Gift giving at Bat Mitzvah?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Just so you know, even saying it hear anonymously is incredibly distasteful.

I disagree. Everyone is free to do what feels right to them and everyone is free to think whatever they want of everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

Why can’t they give cash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Just so you know, even saying it hear anonymously is incredibly distasteful.

+1

It wouldn’t occur to me to compare amounts, or determine averages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Just so you know, even saying it hear anonymously is incredibly distasteful.

I disagree. Everyone is free to do what feels right to them and everyone is free to think whatever they want of everyone.

… however ugly it may be, and however it exposes their ugliness for the world (or DCUM) to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS did not ask for any presents, rather that all of his guests contribute to a charity he worked with during his preparation year. The charity received these gifts directly and we had no idea how much anyone contributed. Our DS did receive a wonderful letter from the organizer of that charity and I think he treasures that more than anything. Great time was had by all!

How did he thank them then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

My kids know in certain situations they do what’s right and expected of them, rather than what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DS did not ask for any presents, rather that all of his guests contribute to a charity he worked with during his preparation year. The charity received these gifts directly and we had no idea how much anyone contributed. Our DS did receive a wonderful letter from the organizer of that charity and I think he treasures that more than anything. Great time was had by all!

How did he thank them then?

Presumably he wrote thank you notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

My kids know in certain situations they do what’s right and expected of them, rather than what they want.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

Because a check goes into a bank account and will be saved. Gift cards can be spent. More fun for their friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

My kids know in certain situations they do what’s right and expected of them, rather than what they want.

Huh?

Translation - the adults choose how the gift is given, not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

Because a check goes into a bank account and will be saved. Gift cards can be spent. More fun for their friends!

Yes because when a 13 year old gives a friend a gift, they are not hoping to help fund college. Grand parents, Aunts, Uncles, Close friends of the parents do that. Your kids lab partners or soccer buddy wants him to have something fun. It is completely apporpriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who kids give gift cards, are they in the same amounts as cash/check gifts you'd give... multiples of 18, $20, $50 $100?

I don't worry about the 18 thing. $50 Amazon card is fine. My kids do not want to give their friends a check as a gift!

My kids know in certain situations they do what’s right and expected of them, rather than what they want.

My son is in his 20s. The only gift he really remembers from his bar mitzah was a special backpacking tent he got from his uncle. My son was a scout and still loves to camp. It was defintely his best gift. No idea how much it cost. So much better than a check. Kids do not have to give each other money! If you think so you missed the point of the event.

[Anonymous]

The reason people ask this question on an anonymous board is because they don't know the answer and aren't sure who to ask.

Even if the asker is Jewish, maybe they haven't been to a Mitzvah in a long time and want to know the going rate. Thank you to all of the Jewish parents who have recently gone through this and can share the sorts of gifts they received.

Those who are assuming ill intent are on the crazy train.

[Anonymous]

My HS the bar/batcash gifts were placed in well
Managed stock funds.

Two people my HS bought condos in Manhattan post graduation for cash with money. Their parents paid for college.

And they had money left over. A gift card or physical gift is just wasted.

A bar mitz in 1988 the DJIA was only 2,000. Today it is 32,000.

That kid would now be 47. It was common in my town to get $10k to 20k. But mind you big fancy large parties did cost a lot even back then.

If kid got 20k in 1988 today would be $320,000. Beats an Amazon gift card. Some kids my HS got 40k to 50k back in late 1970s. I think DJIA was around 1,000 or less. That is like 1.6 million today.