Gift giving at Bat Mitzvah?

[Anonymous]

Do I give a gift? How much is appropriate to give to the kid at a bar mitzvah?

[Anonymous]

Yes gifts are traditional. The amount really depends on your relationship with the child and your finances. Your child's friend from school you have not met is very different then your niece or best friends daughter.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but typically you don't give the gift at the service--you bring it to the reception. So, if it's a morning service w/a separate evening reception, bring the gift then and there will be a table or card box to deposit your gift. It is traditional to give a gift in increments of 18 because the number translates to "chai" or life in Jewish numerology. For close family or very good friends, we usually give $180 or more. For most of my daughter's good friends we are friends with the families, we gave $108 and for her camp friends, we gave $54.

[Anonymous]

Quick side question -- do you send a gift if you cannot go?

[Anonymous]

We give $20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick side question -- do you send a gift if you cannot go?

Really depends how close you are to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We give $20.

Do not do this if you are going as a family to a reception.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Nonsense. We are in NW DC and some of DD's friends have prominent parents. She received a range of gifts, some of them very modest, but all of them perfectly appropriate, from these kids in comfortable circumstances. Several of them gave costume jewelry or accessories that they (her friends the teens) chose for her themselves. DD probably appreciated these most of all.

Guests are there to celebrate the occasion, not to reimburse the host for the cost of entertaining. No one actually believes what PP posted above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We give $20.

Do not do this if you are going as a family to a reception.

Are you basically buying a seat at the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe someone would write that! Then again, this is the DC area and people are a nasty combination of ruthless and shameless.

[Anonymous]

For a school friend, treat it like it a bday gift. Amazon cards are common. For a family friend we do 200 when 4 family members attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

What the F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe someone would write that! Then again, this is the DC area and people are a nasty combination of ruthless and shameless.

That person would never hear from me again.