not a long time, and who makes “good friends” in such a short time period?

The drama could be depression or being a teenager.

If she wants to transfer, let her do so yet I wonder if she will be happy at the next place.

[Anonymous]

I’d let her apply, she can always decide after being admitted.

[Anonymous]

She was not interested in studying theatre. She had done some theatre design in high school and enjoyed it, but much of her design work was studio-based.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Boyfriend does live at home (he's a HS senior), but she still would be separated from him. Plus, I can tell that they both love each other very much...R+J situation here...so I think if you told her to "ditch" the boyfriend, I think she'd ditch us.

(Not actually, but you know what I mean).

OP, I have a freshman whose still looking for his people. I think most of them still are. UMD is a great school, but I'd be careful. First if this is about the boyfriend, it's a bad idea all around. Also, your DD was very lucky to get into UMDCP with a 3.5uw. She should look very carefully at the admissions stats for transfer apps before packing her bags.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

I'll make sure it's not about the boyfriend, but considering that she doesn't have a car (and he can't drive to see her, either), then I'm not too focused on that. Plus, her boyfriend may very well attend school far away. I just brought it up, since I know that type of relationship is mildly uncommon for this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, she does this all herself. She makes this happen, or she doesn't make it happen. I would say you do not let any time-between go by - she's enrolled in college -somewhere-. She doesn't come home to think about it, for example. She can make this happen if she's motivated. Her level of motivation will tell you how serious she is. She may decide it's less trouble to just make friends at her small college and find happiness. Or not. I would not feel you have any role in this. I also do not think it would help her to listen to (too) much of her agonizing over this. This is on her.

I do not understand what you are talking about. Your writing is so poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If transferring is her goal, I would encourage her to focus on getting good grades and finishing both semester then transferring as a sophmore. You know your kid and how unhappy she is though.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

I'll make sure it's not about the boyfriend, but considering that she doesn't have a car (and he can't drive to see her, either), then I'm not too focused on that. Plus, her boyfriend may very well attend school far away. I just brought it up, since I know that type of relationship is mildly uncommon for this age. [/quote

Remind her that she may move closer but he will then, likely move away.

The odds of them staying together are infinitesimal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is the poster throwing out all of these higher ranked and more expensive smaller LACs for her to transfer it to? OP isn’t asking what what schools she should transfer to – she’s talking about transferring to University of Maryland. So far as I’m concerned, since the price is the same, and Muhlenberg isn’t that great of a school, if the girl has decided she wants to transfer then just let her transfer. It’s no skin off off OP’s nose, and Maryland is a better school anyway.

OP, just tell you you’ll support whatever she wants to do, then get out of the way.

Who is this poster trying to restrict your daughter to just one school which is a school that your daughter was accepted to and decided not to attend ?

OP: Your daughter needs to investigate options with a more refined eye.

Transfer essay is important when trying to move into a selective school.

Chatter about Muhlenberg on another website is little more than attempts to push a mediocre, shrinking LAC that has to discount heavily in order to entice prospective applicants. While Muhlenberg has a decent theater program, it is not as highly rated nor is it the major that your daughter wants to study.

Transfer admission rates: https://collegetransitions.com/dataverse/transfer-admission-rates

[Anonymous]

Because she has a boyfriend, she's probably not going "all in" on the social scene. Ask her if he wants her to call every night instead of going out.

I was not happy my freshman year of college, but transferring wasn't an option. I ended up meeting my now DH Junior year and am grateful I stayed for many many reasons. 4 weeks is way way too early to make this decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she has a boyfriend, she's probably not going "all in" on the social scene. Ask her if he wants her to call every night instead of going out.

I was not happy my freshman year of college, but transferring wasn't an option. I ended up meeting my now DH Junior year and am grateful I stayed for many many reasons. 4 weeks is way way too early to make this decision.

+ 1

She needs to give 100% to trying the college she chose. This needs to be sustained effort over months, not two weeks. Making friends after you transfer isn’t that easy, either. I bet she’s dividing her time between college social life and communicating with/pining over her boyfriend. It is common to go to college and have a high school sweetheart. What is less common is for the significant other (especially the boyfriend) to still be in high school. Usually one party will move on by the end of first semester. Guys move on more quickly (unless he gets frequent conjugal visits).

She needs to give this college her all before jumping ship. This is a life skill. Otherwise, she might want to transfer again, after college # 2 isn’t spectacular after a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

I'll make sure it's not about the boyfriend, but considering that she doesn't have a car (and he can't drive to see her, either), then I'm not too focused on that. Plus, her boyfriend may very well attend school far away. I just brought it up, since I know that type of relationship is mildly uncommon for this age.

My college freshman has a long-time girlfriend that is a college junior, and she attends college 5 hours away from my son. If it was up to him, he would drive to see her every weekend. The girlfriend relationship is limiting his involvement in the community on his campus. We have urged him to focus on weekend activities on campus up to Thanksgiving. We are not talking about the GF (for the R&J scenario you mention) BUT that many of the college freshmen are in a situation just like him. "Everybody" is trying to meet other people to lessen the loneliness.

I agree with the advice to focus on getting the best grades she can, as she'll need that if she opts for a transfer. I also agree that it doesn't hurt to contact the UMD transfer admissions office. But I would urge her to focus on keeping all options open. The "get to know other people in the community until Thanksgiving" approach would also be good to do.

Muhlenberg has a pretty strong technical theatre community. Has she reached out to the faculty there?